Twilight on Windows Live!
by AllApologies451994
Summary: What do you get when you put all the Twilight characters on MSN? Total chaos, that's what. Here's my first Twilight entry on fanfiction, made up of total randomness. Rated T just in case.
1. Why Emmet is Afraid of Turtles

_**Twilight On Windows Live!**_

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, or any of its characters. The Twilight series and all of its characters belong to my favorite author, Stephanie Meyer!**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Lazy Lion, Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, Grizzly Bear, and Emo-tastic have signed in._

Lazy Lion: Hello Bella, love. Hey Emmet. Hey Jazz. 'Sup?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Hello Eddie! I've missed you!

Emo-tastic: How do you miss him, he's sitting right in front of you!

Grizzly Bear: *snickers* What's up with your name Jazzy Poo? Its… just… weird. *snickers*

Emo-tastic: Why is it weird? So what? I'm an emo. Deal with it. And stop calling me Jazzy Poo! Its seriously annoying. Don't make me get the turtles after you…

Grizzly Bear: O no! Please, don't get the turtles! I'll be a good boy! Pwease!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: … What's up with Emmet and turtles?

Lazy Lion: It's a long story….

_*Flashback*_

_It was Emmet's first trip to the zoo. He had been wanting to go here since he was a baby. He found the turtle section, and was very excited. 'Hey mommy, look at the turtles! Aren't they so cute? Who's a good turtle! You are! Yes, you are!' *turtle bites Emmet's hand* 'O my God! You stupid turtle turned on me! Wah! Mommy! It's out to get me! ! ! ! ! !'_

_*End of Flashback*_

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Omg, Emmet! I can't believe you have an irrational fear of turtles! That was just… uncomfortable to listen to.

Grizzly Bear: Shut up Bella! I was six and the stupid turtle bit me! That's enough to scar me for life!

Emo-tastic: Ugh, you've scared him to death! His emotions are too much to handle! I need to leave _now._

_Emo-tastic has signed off_

_Psychic Shopper67 has signed on_

Psychic Shopper67: What happened to Jasper? He just stormed out of the house…

Lazy Lion: Emmet's emotions were too much for him so he had to leave. …That gave me an idea… Heh heh heh…

Psychic Shopper67: O yea, that's a good idea! I have just foreseen what you were going to do… Do you know where to get one? This will be fun.

Lazy Lion: I know just the place! Hang on, I'll find one. Alice, I'll need your help, come with me.

Psychic Shopper67: Ok, hang on.

_Lazy Lion and Psychic Shopper67 have signed off._

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Um, I don't know what they're doing, but I have a bad idea about this…

Grizzly Bear: *rocking back and forth with thumb in his mouth* Please mommy, make the turtle stop! No, its out to get me! AHH! NO! BACK OFF TURTLE! AHHHHH! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: O brother, I don't wanna listen to you Emmet! I'm leaving!

_Klutzy_Vampire_Girl has signed off_

Grizzly Bear: NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! THE TURTLES ARE OUT TO GET ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo! ! !

_Grizzly Bear has signed off_

**A/N= Please review! It makes me feel so much happier! I will give you cupcakes (but not real cake. The cake is a lie). Btw, if you're wondering where I got the thing about the turtles, I was reading a fanfic called Random Conversations. Instead of making Bella afraid of turtles, I made Emmet afraid of them. I forgot who it was by. Its very funny, read it when you get a chance. _Anyways, _this is my first Twilight fanfic. Please review, but try not to be that mean. :D Ok, I'm leaving now.**

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	2. Turtle Madness!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. If I did I would be rich and not have to waste my time making lousy knock-offs.

Edward: Lazy Lion

Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl

Alice: Psychic Shopper67

Emmet: Grizzly Bear

Jasper: Emo-tastic

Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U

Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp

Esme: Distressed_Mother

_Lazy Lion and Psychic Shopper67 have signed on_

Lazy Lion: Okay, are you ready? This will be a riot! I can't wait to see the look on his face!

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, I'm ready. We better leave now, Emmet and Jasper will sign on in about 30 seconds.

Lazy Lion: Okay, lets go.

_Lazy Lion and Psychic Shopper67 have signed off_

_Grizzly Bear and Emo-tastic have signed on_

Emo-tastic: Emmet! What is wrong with you?! You've been scared and angry and paranoid all at the same time!! What is UP with you?

Grizzly Bear: I'm all of those emotions because of the turtles! They're out to get me! They're going to hunt me down in my sleep, and slowly kill me! Hey, author person! You're the master of turtles! Tell them not to hunt me down!

_AllApologies451994 has signed on_

AllApologies451994 (me): Nah. I think I will just let them get you. It will teach you your lesson. You gotta love me! :D

Emo-tastic: Heh heh, nice one AllApologies! This will be good for him! Plus, despite the fact I have to put up with his emotions, this will be funny!

AllApologies451994: Thanks Jazz. Just for that, you get a cookie! (::)

Grizzly Bear: HEY! That is NOT cool! You're just doing this because you're obsessed with Jasper and not me!

AllApologies451994: Am not! *hides Jasper t-shirt and I 3 Jasper poster* Hey tuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrtles! I see a naughty boy you can get!

Grizzly Bear: NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo! ! ! ! ! !

_AllApologies451994 has signed off_

Emo-tastic: Cool! I got a cookie! *eats cookie* … O no, Edward and Alice are done 'hunting' They are nervous, excited, and a little smug. I wonder what they are up to. I'll invite them over.

_Lazy Lion and Psychic Shopper67 have signed on_

Lazy Lion: Hey Emmet! Come down here! I have a surprise for you!

Psychic Shopper: Yea! It's really cool! You'll absolutely _love_ it!

Emo-tastic: I don't even wanna know.

Emo-tastic has signed off

Grizzly Bear: Cool! I hope its that new Jasper t-shirt I ordered! *runs downstairs, only to see Alice and Edward with a new turtle*

Grizzly Bear: O CRAP NO! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! YOU GUYS ARE ALL CRAZY TRYING TO KILL ME LIKE THAT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! IT'S AFTER ME! MOMMY! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Grizzly Bear has signed out due to being scarred for life

Lazy Lion: …HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I honestly didn't think he would react THAT bad! Alice, don't you agree that what we just did was epic win?

Psychic Shopper: Yes, that _was_ epic win!

_*muffled voice in background. It was Emmet's* _

'_Nuh-uh! That was epic FAIL!'_

Lazy Lion: O tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtle…! Emmet is being naughty! Go after him!

Grizzly Bear has signed on

Grizzly Bear: EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! I _**WILL**_ HAVE MY REVENGE! ! ! ! ! ! !

_*scream in the background*_

_Grizzly Bear has signed off_

Psychic Shopper67 and Lazy Lion: *bursts up into laughter* Yea, I bet he'll have his revenge… /sarcasm/

Psychic Shopper67 and Lazy Lion have signed offA/N= Please review! It will make my day SO much better! I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend Hoops (that's her nickname). We both have this thing against turtles, and we always pretend they are after us. Emmet is sort of like Hoops in a way so that's why I dedicate this to her. ;P Alice and Jasper are like my friends Cody and Kier, who always make fun of us and torture us about the turtles. Just thought I would say that. _Anyways, _please review!

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	3. Emmet's Revenge Part I

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Twilight. If I did I would be incredibly rich and not waste my time writing these lousy fanfictions.

Edward: Lazy Lion

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_*Recap*_

_Grizzly Bear: EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! I __**WILL**__ HAVE MY REVENGE! ! ! ! ! !__ !_

Chapter 3: Emmet's Revenge Part IEmo-tastic and Grizzly Bear have signed on

Emo-tastic: Hey Emmet. Are you okay? You're still a little shooken up because of the turtles.

Grizzly Bear: Yea, I think I'm over my frightened spell. I _**WILL **_get my revenge on Edward! You just wait and see! Hmm, I know just the perfect way. Don't tell him I said anything. Bye Jazzy Poo.

Emo-tastic: Bye Emmy Bear.

Grizzly Bear has signed off

_Psychic Shopper67 has signed on_

Psychic Shopper67: Hey my little Jazzy Poo! How are you doing?

Emo-tastic: Nothing much, Alice, love. Emmet has just left, so I'm bored. Btw, he said something about getting revenge… O wait, I wasn't supposed to say that. O well. What is he supposed to do for revenge? Have you seen it yet?

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, I've seen _exactly_ what he's gonna do. He isn't really the sharpest tool in the shack… This will be _very _funny! He isn't going after me, he's going after Edward… This should be an epic fail!

Emo-tastic: Ok, what is he going to do?

Psychic Shopper67: I'm not saying, it's gonna be a surprise. He should have his revenge on Edward in about 10 minutes. This will be good. Jasper, I go to go. Talk to you soon, I promise.

Emo-tastic: Okay, bye my dear Alice.

Psychic Shopper67 has signed off

_Klutzy_Vampire_Girl has signed on_

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Hey Jazz. What's up?

Emo-tastic: Nothing much. Waiting for Emmet to have his revenge on Edward.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Hmm. Sounds _very_ interesting. What is he supposed to do?

Emo-tastic: I don't know yet. I'm gonna go see. Bye Bella.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Okay dokay. Bye Jasper

_Emo-tastic has signed off._

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: …This is boring. I'm gonna leave now.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl has signed offA/N= Thank you to all of my dear reviewers! Here's cookies for you (::) (::) (::) I know, I know, most of you guys are wondering what Emmet is gonna do. Sorry, this was a perfect opportunity for a cliff hanger. I promise I WILL tell you next chapter, I just have to think of something funny first. If you guys have an idea, please tell me in a review! Btw, if you can give me an idea on what to do in my next Yoshi and Link story, it would be most appreciated! Thanks!

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	4. Emmet's Revenge Part II

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter 4: Emmet's Revenge Part II_

**A/N= Thank you, ****AliceCullen784. ****I love your idea for Emmet's revenge. I'm giving you full credit for your idea. Thanks again!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, or anything else that may be mentioned in here. Just my crazy imagination. Ok, that's about it.**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Grizzly Bear, Emo-tastic, and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl have signed on_

Grizzly Bear: Hey everyone. I have a great idea on how to get my revenge on Edward.

Emo-tastic: And what is your idea?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: As long as it doesn't involve me, I'm fine.

Grizzly Bear: *looks at Bella really funny*

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: O no, it involves me, doesn't it?

Emo-tastic: Nooooo! Ain't no way! /sarcasm/

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Shut up _Jazzy Poo. _There is no need to be rude.

Grizzly Bear: _Anyways, _Bella. I need you to pretend to die. That way, Edward will think you're dead, and go to Italy. I want you both to be on the plane, but don't tell him you're there. When you get to Italy, reveal yourself. He'll be so mad he wasted all his time that he'll go crazy. It's the perfect plan!

Emo-tastic: …

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl. I agree with Jasper. This is a _stupid_ idea. I'll never do it!

Grizzly Bear: Pwease? For me?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Ok, fine. You always get me with that.

Grizzly Bear: I know, I'm so great, ain't I?

Emo-tastic and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: No.

Grizzly Bear: Thanks! Okay, Edward is done hunting. Bella, when he gets in here, pretend you're dead.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Okay.

_Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, Emo-tastic, and Grizzly Bear have signed off._

_*In the Cullen's house*_

Edward walked in, worried. He felt that something was wrong, he just didn't know what. As soon as he stepped in, he heard screaming. 'O crap! That's Bella!' He ran to the Cullen's living room, where he seen Bella lying on the floor, blood all over herself. Emmet was the one who told Edward what *supposedly* happened. 'Bella was just walking through the house, when she slipped and fell. A knife was lying on the floor, and it stabbed her. That's the whole story.' Little did Edward know that it was all fake blood, and Bella was still alive. 'Guys? Is this true?' Everyone looked at Edward with devastated eyes. 'Yes, Edward, this is true', said Jasper. 'We can't believe it either.' 'That's it, I'm going to Italy! Bye everyone! Try to take care without me.'

Edward stormed out the door, shouting several naughty words. He grabbed his cell phone, and called the airplane service.

Edward (on phone): Yes, I would like a plane ticket.

Airlines person: To where sir?

Edward: Italy.

Airlines person: That will be $500

Edward: ! …Ok

Airlines person: Would you like extra leg room?

Edward: I don't care.

Airlines person: Thank you for purchasing your Plane ticket.

Edward: O-kay then.

_*Inside Cullen house*_

'Bella, now's your cue. Get on the plane. Now!', yelled Emmet. 'But how? I can't get on there without a ticket. 'No need for a ticket, I bought one in advance', chirped Alice. 'Now go, this will be funny'. 'Fine, I'll go! When does the plane leave?' 'In about 30 minutes, so hurry!' So Bella ran to the airport.

At the airport, Bella and Edward waited (but far away from each other, where they couldn't see each other) for the plane to leave. At about 4:00, Bella and Edward boarded the plane. Bella was wearing a funky perfume, so Edward couldn't tell that she was there. She was in the main back, and Edward was in the main front seat.

On the way there, the air pilot guy asked Edward 'May I see your ticket, sir?' Edward handed him his ticket, and the pilot guy (lets call him Bob) wouldn't accept it. Edward said, 'Why aren't you taking my ticket, you just asked for it.' Bob just looked at him funny, and said 'I never asked for your ticket. You're hearing stuff.' Edward was confused, he could've swore that Bob asked him for a ticket. He just sat there, and 5 minutes later, Bob said 'Hey, sir, I asked to see your ticket a few minutes ago. Where is it?' 'It's right here, look! In my hand, there's my ticket! See it?' 'Sorry sir, I didn't ask for your ticket. What is up with you today?' Edward just rolled his eyes and decided to just ignore him. About 5 more minutes later, Bob asked for Edward's ticket. 'Listen to me bub! This is the third time you've asked me for a ticket, and every time I show it to you, you never want it! Do you have some weird mental disorder?! Huh?! You're getting on my last nerves!' 'Sorry sir, but I don't see your ticket. You'll have to leave now' Bella was laughing in the background, Edward paid no mind to her. 'Look, Bob. Here's my ticket. Are you satisfied now?!' 'Sir, you're going crazy today! I haven't asked for a ticket. You must have something wrong with you.' Edward was really frustrated with this annoying excuse for a person, so he left. As he was walking back, he heard Bob yell 'Goodbye sir! Glad to have you here! Wait… do you have a ticket? I haven't seen it…' Edward just ignored him.

. . . . .

They had finally got to Italy, and Bella was stalking Edward until he got to the tower. Bella then jumped on his back and yelled 'Hey, silly! Did you miss me?!' Poor old Edward didn't know what to think. 'I thought you were dead!!' 'Nah, this was all part of Emmet's revenge.' 'So… I put up with that mentally retarded guy and came to Italy for nothing?!' Bella giggled after remembering the mentally retarded guy. 'Yea, pretty much.' Edward cursed, and then laughed at himself. 'Come on, Bella. Let's get you home.' So they went back to the Cullen's house.

When they finally got back, everyone was laughing their heads off. 'I can't believe you fell for it!', yelled Emmet. 'Yea, that was _hilarious!_ I thought you were smarter than that!' said Jasper. 'Could you guys be quiet? I'm trying to see how good I look! Gawsh!' …That's typical Rosalie for you. 'Edward glared at Emmet. 'You. Are. So. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!' Emmet just laughed at him. 'Yea, I bet Eddiekinz!' 'O tuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrtles…' 'Sorry guys, I got to run from the turtles. Bye'

**A/N: Please review. Tell me if it was good, if it was bad, if it was meh… Btw, the idea that Bella faked her own death was ****AliceCullen784****'s idea. Props to her for that! Okay, that was all. Remember: Don't forget to review! It makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside… No, it don't. But it does make me feel better to know that I actually did good. Okay, byez.**

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	5. Battle of the Bands Part I

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter V: Carlisle's Band_

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight or any of its characters. If I did, would I be writing this sorry excuse for a story?**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Emo-tastic, Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, Grizzly Bear, Lazy Lion, Too Cute 4 U, and Carlizzle_the_Vamp have signed on._

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Hey everyone! What is up?!

Emo-tastic: …Why are you so hyper? It's really bugging me.

Too Cute 4 U: Maybe he looked at me and got really excited about how good I look.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Maybe he's amused at the fact I've only fell three times today instead of my usual fifteen.

Grizzly Bear: No, it's obvious he's excited because the turtles didn't eat me!

Lazy Lion: No, he's so happy and hyper because he's about to form a band. Him and Esme are the managers. He thinks that Jasper will be the lead singer, Emmet can be the drummer, I can be the keyboardist, Bella will be the lead guitarist, and Rosalie is the bassist. Alice is the make-up and hair artist.

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, I can see it now! This is going to be so GREAT! This is going to work perfectly! I'm leaving now, I gotta buy outfits!

Emo-tastic: But nobody agreed to this yet!

Psychic Shopper67: But you will. I can see it. Bye everyone! Talk to y'all later!

_Psychic Shopper67 has signed off_

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: This is gonna be fun! I love playing guitar!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Yea, I already have the setlist. Do you guys want to hear it?

Too Cute 4 U: Sure, let's hear it! Me and Emmy Bear would love to see it.

Grizzly Bear: Yea, I wanna hear it!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Okay, it is composed of 5 songs. Here they are:

_**Negative Creep - Nirvana**_

_**My Immortal – Evanescence**_

_**Now or Never – Three Days Grace**_

_**Whisper – Evanescence**_

_**Harvester of Sorrow – Metallica**_

Does that sound good to you guys?

Emo-tastic: Yea! That's perfect. I love the setlist, the songs are all depressing metal songs. Woot!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: So, Carlisle, what is the name of our band?

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: I was thinking _Darkest Hours_, is that okay with you guys?

Everyone but Carlisle: Yea buddy!

Grizzly Bear: Where's our first gig? I can't wait for this!

Lazy Lion: He's thinking at our school. There's a Battle of the Bands contest there. …O great. We have to go up against _them_?!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Yea, I'm afraid so. Everybody, we're going up against Jacob's band, _The Big Bad Wolves._

Too Cute 4 U: O, that's just _wonderful!_ I have to put up with that furry … _thing_?!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Yup, that's what he just said.

Lazy Lion: Okay, Alice is back. Let's go get ready, our gig is at 8:00.

Grizzly Bear: What time is it now?

Lazy Lion: 7:30

Everyone: Okay, let's get ready and go.

_Everyone signed out_

_End of Chapter V_

**A/N= Please review! I need a setlist for Jacob's band. Tell me some good songs in a review. Just give me 5 songs. I'll even credit you for coming up with them! Thank y'all. Don't forget to review!**

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	6. Battle of the Bands II

_**Twilight on Widows Live!**_

Chapter VI: Battle of the Bands II

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or songs mentioned down here. I also don't own any of the artists, lead singers, or anyone else down there. If I did, I would be rich, and wouldn't waste my time writing these lame parodies.

It was 8:00, and everyone was getting ready to perform their songs for Battle of the Bands. There was Carlisle's band, _Darkest Hours, _and Jacob's band, _The Big Bad Wolves._ The tension in the school was high. Carlisle and Jacob were backstage giving their bands a pep-talk. 'Okay, guys', said Carlisle. 'I know you guys will do fine. Just try, I know you can do this.' Jacob's was *much* less peppier. 'Listen, you worthless mongrels! You are gonna go out there, and you are gonna win! If you don't, I swear, I will personally kick all of your rumps! Got it?!'

Up first to perform was _Darkest Hours_. Their setlist was:

Negative Creep – Nirvana

My Immortal – Evanescence

Now or Never – Three Days Grace

Whispers – Evanescence

Harvester of Sorrow – Metallica

Jasper stepped on stage first, followed by Emmet, Bella, Edward, and Rosalie. The whole band was in black clothes, fit for the heaviest heavy metal band of all time. Rosalie and Bella wore short, black dresses that came above the knee. They also had beautiful dark make-up. Emmet and Edward wore Metallica shirts and leather pants, while Jasper wore a Nirvana shirt with the Smiley Face logo on it and a pair of Levi's. Then they got their instruments ready and began to play.

'_This is out of our reach_

_This is out of our reach_

_This is out of our reach_

_And it's gone._

_This is getting to be_

_This is getting to be _

_This is getting to be_

_A drone_

_I'm a negative creep_

_I'm a negative creep_

_I'm a negative creep _

_And I'm stoned_

_I'm a negative creep_

_I'm a negative creep_

_I'm a negative creep_

_And whooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa!! Whoa!!_

_Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more (x4)'_

After this song, the audience cheered their little heads off. This was the best performance they heard in a _long _time. They kept screaming for more, so they performed their next song.

'_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave _

_Your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone._

_These wounds don't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I wiped away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face; it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice; it chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds don't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I wiped away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_I try to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I feel alone._

_These wounds don't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I wiped away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me'_

The audience went wild after this one. It was the most beautiful performance they ever heard. It was as good as Evanescence's version, but it wasn't the same. Time for the next song. 'This one will be good', thought Edward. He loved Three Days Grace.

'In this time are we loving

_Or do we sit here wondering_

_Why this world isn't turning around?_

_It's now or never_

_We have no use for the truth_

_And now's the time for us to lose_

_Who we are and how we've tried_

_Taking every step in stride_

_It's now or never to decide._

In this time are we loving

_Or do we sit here wondering_

_Why this world isn't turning around?_

_It's now or never_

_In this way are we learning_

_Or do we sit here yearning_

_For this world to start turning around?_

_It's now or never._

_Where's the truth for us to use? _

_Because all we seem to do is lose_

_Who we are and how we've tried_

_Are we all the same inside? _

_It's now or never to decide_

In this time are we loving

_Or do we sit here wondering_

_Why this world isn't turning around?_

_It's now or never_

_In this way are we learning_

_Or do we sit here yearning_

_For this world to start turning around?_

_It's now or never._

_In this time are we loving?_

_Wondering?_

_Isn't turning around_

_It's now or never!'_

Adam Gontier, frontman of Three Days Grace, who was in the audience, gave _Darkest Hours_ a standing ovation. They were just that good. Now was time for the next performance.

'Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)

_Don't try to hide_

_(Though they're screaming your name)_

_Don't close your eyes_

_(God knows what lies behind them)_

_Don't turn out the light_

_(Never sleep, never die)_

_I'm frightened by what I see_

_But somehow I know_

_That there's much more to come_

_Immobilized by my fear_

_And soon to be_

_Blinded by tears_

_I can stop the pain_

_If I will it all away_

_Fallen angels at my feet_

_Whispered voices at my ear_

_Death before my eyes_

_Lying next to me I fear_

_She beckons me_

_Shall I give in_

_Upon my end shall I begin_

_Forsaking all I've fallen for_

_I rise to meet my end'_

The audience was shouting, screaming, yelling, clapping, everything. It was finally time for the last performance. Little did the audience know that the Cullen's booked James Hetfield to come and sing this with them in advance (Alice paid top dollar as soon as she seen the vision they were performing. Luckily, Hetfield agreed.) So Hetfield, frontman of Metallica, joined in with the Cullen's and began singing with Jasper.

'_My life suffocates_

_Planting seeds of hate_

_I've loved, turned to hate_

_Trapped far beyond my fate_

_I give, you take_

_This life that I forsake_

_Been cheated of my youth_

_You turn this lie to truth_

_Anger, misery_

_You'll suffer unto me_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_(Language of the mad)_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_Pure black looking clear_

_My work is done soon here_

_Try getting back to me_

_Get back which used to be_

_Drink up_

_Shoot in_

_Let the beatings begin_

_Distributor of pain_

_Your loss becomes my gain_

_Anger, miser_

_You'll suffer unto me_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_(Language of the mad)_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_All have said their prayers_

_Invade their nightmares_

_To see into my eyes_

_You'll find where murder lies_

_Infanticide_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_(Language of the mad)_

_Harvester of Sorrow_

_(Language of the mad)_

_Harvester of Sorrow (x6)'_

That done it. The audience went crazy. They wanted more, but _Darkest Hours_ couldn't play any more. They were incredibly tired. _The Big Bad Wolves _were up next, and they just wanted to get this over with.

**A/N= Thanks for your reviews! I like those songs, I'll have to use some of them. Please review some more though, I'm having one more special band show up, and I need 5 more songs for them. (Hint: The leader's name begins with an 'M' and ends with 'ike Newton') They're performing after **_**The Big Bad Wolves.**_** I also need a good band name for them, too. I'm using Jacob's band next chapter, and Mike's the one after that. Just letting y'all know. Okay, that was all. Byez.**

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	7. Battle of the Bands III

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter VII: Battle of the Bands III_

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, or any of the songs mentioned down there. Twilight owns to Stephanie Meyer and the songs belong to whoever wrote them.**

After the Cullen's performance, it was time for Jacob's band to go up on stage and kick some serious rump. Him, Quil, Embry, and Sam walked up on stage. Jacob wore a pink shirt with sparkles all over it and a pair of leather pants. Sam wore a red shirt with hearts all over it. Quil and Embry wore 'I Love Avril Lavigne' soon as they got onstage, they were booed and almost pushed off the stage. That school didn't much like pop/punk bands. (I don't mind punk, **HATE** pop. Just thought I would mention that) When Jacob looked at them funny, they got really quiet to let them perform. He scared them. The first thing he said was 'I would like to dedicate these songs to my best friend Bella. These are for you, my dear, sweet Bella!' 'O brother' is all Bella could manage. Their setlist was:

_What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts_

_Lips of an Angel – Hinder_

_If We Were a Movie – Hannah Montana_

_My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne_

_That's What You Get – Paramore_

'_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry, every once, in a while  
Even though, going on, with you gone, still upsets me  
There are days, every now, and again, I pretend, I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder, getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know... If I could do it over  
I would trade, give away, all the words, that I saved, in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

(Solo)

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say (to say)  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

(And not seeing that loving you)  
That's what I was trying to do'

The audience all agreed that that was the most AWFUL performance that they have ever heard. They booed and even through tomatoes at them. O well, they performed the next song anyway. I don't know how they managed, with everyone booing and stuff, but they did.

'_Honey, why're you calling me so late?  
It's kinda hard to talk right now  
Honey why're you crying? Is everything okay?  
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

Well, my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice  
Saying my name it sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words, it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye,  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And yes I've dreamt of you too  
And does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight?  
No I don't think she has a clue

Well, my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice  
Saying my name it sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words, it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice  
Saying my name it sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words, it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

Honey, why're you calling me so late?'

That was just awful. Everybody was booing and yelling 'WE HATE YOU' and throwing fruit at them. Even Bella was. Quil and Embry threatened the audience, so they quieted long enough for the next song to be performed, though they dreaded it.

'_Uh-oh  
There you go again  
Talkin' cinematic  
Yeah, you  
You're charming  
Got everybody star struck_

I know...  
How you always seem to go  
For the obvious  
Instead of me  
But get a ticket and you'll see

If we were a movie  
You'd be the right guy  
And I'd be the best friend  
That you'd fall in love with  
In the end  
We'd be laughin'  
Watchin' the sunset  
Fade to black  
Show the names  
Play the happy song

Yeah-ah

Yeah, yeah  
When you call me  
I can hear it in your voice  
Oh, sure  
Wanna see me  
And tell me all about her

La, la  
I'll be actin' through my tears  
Guess you'll never know  
That I should win  
An Oscar for this scene I'm in

If we were a movie  
You'd be the right guy  
And I'd be the best friend  
That you'd fall in love with  
In the end  
We'd be laughin'  
Watchin' the sunset  
Fade to black  
Show the names  
Play the happy song

Wish I could tell you there's a twist  
Some kind of hero in disguise  
When we're together  
It's for real  
No playin'

Wish I could tell you there's a kiss  
Like somethin' more than in my mind  
I see it  
Could be amazing (could be amazing)

(We were a movie)

If we were a movie  
You'd be the right guy  
And I'd be the best friend  
That you'd fall in love with  
In the end  
We'd be laughin'  
Watchin' the sunset  
Fade to black  
Show the names  
Play the happy song  
(repeat 2x)'

That was it. _The Big Bad Wolves_ weren't gonna perform any more songs, and the audience knew it. Most of the audience member jumped up onstage and knocked them off. They tore down the stage, and everything was torn to shreds. It was awful. Finally, in all the remains of the school, one band showed up out of nowhere and said, 'Don't worry. We'll save this night from total disaster.' All of a sudden, Iron Man by Black Sabbath started playing in the background. 'Who is that mysterious band?', said most people. 'Look at how cool and mysterious they are! Look at the frontman! Isn't he just... awesome?' 'No… way!! I know who that is! It's…'

_To Be Continued_

_End of Chapter VII_

**A/N= Please review this! I need song suggestions and a good band name for the "mysterious man's" band. And some songs for him. Btw, I'm giving credit to AliceCullen784 and Brenda Sprouse for helping me come up with some songs. Also, my friend Kacee. HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	8. A Performance and Cullen's Conversation

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter VIII Part I: Mike's Performance_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of it's characters, or the song mentioned down there. If I did own Twilight, Bella would be for Jacob (Sorry, not a huge Edward fan.)**

_*Recap*_

'_No… way. I know who that is! It's…'_

'O my Carlisle!' someone yelled. 'It's that dweeb, Mike Newton! He's such a wannabe!' 'Yea, he isn't cool. At all.'

Mike wasn't paying any attention, so he just went on his way. 'Okay, listen. I'm totally gonna save this show from utter destruction. I'm gonna play an awesome song, and you guys are gonna like it! Okay, hit it boys!' In the background some people were getting their instruments ready while listening to the crowd boo. 'Woo, lets go! We are Mike and the Boys!' That was Mike that yelled. He began playing, immediately being booed by the audience. They knew the song, they liked it, but Mike made it sound bad.

'This is for you Bella! And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!'

'_I __need an easy friend  
I do... with an ear to lend  
I do... think you fit this shoe  
I do... but you have a clue_

I'll take advantage while  
You hang me out to dry  
But I can't see you every night  
Free  
I do

I'm standing in your line  
I do... hope you have the time  
I do... pick a number too  
I do... keep a date with you

I'll take advantage while  
You hang me out to dry  
But I can't see you every night  
Free  
I do

I need an easy friend  
I do... with an ear to lend  
I do... think you fit this shoe  
I do... but you have a clue

I'll take advantage while  
You hang me out to dry  
But I can't see you every night  
But I can't see you every night  
Free...  
I do  
I do  
I do'

Everyone started booing Mike after this. There were lots of yells like 'YOU'RE AWFUL! GO DIE IN A HOLE!' and 'DUDE, YOU'RE NOT KURT COBAIN, FACE IT!' Nelbyisthemasterofpenguins (my friend) was in the audience and she burped the words 'Turtles, penguins, after him!' So the turtles and penguins went after him. It was one wild night.

'Dude, we need to get home. The turtles are scaring me. They're out to get me!' shouted Emmet. That kid wasn't right in the mind. 'Yea, we do need to get back. I'm missing the new Hannah Montana!' 'Rosalie, I think there is something wrong with you if you like that retarded excuse for a singer. Her acting is almost as bad as her singing' said Edward. Rosalie just glared at him. Carlisle spoke up. 'So, are we just gonna stand here or go already?' So they left.

_Chapter VIII Part II: The Cullen's Internet Conversation_

_Grizzly Bear, Emo-tastic, Lazy Lion, and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl have signed on_

Grizzly Bear: Hey Edward, look like you have some competition! There's you, Jacob, and Mike! You must feel special!

Emo-tastic: I'm serious, they're emotions were crazy. They were all gooey and lovey and fluffy! I hated it!

Lazy Lion: Shut up guys, I work for the turtles and penguins both and they know where you live. So be afraid. Be verrrrrrrrryyyyyyy afraid!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Can it, you big Fubbies! I'm not in the best mood right now!

Emo-tastic: I can tell.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: I thought I said to can it, Fubby! Leave me alone! I'm too embarrassed to go anywhere. I'll never show my face in public again!

Grizzly Bear: OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo! Bella's getting mad! Bella's getting mad!

Lazy Lion: Hang on guys, I'll be right back. Emmet, can I discuss something with you?

Grizzly Bear: Sure, bye everyone!

_Lazy Lion and Grizzly Bear have signed off_

Emo-tastic: O no… Edward and Emmet are fighting. I need to go check on them. Bye Bella, I'll talk to you later.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Okay, bye Jasper. I'm gonna go watch the fight, I wanna see Emmet get hurt.

_Emo-tastic and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl have signed off_

_*In the background*_

'No! NO! NOOOOOOOOoooooo! Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! I can't let you do this!' 'O yes, I'm definitely going to do it! Mr. Turtleeeeeeee, Emmet needs a spanky spanky! He also needs the box…' So Edward got up, grabbed a box, put Emmet in it, and Mr. Turtle with him. Poor old Emmet couldn't take this, so he passed out. Jasper and Bella broke into laughter, and Edward just glared at him. 'That'll teach you to mess with Bella again!'

_End of Chapter VIII_

**A/N= Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next few will be internet conversations. BUT, in order to get those chapters, I have to have at LEAST three reviews. Sorry, that's just the way I roll. And if I made any Hannah Montana fan angry, I'm sorry. I just don't like her. Flame away, flames will only keep me warm in the winter. :D Bye everyone, please review! If you don't, I'll get the turtles after you! And you don't want the turtles after you, trust me. By the way, if you were wondering what a 'Fubby' is, it is a word my friend Megan created. She was trying to type 'funny' when she and Cody were talking on Windows Live but she typed 'fubby' instead. She told me and it was very hilarious. Btw... REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	9. Turtles, Penguins, Butterflies, O My!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter IX: Turtles, Butterflies, and Penguins, O My!_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of its characters. If I did, Jasper would be the main character and Bella would love_ Jasper. :D**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Grizzly Bear, Too Cute 4 U, Lazy Lion, and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl have signed on_

Grizzly Bear: Howdy peoples! How goes it?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: It isn't great. I got made fun of all day at school! Do you know what it feels like to be made fun of by your teacher?!

Lazy Lion: I'm so sorry, Bella, love. It will be fine. The next time someone makes fun of you, I will…

Too Cute 4 U: What? Tell them the butterflies are after them?

Grizzly Bear: O no! Now the _butterflies_ are after us! Not them! Ugh, I should've known. I caught one looking at me funny.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Yea, I know! I seen the penguins, turtles, _and_ the butterflies looking at me funny! Edward, I think they're out to get us!

Lazy Lion: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo! They can't be!

Too Cute 4 U: Um, I need to leave now. I still value my sanity. Bye everyone, don't let the weakling _butterflies_ get you!

_Too Cute 4 U has signed off_

_Psychic Shopper67 has signed on_

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Alice! Have you heard the news? The butterflies are after us now!

Grizzly Bear: Yea, I saw one looking at me funny.

Lazy Lion: Alice, is this true? Are they out to get us?

Psychic Shopper67: Yes, guys. The butterflies, the penguins, and the turtles are all after us!

Lazy Lion: Well, can you see when they attack?

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, hang on a second.

Grizzly Bear: I'm telling you guys, if I see a butterfly and it looks at me funny, I'm gonna…

Psychic Shopper67: MONDAY! THEY'RE PLANNING THEIR ATTACK FOR MONDAY!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Well, today is Friday, so we have two days to prepare for the attack. What are we supposed to do?

Psychic Shopper67: They're planning to attack us here, so we need to head to the mall…

Grizzly Bear: NO! NOT THE MALL!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Okay, fine. But don't come crying to us when the butterflies, turtles, and penguins all get you.

Grizzly Bear: Okay, I'm in! We're going to the mall!

Lazy Lion: Rawr. I don't like the mall. O well, I have a fly swatter. I'll just kill them.

Psychic Shopper67: Fine, but we're not taking any chances.

Grizzly Bear: Edward, when you die, can I preach your funeral?!

Lazy Lion: What? NO!

Grizzly Bear: Fine, be that way.

Lazy Lion: I _am_ that way.

Psychic Shopper67: Guys, we need to leave. Esme needs help cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. _Somebody _thought it would be funny to break all of them.

Everyone: *stares at Emmet*

Grizzly Bear: What?

Lazy Lion: Nevermind. Come on, lets go.

Everyone: Okay.

_Grizzly Bear, Lazy Lion, Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, and Psychic Shopper67 have signed off._

**A/N: I'm sorry, guys, if this isn't that funny. I'm not feeling as good as I normally do today. Btw, thanks for all the reviews! I would appreciate some more, to make me feel better. :P Here are some cookies to all my wonderful reviewers. You guys are the best! (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) Don't forget to remember to review! Also, the next chapter will be set at the mall with Emmet, Jasper, Alice and Bella. Edward and Rosalie are staying at home, they don't want to 'lose their sanity.' One more thing... REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	10. The BurpOff!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter X: The Burp-Off!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, or anyone/anything else mentioned down there. If I did, I would be incredibly rich and stuff. :D**

**A/N: Btw, this chapter is dedicated to my friends nelbyisthemasterofpenguins and Hoops1996. They asked if I could add them in a chapter so I did. I added Cody, Mak, and Kier because I think they deserve to be in here. They are my other bestest friends. Plus, I added Melvin in here for Hoops because she is a Sailor Moon nut, like me. ;P**

_-At the Mall-_

It was Monday, the day that Alice had predicted the turtles, butterflies, and penguins were going to attack. In order to stay safe, Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Emmet all went to the mall. It was more boring than they thought. Jasper and Emmet stopped at GameStop inside the mall, while Alice and Bella went to Old Navy. After they did all of that, they met up at the lobby.

'Alice, when will it be safe to go home? I'm tired of pwning Emmet at Guitar Hero: Metallica!' 'Dude, I pwned you and you know it!' 'Aw, can it you big Fubby.' 'Guys, they're not leaving until 6:00 tonight.' Bella, who everyone forgot who was there because she was so quiet, asked 'What time is it now?' 'It is… 4:30!' Emmet looked annoyed. 'Ugh, stupid butterflies! What are we gonna do for two and a half hours?'

All of a sudden, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, Hoops1996, Mike Newton, Melvin (the doofy kid from Sailor Moon), my friends Cody, Mak, Makiah (Kier), and I showed up. Nelby (I'll just type that, I won't add the rest due to me being lazy :P) was the first one to pipe up. 'Are you guys bored? Well, so am I. So, I brought a 24 pack of Dr. Pepper so we could have a burp-off. Are you guys up for it?' Jasper replied 'Sure, we have nothing better to do. We're here for two and a half more hours until the butterflies, the turtles, and the penguins go away.' Hoops was the one to reply. 'O my gosh, you're hiding from them too?! I caught one looking at me funny!' 'Dude, so did I! Weird, huh?' 'Aw, shut up Emmet, nobody loves you' said Bella. 'Nuh-uh, Esme loves me!' Cody, being his impatient self, practically yelled 'Are we gonna do this or not?!' He sort of scared us, so we started.

'Okay everyone, I'll be the judge' said I, AllApologies. 'The first one to burp will be Hoops' Hoops got up, got a drink of Dr. Pepper, and burped. It was real puny though, and even vampires couldn't hear it. It was pretty sad. 'Hoops, that was just awful,' said Nelby. 'This is how it's done: (PS these words are burped) Margaret. You. Can't. Burp. Right. This. Is. How. It's. Done!' 'Aw shut up Shelby, now you're just bragging! Andrea, tell her to stop!' I just looked at her. 'Sorry Hoops, but the idea of the game is to beat them, not feel sorry and let them win! And it's AllApologies to you! _Anyways,_ Jasper, it's your turn. So Jasper stood up, and didn't even get a drink of Dr. Pepper. His burp was so huge, a random guy's ears popped. He's just that good. With a smile of satisfaction, Jasper sat down. 'Jasper! That. Was. Amazing! So far, you and Nelby are tied for the win. 'AllApologies, you seriously thought that was good? Dang, you should hear me!' After that remark, Emmet stood up, drank some Dr. Pepper (vampires shouldn't do that, but o well. It's a story. It isn't _supposed_ to make sense. [Yu-Gi-Oh! Reference]) After he chugged a whole Dr. Pepper, he burped so loud that it popped _2_ guys ears.

'That was good, Emmet. If only it lasted a bit longer… Next up, Mike and Melvin! They're doing this together because they're both nerds. They're just that way.' 'Is that an insult?!' '… No… Don't you have to, like, burp or something?' 'O yea! C'mon Melvin, let's win this thing!'

With that, Mike and Melvin stood up, opened their mouths to burp… Nothing came out. 'Um, this is weird. I _know_ we can do this! Why ain't it working?!' 'Sorry, guys, but you failed. Up next is…' 'Whaddaya mean?! We just _have_ to win!' 'Um, too bad! Okay, Bella, your turn!'

Mike and Melvin were incredibly mad, but they walked off anyways. Now Bella walked up. 'I'm sorry if this is puny you guys. I'm not good at stuff like this.' So she burped and it was tiny. No one heard it, except for Alice, who was super close to her. 'Nice try, Bella. That was okay, I guess. Next up, Kier!' 'No, I'm not going. Unlike _you guys, _I'm a lady, and I don't do stuff like that. Let Mak go in my place.'

So he did.

His burp was so loud it shook the building. …Yup, that's Mak for you. I just stood there, speechless. 'Dude, that was awesome! 10 out of 10!' Mak didn't know what to think. He never gets complimented. He was so happy he started dancing. It was funny.

'You think his was good? You should hear me!' chirped Alice. She got a swig of Dr. Pepper, walked up, and burped. It was so loud, a few people passed out, the building shook, and the roof came off and fell back on like in the cartoons. 'Alice. I honestly can't believe you did that! I mean, seriously! You're so small! How could you hold a burp so big?!' She just simply answered, 'Practice.'

Cody, who had left, had just came back. 'Did you guys hear that rumbling? It shook all the way at the GameStop, which is at the other end of the building!' Alice smiled. 'That was from me!!' She was obviously proud of her humongous burp. 'You guys can burp, but you can't do this!'

Then Cody cracked one so huge that everyone in the mall passed out. 'Come _on!_ Was it really _that _bad?!' was all he could say.

_**-End of Chapter X-**_

**A/N: Sorry guys. I know this isn't my best work. I don't feel all that great. This was all I could come up with. I promise you, the next chapters will be better than this. Btw, I need three reviews before I update. Sorry. I just want to know what you think of it. I honestly don't mind flames. I know this isn't my best chapter, and I don't mind hearing it. ;P And remember: REVIEW OR I'LL GET THE BUTTERFLIES, TURTLES, AND PENGUINS AFTER YOU! AND THE FROGS! THE FROGS ARE EVIL TOO! Ahem. Now that that's out of my system… Review!**

**_~AllApologies451994_**


	11. The Volturi Visit!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

Chapter XI: The Volturi Visit

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, the Nintendo, or the DSi commercial saying. :P

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl** Alice: Psychic Shopper67

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_**Special Guests:**_

Aro: Rays_of_Sunshine

**Caius: Master of Evil**

**Marcus: Bored to Death**

_Lazy Lion, Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, Emo-tastic, and Psychic Shopper67 have signed on_Emo-tasic: Howdy peoples. 'Sup?

Lazy Lion: Nuffin. I'm bored to death. Charlie won't let me at Bella's house and she can't be here. 

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Yea, Charlie can be so mean sometimes! How _dare _he not let us go to see each other?!

Emo-tastic: Edward, can you stop being so boring?! You're making me feel all bored and stuff.

Lazy Lion: I'm sorry, but I can't help it.

Emo-tastic: Fine, be that way.

Lazy Lion: I _am_ that way.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Hey guys, I thought Alice signed on. How come she isn't talking?

Lazy Lion: … She's having a vision.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: What is she seeing? Huh? HUH?!

Psychic Shopper67: I just… it was… this can't be… what…?

Emo-tastic: Spit it out, someone!

Lazy Lion and Psychic Shopper67 in unison: The Volturi.

Psychic Shopper67: They're gonna enter this conversation in approximately 30 seconds.

(Btw, this is set BEFORE Breaking Dawn. Hee hee hee…)

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: ?! But I'm not even a vampire! What if they figure it out?!

Lazy Lion: They trust that I've already turned you. They won't ask about it. Just stay cool and don't mention anything about it.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Okay, I'll try.

_Rays_of_Sunshine, Master of Evil, Bored to Death, and Carlizzle_the_Vamp have signed on_

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Hello, Aro, my good friend. How are you?

Rays_of_Sunshine: I'm doing just fine. I was just admiring how beautiful today is! Life is wonderful, don't you agree?

Bored to Death: No. It's boring.

Master of Evil: Of course it's wonderful! (wonderful for killing stuff…)

Rays_of_Sunshine: What was that, Caius?

Master of Evil: Nuffin, Aro.

Rays_of_Sunshine: Okay. It's so beautiful out today!

Lazy Lion: Yup. Sure is. Hey Aro, wanna go admire the beauty of outside and leave here?

Rays_of_Sunshine: Yes, Edward, that sounds simply _marvelous!_ Come on guys, let's go!

_Rays_of_Sunshine, Master of Evil, and Bored to Death have signed off_

Emo-tastic: Woo, I thought they would never leave!

Psychic Shopper67: I'm glad they left. Thanks for mentioning that, Edward! I owe you one. They were going to ask about Bella.

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: … What the heck were the Volturi doing here anyways?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Your guess is as good as mine.

Lazy Lion: -giggles- Aro was wanting to know if you would dump Esme so he could go out with her.

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: HE WHAT?! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

Emo-tastic: Dude, calm down!

Psychic Shopper67: …

Lazy Lion: O no, she's having another vision. …No, he wouldn't! I'm getting the frogs after him!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: What's going on, Edward?

Lazy Lion: Emmet is going to go in the mall, put glitter all over himself, and shout 'I'm such a pretty vampire! Look at me!'

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: …That is wrong on so many levels.

Emo-tastic: Okay, let's go get him before… well, you know.

Psychic Shopper67: We have 10 minutes to get to the mall. Let's go!

_Psychic Shopper67, Emo-tastic, Klutzy_Vampire_Girl, Lazy Lion, and Carlizzle_the_Vamp have signed off_

A/N: This chapter wasn't so great, I know. I'm running low on creativity. By the way, I need 3 more reviews before I update. I don't care what you write, I just want to know you read it. You could say 'I love this story!', or 'I hate your guts, go fall in a hole and die!', or 'My dog has a purdy collar.' Or an odd combination of the three. :P So remember, please review! REVIEW! RAWR!


	12. The Magnificent Grizzly Bear!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_-Chapter XII: The Magnificent Grizzly Bear-_

**A/N: Hey guys. I finally got my first flamer. I feel so loved. /sarcasm/ Btw, 'Gorgeous Flamer', or whoever you are, this is a fan fiction. It isn't SUPPOSED to make sense. And, as a matter of fact, I've read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, and about half of The Host. I just have one tiny question to ask you: If you didn't like the story, why did you continue to read it? Because you have nothing better to do with your time than criticize people's work? Sorry about my rant, I just had to get that out of my system.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. If I did, would I be writing this right now?**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Grizzly Bear, Too Cute 4 U, Emo-tastic, and Psychic Shopper67 have signed on_

Grizzly Bear: Hey guys. How goes it?

Too Cute 4 U: Nothing, my wonderful Emmy Bear. What about you? Are you okay?

Grizzly Bear: Yea, I'm more than okay. I'm fantastic!

Emo-tastic: Yea, I can tell! Why are you so happy?!

Psychic Shopper67: Emmet! That is the WORST plan I believe you've ever had!

Grizzly Bear: Is it really THAT bad?!

Too Cute 4 U: What is he planning on doing?

Emo-tastic: I don't think I wanna know.

Psychic Shopper67: He's…

Grizzly Bear: NO! I WANT TO TELL THEM!

Psychic Shopper67: Okay

Grizzly Bear: Yea! Since Edward and Alice ruined my prank at the mall, I'm gonna host a magic show at the mall! Are you guys gonna come watch?

Alice and Jasper (in unison): No.

Grizzly Bear: I thought you wouldn't come. I just wanted to try.

Psychic Shopper67: Jasper, we better go. I want to go shopping and I have to have somebody to carry my stuff!

Emo-tastic: O brother…

Psychic Shopper67: Aw, can it and come on already!

Emo-tastic: Fine…

_Emo-tastic and Psychic Shopper67 have signed off_

Too Cute 4 U: Come on Emmy Bear, let's get you ready for your magic show. By the way, what is your stage name?

Grizzly Bear: Huh?

Too Cute 4 U: Every great magician has a stage name, silly!

Grizzly Bear: Okay, I'll be the Magnificent Grizzly Bear!

Too Cute 4 U: Alright Em- Magnificent Grizzly Bear, let's go!

Grizzly Bear: Okay.

_-At the Mall-_

Emmet, or the Magnificent Grizzly Bear, was putting his stuff on the stage. After he set everything up, he tried to attract an audience. Key word: tried. After many poor attempts to bring attention to his show, he only got 4 people. He got Rosalie, some random dude, his girlfriend, and a hobo. Yea, not a good turn out.

'First,' Emmet said, 'I would like to make a rabbit come out of my hat!' So Emmet grabbed a hat off of the table, grabbed it, and stuck his hand down it. Then he started mumbling to himself. 'Where is the rabbit? I don't see it…' Just then, Emmet turned the hat upside down, and a stuffed rabbit fell out of it. 'Woo! It came out!' Just then, everyone looked at him funny. Rosalie was ashamed; she just had her head in her hands.

'Ahem. For my next trick, I'm going to… um… make myself disappear!' So Emmet got in a box and pulled the curtain, making it look like he disappeared.

'Do you reckon he can hear us?' said somebody. I think it was the random dude. 'No, I don't think so' said his girlfriend. Then the hobo piped up. 'Let's go, while we still have the chance!' So everyone left except for Rosalie. 'Come on Emmet, let's go home' Rosalie muttered. So Emmet came out of the box. 'Rose? Can I ask you something?' 'Yea Emmy, you can ask me anything!' 'Was my show alright?' 'Well… I guess?' 'Thanks Rose, I knew somebody would appreciate it!'

And with that they walked outside, got in the car, and went home.

**A/N: Hey guys! I don't know if this chapter is good or not. I know I shouldn't let a flamer get on my nerves, and I won't, but I need to ask everyone else something: Are my parodies really that bad? I thought they were funny, but that's just me. Please, tell me in a review. If you want to give me any ideas to make it better, please let me know. By the way, this question is for whoever 'Gorgeous Flamer' is. What do YOU think would make a good story? Please give me some ideas, God forbid I write a story that you don't enjoy! /sarcasm/ Okay people, please review!**


	13. The 50 Reviews Special!

_**Twilight on Windows Live!**_

_Chapter XIII: The 50 __Reviews Special!_

**A/N: Dang! Has it **_**really **_**been 50 reviews already?! (And yes, I count flames as reviews) I can't believe it! So, in honor of over 50 reviews, Biscuit Lady (aka Hoops1996) and I got together and figured out something that would be cool! I don't wanna spoil anything in the author's note, so you just have to read to find out. :D Hope you like it! (PS the names of people who haven't reviewed are the names of my friends. Er, nicknames. I'm not saying their real names [except for one.])**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight or any of its characters. Do you Biscuit Lady? **_**AllApologies, don't be stupid, you know I don't own Twilight or its characters! Gawsh! **_**Sheesh Biscuit Lady, what's with the attitude? **_**Too many biscuits does that to you. **_**–I back away slowly- **

'Hey Jasper, you ready to head out?' asked Carlisle. 'Yea Carlisle, let's go.' In honor of AllApologies' 50 reviews, they all headed out to the school to play a special concert for every reviewer and friends of Biscuit Lady and me.

Those people are (keep in mind this is EVERYONE who has ever reviewed, not just the people that have reviewed a whole lot. This is also in no particular order) THE REVIEWERS: AliceCullen784, feralfairy, Sarah the VAMPIRE, Monkey Fighter Ninja (my uncle), FabioandRichardForever, ForeverTwilight-Nikki, DarkAngelz200, TwilightCrazy33, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins (my bestest friend EVAR!), Dis is my account, belmo18, Brenda Sprouse, Cullen of the Night, Dubbles, mikky546, twilight saga fan for ever, and Gorgeous Flamer (I count her/his flames as reviews)

MY FRIENDS (their nicknames, not real names): RaysofSunshine, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, The Devil, PhatBoyBubba, MakAttack, Phil (real name; couldn't think of a nickname for him), GatorBoy, and Mr. Brainy.

So, the band _Darkest Hours _got ready and headed on out to (my school). Once they got there, Emmet, Jasper, and Carlisle all were attacked by rabid fan girls. 'O MY GOSH, IT'S JASPER HALE! AFTER HIM!', 'EMMET, DUMP ROSALIE, YOU SHOULD BE MINE!!', and 'O MY CARLIZZLE! YOU'RE CARLIZZLE! ESME ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, PICK MEEEEEEEEEEEE!' were many of the things heard. Edward didn't get any screams from fan girls. 'It's okay honey, they wouldn't know awesome if it bit them in the rump.' 'Don't worry Bella. I'm not mad. I'm sorta glad I ain't got any fan girls. They're about to kill Jasper, Emmet, and Carlisle!'

Then, a random group of fan boys started yelling. There was many screams of 'ALICE, PICK ME! I'LL GO SHOPPING WITH YOU!' and 'ROSALIE, I'M TEN TIMES BETTER THAN EMMET EVER THOUGHT TO BE, PICK ME!' and, last but not least, 'BELLA! DUMP THAT EVIL, ABUSIVE VAMPIRE THING! YOU SHOULD BE MINE! ALL MINE!'

Poor old Bella didn't know what to think. 'Edward? Those guys scare me. They sound worse than Mike Newton!'

After many signed autographs and screams toward the Twilight characters, _Darkest Hours _got up on stage and said 'Howdy everybody, y'all ready to rock?!?!?!?!?!' After many screams of 'Yup' and 'Yea buddy!' _Darkest Hours _began to perform their first song, Barbie Girl by Aqua. I know they're retards. But what can we do about it? Nobody was listening, so they just started talking. PhatBoyBubba, MakAttack, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, RaysofSunshine, Monkey Fighter Ninja, Biscuit Lady, and I were all in a corner, just talking about random stuff.

'So, Devil, when are you gonna ask SquireKid out?' PhatBoyBubba asked. 'Shut up! I'm not gonna ask him out, just deal with it!' So I asked 'Why not?' At random, Mr. Brainy popped in and said 'Because if she did I would beat SquireKid up and make her go out with me!' 'I never loved you, I don't love you now, nor will I ever love you, Brian, so shut up!' 'Aw man…' Then he walked off. Then it got quiet. 'Dang, it's quiet!' Biscuit Lady nearly shouted it. 'I'm gonna go over there! I gots to have my biscuits before the day ends!'

So she left.

'Guess what? My name is ten times cooler than yours because it is Monkey Fighter Ninja. It has the three best words in all existence!' said Monkey Fighter Ninja. 'O my Gosh, like, monkeys rock!' replied the Devil. She had an odd obsession with monkeys. Nobody really knew why. 'Hey, Devil? Can I ask you something?' MakAttack asked. She replied yes, which she immediately regretted. 'If you love GatorBoy, why won't you ask him out?' 'Hmm… let me think. MAYBE BECAUSE HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND?' PhatBoyBubba and I just laughed at him. 'O. That explains it.'

'Okay everyone! Now's time for our next song, _Smells Like Teen Spirit _by Nirvana!' I nearly fell over dancing with excitement. Nirvana was only, like, the best band EVAR! 'Aw man! I was hoping to hear Smells Like Nirvana by Weird Al!' said nelbyisthemasterofpenguins. She hated Nirvana, but she liked the rip off song.

Over in the corner, all the reviewers I mentioned above were talking. 'O. My. Gosh. I can't believe I got to meet the Twilight characters!' said AliceCullen784. 'Yea, they're taller than I thought!' said feralfairy. 'OMG OMG OMG!' said someone in the group. 'I just saw Emmet Cullen wink at me!' 'Um… no you didn't. He was blinking to get the sweat out of his eyes.' 'O. Why did you have to crush my dreams like that?! Wah!' So he/she or whoever ran off.

'Woo, that was the best 5 minutes I've ever had!' said Jasper. Nirvana was his favorite band, too. 'Up next, I'm a Gummy Bear! I forgot who it was by, though.' Nelbyisthemasterofpenguins absolutely adored this song, so she started dancing. 'Hey' piped RaysofSunshine, 'I want to dance too! So does my imaginary Yoshi!' So she got up with her 'imaginary Yoshi' and started dancing with nelby. Phil came over and just looked at them funny. 'Are they even right in the mind?' Then everybody there said in unison 'Nope.' Biscuit Lady was sitting by herself in a corner eating biscuits, laughing at how retarded nelby and RaysofSunshine were.

'Okay, that sure was fun! That was only the best song ever!' shouted Emmet. 'Shut up Emmet! Gosh!' Edward yelled back to Emmet. '_Anyways,'_ said Carlisle, 'now is time for a forth and final song, the Cha Cha Slide!'

So everybody got up and started dancing along with the band. GatorBoy got up and shouted 'O yea baby! This is how we dance!' So he started break dancing in the middle of the floor. Emmet looked at him and smiled. 'Hey, that looks like fun! Let me try!' So GatorBoy got up and Emmet started dancing. He tripped 7 times and he fell over 16 times. It was hilarious. Trust me.

After all the chaos, the Cullen's all signed more autographs and stuff that celebrities do, and then they got in Edward's Volvo and left. On the way there, Carlisle said 'Man, that was one heck of a party! Did you see all those evil children?! They tried to kill us!' 'Shut up Carlisle, you're just jealous because you didn't have as many fan girls as me!' Emmet told him. 'Yea, but NO ONE had as many as me! I'm just awesome like that' retorted Jasper. That started the war on who was the most awesome. All the girls sighed and just listened and laughed at the boys. 'Ahh. When will they ever learn?'

**A/N: Thanks to all my dear reviewers! Without you guys, this chapter wouldn't have even existed! Remember, I'm having my next 'celebration' like this after 75 reviews. Don't worry, though. It won't be like this. It will be better. Just trust me on that. So… do you guys know what to do? Huh? Well, lemme tell you. REVIEW! RAWR! I NEED REVIEWS! AGH! Ahem. Now I got that out of my system. By the way, I need some more ideas for something Emmet and Jasper can do in later chapters. I'm running out of ideas. So, review, and I won't rip your head off. Just kidding. I won't rip your head off. But seriously. Review! RAWR!**


	14. Complete Randomness

Twilight on Windows Live!

Chapter XIV: Complete Randomness

Written By: AllApologies451994

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. Or its characters. Just clearing that up. I also don't own Nintendo, the DSi commercial, or American Idol. Or Spongebob. HaHa :P**

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-Tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Emo-Tastic, Grizzly Bear, and Klutzy_Vampire_Girl have signed on_

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Hey guys. What's up?

Grizzly Bear: Nuffin but a muffin!

Emo-Tastic: Dude, that was so lame…

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Ooo! He told you!

Grizzly Bear: Well… um… You're so ugly, you're mom never really even loved you!

Emo-Tastic: Yes she does! Esme loves me because I'm the good child! I'm ten times better than you!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Um… Jasper? You do know that that was part of the DSi commercial, right? There's no need to get so upset.

Emo-Tastic: O. I knew that. Heh heh heh…

Grizzly Bear: Hey, American Idol so rocks!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Yea, Danny is gonna win!

Emo-Tastic: Nuh uh! Everyone know that Adam is the best! Duh!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: No, Danny!

Emo-Tastic: You're wrong, it's Adam!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Danny!

Emo-Tastic: Adam!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: Danny!

Emo-Tastic: Adam!

Grizzly Bear: Emmet!

Emo-Tastic: What the heck, Emmet? Just shut up!

Grizzly Bear: STOP BEING MEAN TO MEEEEE! I'M TELLING ESME! WAHH!!! :'(

_Grizzly Bear has signed off_

Emo-Tastic: …That was wrong…

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: I know.

_Psychic Shopper67 has signed on_

Psychic Shopper67: Howdy my peeps! What is UP?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: The sky.

Emo-Tastic: Well then.

Psychic Shopper67: Um… Why is Esme hollering at Emmet?

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: It's a long story. You don't wanna know.

Psychic Shopper67: No, probably not. O! Edward's gonna be on in about…

_Lazy Lion has signed on_

Psychic Shopper67: …Now

Lazy Lion: Why is Emmet…?

Emo-Tastic: It's nothing. Don't worry about it.

Lazy Lion: Okay. You know what's awesome?

Emo-Tastic: What?

Lazy Lion: SPONGEBOB!

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: O my gosh, I LOVE Spongebob!

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, totally! It's so awesome!

Emo-Tastic: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Everyone: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Lazy Lion: …Let's not sing that anymore. That wasn't right. At all.

Klutzy_Vampire_Girl: You know what? I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get me some grub. Bye everyone.

Lazy Lion: Bye, Bella love.

_Klutzy_Vampire_Girl has signed off_

Psychic Shopper67: O MY GOSH! THERE IS A NEW EPISODE OF iCarly on! We totally need to go watch it!

Emo-Tastic: Yea, let's go!

_Emo-Tastic and Psychic Shopper67 have signed off_

Lazy Lion: Hello? Is anyone here? …Boo. Now I'm lonely. NOOOOO! O well, I'll go watch some TV or something. …Why am I talking to myself?! I'M GOING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Lazy Lion has signed off_

**A/N: REVIEW!!! I haven't got a whole lot of reviews lately, and now I feel depressed. WAH!!! NOBODY LOVES MEEEEEEE! …Um. I just had an emo moment. Sorry 'bout that. I'm normal now. …Review? Please? (::) I've got cookies! PS, Jasper is right, Adam is SO gonna win… I can't wait till Wednesday, SLASH IS GONNA BE ON AMERICAN IDOL! GO SLASH! WOO! (If you don't know who Slash is, he's the old guitarist for Guns 'N' Roses, Slash's Snake Pit, and Velvet Revolver. But I'm sure you guys know who he is. EVERYONE knows who Slash is…) By the way... REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

~AllApologies451994


	15. A Lesson With Carlisle

Twilight on Windows Live!

Chapter XV: A Lesson With Carlisle

Disclaimer: If I owned this crap, I would be famous and not waste my time writing lousy fanfictions. So no, I don't own it.

**Edward: Lazy Lion**

**Bella: Klutzy_Vampire_Girl**

**Alice: Psychic Shopper67**

**Emmet: Grizzly Bear**

**Jasper: Emo-Tastic**

**Rosalie: Too Cute 4 U**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle_the_Vamp**

**Esme: Distressed_Mother**

_Lazy Lion, Psychic Shopper67, Grizzly Bear, Emo-Tastic, Too Cute 4 U, and Carlizzle_the_Vamp have signed on_

Too Cute 4 U: What up, losers?

Lazy Lion: Shut up, Rosalie. Gosh, what is wrong with you?

Grizzly Bear: OOOOOOOooooooo! Daddy, they're arguing!

Emo-Tastic: What is wrong with you, Emmet?

Grizzly Bear: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!!!

Emo-Tastic: Dude, I didn't do anything!

Psychic Shopper67: Yea, Jazzy didn't do anything!

Emo-Tastic: Thank you Alice.

Psychic Shopper67: Any time, Jazz.

Too Cute 4 U: Gosh, now they're gonna get all lovey dovey. Carlisle, make them shut up!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: All of you, shut up! Shut. Up!

Lazy Lion: Sheesh, who's a cranky pants? You are! …Where's Bella?

Psychic Shopper67: She had to go grocery shopping for Charlie. They're running out of food.

Lazy Lion: Okay.

Emo-Tastic: So, Carlisle, why did you force us on here?

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: What do you mean? I didn't force you.

Grizzly Bear: Yes you did! You said that if we didn't get on here you would…

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: OKAY EMMET! Now, what I would like to talk to you about today is how to stay safe in the wilderness.

Too Cute 4 U: Well dang! This is SO boring! I'm outta here.

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: No you're not! You are gonna listen to me, you are gonna like it, or I'm getting the turtles after you!

Too Cute 4 U: Okay, I'll be good.

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: So, do any of you know what to do when you see a snake in the wild?

Grizzly Bear: I KNOW, I KNOW! PICK ME! PICK ME!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Okay, Emmet?

Grizzly Bear: STOP, DROP, AND ROLL! THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Um, no… That's not right, Emmet.

Grizzly Bear: Well, shoot!

Lazy Lion: What do you mean? I don't have a gun _to shoot!_

Emo-Tastic: Well I swear that I don't have a gun…

Psychic Shopper67: Jasper? Why are you singing Come as You Are by Nirvana?

Emo-Tastic: Because that song is awesome! Duh!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: SHUT UP! …Ahem. No, when you see a snake, you get up slowly, and walk away calmly.

Grizzly Bear: NUH-UH! You run around screaming 'MOMMY! HELP ME! THERE'S A SNAKE AFTER MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!'

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Emmet, are you right in the mind?

Grizzly Bear: I forgot to take my medication.

Too Cute 4 U: O NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Grizzly Bear: Yea, you may think that, but for me I'm having the time of my life! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carlizzle_the_Vamp: Fine, be that way! I can't teach you guys nothing because of Emmet! I'm out!

_Carlizzle_the_Vamp has signed out_

Everyone: -Looks at Emmet-

Grizzly Bear: What did I do?

_Everyone has signed out_

A/N: Okay, sorry if this chapter is stupid, but I just HAD to put it. My family was out riding four wheelers, and we got up to stretch our legs and stuff. We were sitting there talking about snakes, and daddy said 'Do you girls know what to do when you see a snake?' and Cassidy (my little sister) said 'STOP DROP AND ROLL! THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER!' It was funny. And the part about the medication was me and Biscuit Lady (Hoops1996) were talking. This is how the conversation went:

**Me: Margaret, are you right in the mind?**

_Biscuit Lady: Naw, I forgot my medication_

**Me: NOOOOOOOO!**

_BL: You may think that, but for me I'm having the time of my life!_

Um… Review? It'll make me haaaaaaaaapppppppppppy! And if you don't Biscuit Lady will send the turtles after you. Nah, just kidding. But seriously. Review! REVIEW, DANGIT! LoL. :P


	16. How Edward and Bella REALLY Met

Twilight on Windows Live!

Chapter XVI: How Bella and Edward _Really _Met

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, its characters, Mountain Dew, M&M's, or Smarties.

(Note: Names have changed.)

**Carlisle: Dr. Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

_The Lion King, Teddy Weddy, EMOtion, Mrs. Shopaholic, Lamb of God, and Better Than You have all signed on._

Teddy Weddy: Howdy my peeps? What's up, yo?

Better Than You: Please, Emmet, stop talking like that.

Teddy Weddy: I don't think I can.

EMOtion: And why can't you?

Teddy Weddy: Well, dawg, I _may _have had a few packs of Smarties.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Dear God, Emmet! How _few_ packs?

Teddy Weddy: Um, I can't remember. I sort of blanked out after 37...

Lamb of God: O MY GOD EMMET! You had 37 packs of Smarties?!?!?!?!?!

Teddy Weddy: What? Who are you? YOU WORK FOR THE TURTLES, DON'T YOU?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lamb of God: Um, I don't know how to respond to that...

Mrs. Shopaholic: Hey Edward, what's gotten into you? You're being all quiet and emo and stuff. Knock it off!

EMOtion: Yea, being emo is my job! SO STOP IT, PUNK!

The Lion King: O, I was just thinking of the first time I met Bella.

Better Than You: You met her at school. In a boring subject. Why would you wanna think about that?

The Lion King: Because I love her Rosalie. And besides, I'm thinking of before that. I met her at a local gas station!

Lamb of God: O yea, I remember! I was sitting there, all lonely and stuff, and then you came up to me...

The Lion King: Yea, thats the time! I had a pack of M&M's and a Mountain Dew at the time!

EMOtion: Very interesting. Was it a good Mountain Dew?

The Lion King: Um, Jasper, I couldn't have drank it. I'm a vampire, remember?

EMOtion: Answer my question. Was it?

The Lion King: Yes, it was very good. And it made me feel all hyper and stuff, too.

Lamb of God: You were getting so hyper that I had to take away the Mountain Dew and drink it all myself! But then you chased me yelling 'Give me back my dang Mountain Dew!'

The Lion King: It was so good, though! I HAD to have it back...

Lamb of God: Then I felt bad and gave you back the M&M's I stole from you. You didn't even know I took them!

The Lion King: ...Heh heh...

Better Than You: That was a very interesting story. You should be so proud of yourselves.

The Lion King and Lamb of God: We are!

End of Chapter XVI

Author's Note: Yea, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Our computer blew up and I couldn't use it for a long time. Then when we finally got it back, I couldn't get on fanfiction. So in order for you to read this chapter, I had to email it to Monkey Fighter Ninja (for those of you that don't know, he's my uncle. He has a story called The Frivolous Saga if you wanna check it out) and get him to post it. O yea, and it might be a while before my next update. So yea... Just letting you know in advance!

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	17. The Game

Twilight on Windows Live!

Chapter XVII: The Game

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. I also don't any of the songs or bands mentioned in here.**

**Carlisle: Doctor Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

_Teddy Weddy, EMOtion, Mrs. Shopaholic, Lamb of God, and Better Than You have all signed on_

Lamb of God: Hey guys. Where's Edward?

EMOtion: Him, Esme, and Carlisle all went hunting. In the rain. I for one don't know why they got out in the rain, but they did.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Good, because I'm bored and I have a game to play. I don't want them to ruin it.

Teddy Weddy: COOL, A GAME! What game?

Mrs. Shopaholic: Okay, it doesn't have a specific name. One person will write down lyrics, and then someone else will guess what song they're from. The person who guesses the most correct songs wins.

Lamb of God: Sounds fun. Who goes first?

Teddy Weddy: OOO, LET ME GO! LET ME GO! PICK ME! PICK ME!

Better Than You: -sighs- You guys better pick Emmet, or he'll have a cow.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Okay Emmet, I'll regret this, but... you can go first.

Teddy Weddy: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...Ahem. _Imma barbie girl innnnn a barbie world...._

Everyone: SHUT UP EMMET!

Teddy Weddy: Fine then, be that way. Humph. -pouts-

Lamb of God: I'll go next. _ 'All the small things. True care truth brings. I'll take one lift. Your ride, best trip. Always, I know, you'll be in my show. Watching, waiting, commiserating.'_

Teddy Weddy: Um... I don't know. :(

Better Than You: Yea, neither do I. That's sad.

EMOtion: All the Small Things by Blink-182.

Lamb of God: ...I thought that was a hard one. But you got it, Jasper.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Alright. Now, Jasper, it's your turn.

EMOtion: Alright, I don't know much good songs, but I'll try to think of something hard. ... _I try to make it through my life. In my way, there's you. I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do. Just don't deny it, don't try to fight this, and deal with it. That's just part of it. If you were dead or still alive, I don't care. I don't care. Just go and leave this all behind 'cause I swear I don't care._

Better Than You: That's a very pleasant song, isn't it.

EMOtion: Actually, to me it IS.

Mrs. Shopaholic: That's Jasper for you. And by the way, I don't know.

Lamb of God: Yea, I don't know either.

Teddy Weddy: I Don't Care by Apocalyptica ft. Adam Gontier

EMOtion: ......How did you know that?

Teddy Weddy: .....

Mrs. Shopaholic: You looked it up on Google, didn't you?

Teddy Weddy: Maybe.... YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

Mrs. Shopaholic: Bring it... foo...

Teddy Weddy: ...No. By the way, isn't it my turn?

Mrs. Shopaholic: No, you cheated. We'll let Rosalie go now.

Better Than You: Fine. I'll join in your pathetic little game. _I look at you, then you, me. Hungry and thirsty are we. Holding the lion's share. Holding the key. Holding me back 'cause I'm striving to be better than you..._

Lamb of God: O my gosh, Rosalie, you are SOOOO obvious! Better Than You by Metallica.

Everyone: -looks at Bella in shock-

Lamb of God: What? Can't a girl listen to Metallica?

Mrs. Shopaholic: ... Since I'm the only one that hasn't went yet, I'll go. _F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E D I T, RE to the PORT to the DOT to the COM, come on everybody grab your bike and sing along!_

Everyone: _F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E D I T, RE to the PORT to the DOT to the COM, come on everybody grab your bike and sing along! _

Teddy Weddy: That is the BEST. SONG. EVER!

Mrs. Shopaholic: Well, I have another awesome one! _Coffee Toffee. Twisted Frosty! C'mon! Coffee toffee twisted frosty!_

Lamb of God: -in tears- That. was. beautiful. WAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_The Lion King signed on_

The Lion King: Hey guys. What's up?

Better Than You: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME IN!!!!!!!

EMOtion: YEA, YOU RUINED IT ALL!!!!!

Mrs. Shopaholic: Come on guys, lets go.

_Teddy Weddy, EMOtion, Mrs. Shopaholic, Lamb of God, and Better Than You have all signed off_

The Lion King: What did I do? Do I smell bad or something?

_The Lion Kinged has signed out_

**A/N: Alright, hope you enjoyed the 17th chapter of Twilight on Windows Live!. By the way, I have a question for you guys. I have a story called Nightmares and Reality (previously known as Let You Down). Should I continue it or give it to someone or just quit completely? Tell me in a review. Alrighty then, that's all.**


	18. Jasper's Schizophrenia

Twilight on Windows Live!

Chapter XVIII: Jasper's Schizophrenia

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, Stephanie Meyer does.**

**Carlisle: Dr. Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

_EMOtion has signed on_

EMOtion: Hello? Anyone here?

EMOtion: I am.

EMOtion: Cool. I can talk to myself. /sarcasm/

EMOtion: Don't you like talking to me?

EMOtion: ...I don't know how to respond to that.

EMOtion: You don't like me, do you?!?!?! I FEEL UNLOVED!!!!

EMOtion: Hey, have you took your medication today?

EMOtion: No...But I may have had a few Smarties....

EMOtion: How many?

EMOtion: Somewhere around 56 or 89 packs.

EMOtion: ...?! Are you mentally insane?

EMOtion: Why do you care? Who are you? You work for the turtles, don't you?!?!?! MOMMY HELP ME!!!!!!!

EMOtion: Okay, first I'm schizophrenic, but now I'm also paranoid? Since when?

EMOtion: Hey, I can't help my schizoprenia or paranoia. It's your fault.

EMOtion: How is it my fault?

EMOtion: I don't know, but since it ain't mine it HAS to be yours.

EMOtion: We're the same person.

EMOtion: O yea, I forgot about that part.

EMOtion: ...May I ask if you're alright in the mind?

EMOtion: No.

EMOtion: Fine then, be that way.

EMOtion: I _am _that way.

EMOtion: ....

EMOtion: What?

EMOtion: Um... nevermind.

EMOtion: I'm bored. Are you?

EMOtion: Hello? Same person? You should know.

EMOtion: You do realize you're expecting the half of you that is high on Smarties to answer that?

EMOtion: ...

EMOtion: See? And you think _I'm _the dumb one. Sheesh, you're the dumbest smart person I ever met.

EMOtion: That was an oximoron.

EMOtion: I'm telling mommy you called me an oximoron! How dare you?!?!

EMOtion: An oximoron is... nevermind. You wouldn't understand it anyways.

EMOtion: ...Yea, probably not.

EMOtion: Hey, I need to leave.

EMOtion: But I wanna stay.

EMOtion: Too bad, I'm in charge here, bub.

EMOtion: ONLY THE TURTLES CALL ME BUB! YOU MUST BE A SPY WORKING FOR THEM! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EMOtion: ...I make no comment...

EMOtion: FINE THEN BE THAT WAY! I'M LEAVING BEFORE YOU TRY TO EAT MEEEEEE!!!!!!!

EMOtion: Alrighty then. Bye.

_EMOtion has signed out._

**A/N: Alright, as ya'll know I'm getting closer to 100 reviews. I need help deciding what to do for the next special. So if you have ANY idea of something to do when I get 100 reviews you need to give it to me in a review. (Coincidence? Hmm... I'll let you decide) And I still need to know about what to do with Nightmares and Reality (my other story previously known as Let You Down). Alrighty then, goodbye and review!!!!!!** **:D (PS, if you didn't get the thing about Smarties, we were having a Drug Free Week at school, and they gave us Smarties. This one kid looked at our teacher and said 'It sure was dumb for them to give us Smarties for a no drug thing.' The teacher looked at him funny and said 'Why?'. He was like 'Duh, everyone knows you can crush them up and snort them. Gosh.' I thought it was funny. :P)  
**


	19. Emmet Discovers YouTube

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XIX: Emmet Discovers YouTube**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of it's characters, YouTube, the music video of Heart Shaped Box (by Nirvana) or Charlie the Unicorn.**

**Carlisle: Dr. Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

_Teddy Weddy and EMOtion have signed on_

**Teddy Weddy: **Hey dude. What's up?

**EMOtion: **Eh, nothing much. What about you?

**Teddy Weddy: **I DISCOVERED YOUTUBE!

**EMOtion: **That can't be good.

**Teddy Weddy: **I'm watching the music video to Heart Shaped Box right now.

**EMOtion: **Cool.

**Teddy Weddy: **...OMG THAT DUDE IS WEARING A DIAPER THING!

**EMOtion: **No REAL fan of Nirvana would make fun of Diaper Dude.

**Teddy Weddy: **...Okay?

**EMOtion: **Hey man, Alice needs me to go shopping with her. Talk to you later, dude.

**Teddy Weddy: **Alrighty then, byez!

_EMOtion has signed off_

_The Lion King has signed on_

**The Lion King: **Hey Em. 'Sup?

**Teddy Weddy: **I'm on YouTube!

**The Lion King: **...Do I want to know?

**Teddy Weddy: **...Probably not.

**The Lion King: **Ok.

**Teddy Weddy: **Charlie... Charlie... We're on a bridge, Charliiiiieeee...

**The Lion King: **Um, okay?

**Teddy Weddy: **Dude, you act too much like Charlie. You need to lighten up.

**The Lion King: **...Um, okay, Emmet. Whatever. ...I gotta go. BYE!

**Teddy Weddy: **Alright, byez!!!

_The Lion King has signed off_

_Better Than You has signed on_

**Better Than You: **Hey Emmy Bear! What are you doing?

**Teddy Weddy: **I'm on YouTube!

_Better Than You has signed off_

**Teddy Weddy: **NO CHARLIE! THEY'LL STEAL YOUR KIDNEY! ...Oops, too late. .

_Teddy Weddy has signed off_

**Author's Note: Yea... this chapter was random (and short; sorry bout that) but me and Monkey Fighter Ninja were talking about Nirvana and I mentioned the Heart Shaped Box video and he told me I should have a chapter of this where Emmet makes fun of Diaper Dude (I don't know who it is, I'm sure it isn't Kurt, Krist, or Dave though... Clarification on who it is, please?) so I came up with that and just added Charlie the Unicorn in for the heck of it. :P O yea, I need an idea for my 100th review special. I only have one idea so far. I know you guys can do better than that! So, send me your ideas in a review. :D **


	20. Bella Takes Singing Lessons

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XX: Bella Takes Singing Lessons**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight or any of it's characters. If you think I do after 20 chapters, then you honestly need help.**

**Carlisle: Dr. Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

_Lamb of God, The Lion King, and Mrs. Shopaholic have all signed on_

Lamb of God: Hello everyone. What is up?

The Lion King: Hello, my dearest Bella. Everything is fine. What about you?

Lamb of God: Everything is fine.

Mrs. Shopaholic: ...Why are ya'll acting all proper and stuff? I can understand Edward being like that, being the so-called _perfect _one and everything, but why Bella?

Lamb of God: Because, my dear friend Alice, famous people always talk proper.

Mrs. Shopaholic: But you're not famous.

The Lion King: Well, she's famous to me. She's my gorgeous princess!

Lamb of God: Why, thank you, honey!

The Lion King: Heehee, she called me honey! :D

Lamb of God: ...Anyways, I'm gonna be a famous singer!

_Teddy Weddy has signed on_

Teddy Weddy: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T SING WORTH CRAP!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Teddy Weddy has signed off_

The Lion King: ...That was weird...

Mrs. Shopaholic: Well, it WAS Emmet.

The Lion King: True.

Lamb of God: ANYWAYS... I'm gonna take singing lessons!

The Lion King: That's great honey.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Edward, would you like me to buy earplugs?

The Lion King: YES! I would love that.

Lamb of God: HEY! You guys are so mean! I can sing! Just you wait till I get back from singing lessons!

Mrs. Shopaholic: Alright, later.

The Lion King: See you later, sweety.

_Lamb of God has signed off_

The Lion King: How long will it take till she comes back?

Mrs. Shopaholic: ...About 15 minutes.

The Lion King: ...

Mrs. Shopaholic: ...This is awkward without Bella here...

The Lion King: ...So, what's up with Emmet? He hasn't been making as many insulting jokes and pranks anymore.

Mrs. Shopaholic: I told him that if he did anything that had to do with insulting or pranking anyone I would trap him in Carlisle's office all day inside his least favorite box with a turtle.

The Lion King: Well huh. That explains it.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Yup.

_Lamb of God has signed on_

Lamb of God: -sniffles- Hi guys... -frowns-

The Lion King: What's wrong, honey? Did someone do something horrible to you?

Lamb of God: The guy that was gonna give me lessons fainted after I sung and he banned me from the place! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs. Shopaholic: ...I knew you were bad, but THAT bad? Come on!

Lamb of God: I know! My voice is beautiful! Listen! LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAaaAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Mrs. Shopaholic and The Lion King have signed out due to fainting_

Lamb of God: ...WAH! Off to my little emo corner now! :'( WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Lamb of God has signed off_

**Author's Note: Alright, there's the 20th chapter of Twilight on Windows Live!. It's been a while, I know. But I'm a busy person. The only reason I'm writing this now is because a certain **_**someone**_** -coughnelbyisthemasterofpenguinscough- is taking FOREVER to get to my house and I needed something to do until she got here. So feel lucky, my boredom is everyone elses... um... NONboredom. Yea, let's go with that! Now, I need about 16 reviews! I know it's a big number, but once I get that, I'll be able to do my 100th review special! So, if you have the time, review! :D**

**~AllApologies451994**


	21. Resident Evil Meets Twilight!

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXI: Resident Evil Meets Twilight!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, Resident Evil, any of **_**it's**_** characters, or Mountain Dew.**

**Author's Note: Yea, sorry if this is a little random. Er... a LOT random. I was playing Resident Evil 4 today and I was wondering what Leon would ever do if he met one of the Cullens, I added a few random characters from RE games, and BOOM! This was born. The Resident Evil characters will only appear in this chapter, unless you want them to make special appearances in later chapters, and you will have to review to tell me whether or not to keep them. Again, this is INCREDIBLY random, but that's what you get when you have a loopy girl high on Mountain Dew running on 3 hours of sleep after playing Resident Evil. . (BTW, this is when Bella is a vampire and Renesmee was just born, so she can't really do much yet. She will appear next chapter, along with a few werewolves. Hope that clears things up.)**

**Carlisle: Dr. Vamp**

**Edward: The Lion King**

**Emmet: Teddy Weddy**

**Jasper: EMOtion**

**Alice: Mrs. Shopaholic**

**Bella: Lamb of God**

**Esme: Mother Dearest**

**Rosalie: Better Than You**

**SPECIAL APPEARENCES:**

**Chris Redfield: Buff Bear**

**Leon Kennedy: ZombieSlayerzRule**

**Wesker: Bad Dude**

**Claire Redfield: Concerned Sister**

_The Lion King, Teddy Weddy, EMOtion, Mrs. Shopaholic, Lamb of God, and Better Than You have all signed on_

Mrs. Shopaholic: EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EMOtion: AHHH!!!! Calm down! What's going on?!?!

Lamb of God: Yea, seriously, you broke my eardrums with your squeal!

Teddy Weddy: Well, at least she didn't make us faint...

Lamb of God: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, your highness, but that wasn't my fault.

The Lion King: Yea Emmet, you better back off!

Better Than You: You guys are all children. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go stare at myself for 5 minutes straight without blinking.

_Better Than You has signed off_

EMOtion: ...Well then. Anyways Ali, what's going on?

Mrs. Shopaholic: ThestarsofResidentEvilarecomingtovisitusomgIcan'tbelieveitIcan'twaittomeetLeonandWeskerandChrisandClaireandOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!! (The stars of Resident Evil are coming to visit us OMG I can't believe it I can't wait to meet Leon and Wesker and Chris and Claire OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!)

The Lion King: O MY GOD! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? WHEN WILL THEY BE HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Lamb of God: OMG I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EMOtion: ...No more Mountain Dew for Alice.

Mrs. Shopaholic: Aww....

_Buff Bear, ZombieSlayerzRule, Bad Dude, and Concerned Sister have all signed on_

Teddy Weddy: O MY CRAP IT'S THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buff Bear: OMG IT'S EMMET CULLEN! Dude, I LOVE you!

Teddy Weddy: I love you too! You're my idol!

EMOtion: Hmm...

Mrs. Shopaholic: What is it, Jazzy Poo?

EMOtion: How can I be sure it's them for real?

ZombieSlayerzRule: Well, I was a secret agent who got sent by the government who rescued the presiden'ts daughter, Ashley Graham, and defeated Lord Saddler and Salazar and all the Plagas eggs or whatever in order to save the world.

Lamb of God: Yup. That's Leon.

Concerned Sister: I have nothing important to say about me. I'm just Claire.

ZombieSlayerzRule: Aw, Claire Bear, you know that's not true! I love you!

Concerned Sister: I love you too!

_AllApologies451994 has signed on_

AllApologies451994: HI LEON! YOU DON'T KNOW ME YET BUT I'M GONNA BE YOUR WIFE!

ZombieSlayerzRule: ...Okay.

Concerned Sister: ...But Leon! I thought you loved me!

ZombieSlayerzRule: I'm sorry Claire. The author has spoken. And what she says must be true.

AllApologies451994: Darn right!

_AllApologies451994 has signed off_

Everyone except Leon: ...

EMOtion: ...I shouldn't've asked that question.

Lamb of God: Yea, no der.

Teddy Weddy: ...Hey Chris, you wanna snort Smarties together?

Buff Bear: Heck yea! Let's go, the Smarties won't snort themselves!

_Buff Bear and Teddy Weddy have signed off_

ZombieSlayerzRule: Yea, I better go to. I'm getting married.

Concerned Sister: To the author?

ZombieSlayerzRule: Um, yea, who else? Ada Wong? Pfff...

_ZombieSlayerzRule has signed off_

Mrs. Shopaholic: This isn't what I expected at all... I thought they would be cool.

Bad Dude: But I _am _cool. See? I _was _cool, I _am _cool, and I always _will be_ cool.

The Lion King: ...Can't argue with that.

Mrs. Shopaholic, Lamb of God and EMOtion: Agreed.

_Monkey Fighter Ninja has signed on_

Monkey Fighter Ninja: What? You're all talking about Wesker like he's all that and you won't say anything about _me?_ What's wrong with you? I'm ten times cooler than Wesker ever thought to be!

Bad Dude: O no you di-in't!

Monkey Fighter Ninja: O yes I di-id!

Bad Dude: -gasp-

Monkey Fighter Ninja: Yea, that's right. I'm better than you.

Bad Dude: Nu-uh.

Monkey Fighter Ninja: Uh-huh.

Bad Dude: Nu-uh.

Monkey Fighter Ninja: Uh-huh.

Bad Dude: ...Okay, fine. This isn't over.

Monkey Fighter Ninja: Yes it is, because I'm leaving.

_Monkey Fighter Ninja has signed off_

Concerned Sister: ...WAH!!!!! The love of my life is getting married to the author! I HATE YOU!

_AllApologies451994 has signed on_

AllApologies451994: I know.

_AllApologies451994 has signed off_

Mrs. Shopaholic: Eddie Boy, Jazzy Poo, Belly Welly, I think we should go hunting.

The Lion King: Don't call me that...

Lamb of God: Yea, seriously, I hate that name.

EMOtion: -sighs- Yes, Ali, dear. Let's hunt.

_Mrs. Shopaholic, The Lion King, Lamb of God, and EMOtion have all signed off_

Bad Dude: Yea, I better go, too. I gotta torture your brother and be just plain cool elsewhere. I'll prove that Monkey Fighter Ninja isn't better than me!

Concerned Sister: Yea... I'm all lonely and stuff because the love of my life just left me. I'll go mope a while and then you can kidnap me at around 7, kay?

Bad Dude: Sounds good to me. See you at 7!

_Bad Dude and Concerned Sister have signed off_

**Author's Note: Yea, sorry if it was just plain awful. I made this up at random. And I'm a HUGE Leon fangirl so I HAD to put him in there, along with myself. :P Jimmy was just in there because he's my uncle and he needs to be put in here somewhere. ...And he told me to put him in here. :P Alright, if you have the time, please leave a review. Critism is welcome! As long as you say something, I'll be glad to hear it and make this lame excuse of a fanfiction worth reading! :D**

_**~AllApologies451994**_


	22. PLEASE READ! Important AN

**Author's Note:**

**As you all know, I've finally reached 100 reviews. I'm thinking about having the 1st, 25th, 50th, 75th, and 100th reviewers to be in here special. Everyone will be mentioned, but I'm having the ones I mentioned earlier interview any Twilight character of their choice. So, I need AliceCullen784, feralfairy, feralfairy (wait... that's not fair... how about Sarah the VAMPIRE instead...) Jrssica, and Hoops1996 to send me a PM of which character they want to interview and what to interview them about. (Well, Hoops don't, I can just call her and ask her at school, but still...) If you don't PM me, review, or tell me anything at all I will ask someone else to and I'll put them in in your place. Also, I would like SlightlyGayPirate to send me a PM/tell me who she would like to interview because she will be the beta of the next chapter and also because she's just awesome. **

**I would let everyone that sent a review do this, but that would take forever to do. And you can interview ANYONE. Humans, Cullens, werewolves... it don't matter. Just tell me who you would like to interview and the subject of the whole thing. After I get my answers I'll delete this author's not and put the actual chapter in it's place. Alright, thanks for taking the time to read this, and also thank you for reviewing. Your support is immensely appreciated. (Heh heh, had to pull a Blather's there [Animal Crossing owl])**

**Thank you all, and don't forget to tell me who you wanna interview!**

**~AllApologies451994**


	23. The 100th Review Spectacular!

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXII: The 100th Review Spectacular!**

**A/N: Special thanks to each and everyone that has reviewed, favorited, or put my story on alert, but most of all, thanks to all of my reviewers! If it wasn't for you, I would've never made it this far in my writing career, so I appreciate all your support! (Lol, I had to make a rock star speech, it just sorta fits.) To my reviewers**_**Hoops1996**_**, Mia Stewart, Monkey Fighter Ninja, Sarah The VAMPIRE, **_**SlightlyGayPirate**_**, Mrs. Haley Whitlock, Alicia Vampire101, Rhiannon da crazygirl, danielle, twilightlovestacos96, **_**Jrssica**_**, FabioandRichardForever, SquirellsWillTakeOverTheWorld, wolfgirl.1996, Jane Deighan'edwardcullenrox'x, **_**AliceCullen784**_**, feralfairy, danielovitch, Chelseyy your best fran, ForeverTwilight -Nikki, DarkAngelz200, **_**nelbyisthemasterofpenguins**_**, Dis is my account, Polka-dots-4-infinity, belmo18, Brenda Sprouse, Yuuki-Cullen of the night, Dubbles, mikky546,**_**Hannah**_**(my friend from middle school) and umm hi hi hi hi hi for reviewing and making this possible. I underlined/italicized the reviewers that will be interviewing any character of their choice. You all rock (and have great taste in stories... lol :P)! Please enjoy this 100th review spectacular, and keep in mind that if it wasn't for you it wouldn't exist! (Wow... I can sound so dramatic/lame at times... .)**

One time at band camp... Wait. Wrong opening. ...Um... Once upon a time... Wrong again! Crap!

**(voice in background [who happens to be nelbyisthemasterofpenguins]): Dangit Andrea, you stole my line!**

**Me: Well... Can I use it?**

**Nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: No.**

**Me: But Sheeeeeeelllllllbbbbbbyyyy....**

**Nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: ...Fine, you can use it.**

**Me: Yay!**

...Ahem. As I was saying, one day at the Cullen residence, each Twilight character got together in a line. Due to the awesomest author in the world finally hitting 100 reviews, 6 reviewers got to interview their favorite character!

Sitting in 6 chairs, all in a neat row, were SlightlyGayPirate, Hoops1996, Jrssica, Alice Cullen784, feralfairy, and Sarah The VAMPIRE, over-ecstatic to see their favorite characters. SlightlyGayPirate jumped out of her seat, and ran over to Seth like a rabid fangirl. She started asking Seth a few... personal... questions. This is how the conversation went (PS She nicknamed Seth PackPuppy):

/begin interview/

SlightlyGayPirate: OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!! HI SETH! O MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeEEEeEe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PackPuppy: Uhm.... Hi...?

SGP: Wow. It's, like, such an honor to meet you.... I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN! MARRY ME?!! PLEASE SETH! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY!!! IMPRINT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

PP: Umm....? How about no?

SGP: Hmph. Fine. Well I'll just interview you then.

PP: Go on. I don't have all day...

SGP: Have you ever had a girlfriend?

PP: ...Is this relevant?

SGP: No, not really, I just want to know.

PP: Well too bad, I'm not telling.

SGP: Fine, be that way. Next question. What's your favourite romance movie?

PP: What the heck?! Are these all love related questions?!

SGP: Um... first, that's not a movie, and second... No...?

PP: Next question lady, I ain't got all day to talk to some rabid fangirl.

SGP: ...! How could you talk to your future wife like that?! ...Um... next question... What would you get your girlfriend for her birthday, Christmas or Valentines Day?

PP: I DON'T KNOW OKAY?!?! CAN YOU ASK ME SOME REAL QUESTIONS?!!!!

SGP: WELL WHATS YOUR IDEA OF A REAL QUESTION! THESE ARE THINGS WE ALL WANT TO KNOW!

PP: My idea of a real question is one not involving me telling you things you don't need to know! And I think _you're _the only one who would like to know!

SGP: Nuh uh! These are very important questions that the world needs to know! Right guys?

Everyone: ...No comment...

SGP: .....Ugh! Why can't anyone ever agree with me?! ...Ugh! Fine, I'll ask something different. Would you ever marry Charlie the Unicorn if he asked you?

PP: What the heck kind of question is that? ...You're retarded! You know what? I'm not even gonna answer that!

SGP: ...I thought it was a good question. I thought you would approve of it. But you didn't! YOU'RE A MEANIE!!!!!

PP: ...Whatever. Ask more questions. I'll answer the ones I WANT to answer.

SGP: But... that's no fun. What kind of an interview would that be?

PP: Obviously a better one than this.

SGP: I'm starting to dislike you. Have Nessie and Jake broken up yet?

PP: What the heck?! No, they haven't. Why? What's it to you?

SGP: Well, if I can't have you, I want Jacob!

PP: What if he doesn't want YOU?

SGP: ...Well, I know what the force is. So I can taunt him with that.

PP: Why not use it on me?

SGP: Is little Sethy-kins jealous?

PP: Pfft.... No... You're so annoying, you know that?

SGP: Yes. Yes I do. I also know that you are SO totally jealous that I'd want Jacob more than you.

PP: OMG THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME! I'M LEAVING!

SGP: Fine then, be that way. I'll go find Jacob... –pulls out duct tape-

PP: Good riddance. He needs more girls stalking him...

Jacob: What was that?

PP: Nothing, nothing...

/end interview/

...Well, that was interesting. Up next is AliceCullen784 interviewing Emmet! This is how everything went:

/begin interview/

AliceCullen783: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy Beeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.....

Emmet: ...Hi?

AC784: Hey, you know how everyone calls you a bear?

Emmet: Yea... but Rosalie calls me her little Monkey Man! O yea! Emmet is the man...monkey!

AC784: Okay.... Well, I was wondering if we could talk about bears!

Emmet: Sure... What's your favorite kind?

AC784: Well, I don't know a lot about bears, but my favorites are stuffed, gummy, and sour... Yum... HEY HOST LADY! GOT ANY GUMMY BEARS?!

Me: No.

AC784: Alrighty then.

Emmet: ...So that's it? You don't know anything about bears?

AC784: That's not true! I know that real teddy bears are soft and cuddly and you use them as something to hug when you're afraid, and gummy and sour bears are yummy to eat... :D

Emmet: ...Yep, that's about all I know, too! Wow, we'll make such good friends!

AC784: Yup...

[Hoops1996 pops up out of nowhere and says]: Hey buddy, who do you think you're making friends with?! Emmet is my bestest buddy and cuddly teddy bear! THAT MEANS YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!!!!!!!!

Emmet: O dear God...

AC784: Um, Emmy Bear? Who is that crazy chick and why does she think you're hers?

Hoops1996: I'll tell you who I am! I'm Margaret! And you're talking to my husband there!

AC784: What? My bear buddy is cheating on me?! Dude, I thought we had something special!!!!!!! WAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emmet: No, baby, you don't understand...!

AC784: -flees house-

Emmet: Margaret! What the heck were you talking about?! We're not married- I've never even met you before!

Hoops1996: I know. I just like ruining the hopes of others because I know you're MINE! And, if you don't agree to go out with me, Jasper was always a good friend of mine, and can mess with your emotions for me...

Emmet: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Runs after AC784 screeching the words 'Baby come back! You can blame it all on me!' carrying all the teddy bears, gummy bears, and sour gummy bears he can hold-

/end interview/

...Heh heh, that didn't go quite as expected. Up next, we have Jrssica interviewing Edward! Read onward to see what happens:

/begin interview/

Jrssica: Hi Edward!!!!!

Edward: Hello.

Jrssica: YAY! I get to interview you now!

Edward: Yes. Woo hoo. /sarcasm/

Jrssica: -ignores sarcasm- Okay, um, would you rather go shopping with Alice OR live a day without Bella?

Edward: ...I'd go shopping. A day without my precious Bella would be torture!

Bella: Aww... You're so sweet!

Edward: I know.

Jrssica: AHEM! Okay Edward, would you rather see Hannah Montanna live or jump off a cliff?

Edward: Easy, jump off a cliff. Because through _that _I could live. But if I ever went to a Hannah Montanna concert I would probably end up commiting suicide within the first few seconds of the show. (Sorry all Hannah fans, but I can't stand her and I hope she gets sucked into Resident Evil 4 and gets kidnapped by a bunch of Zealots and Ganados, and have her tortured by Saddler and Salazar, just for good measure. Then, we could have her meet up with Dr. Salvadore... [for those of you who have never played the game, Zealots are Monks, Ganados are sorta like zombies, and Dr. Salvadore is an evil chainsaw man] :D)

Jrssica: ...Alrighty then. ...Um, what if someone told you that snorting Smarties improves your... smartibility skills, would you snort them?

Edward: No. I'm too awesome to take drugs!

Jrssica: ...But it's not drugs. It's candy.

Edward: O, well, then yea!

Jrssica: Alrighty, next question! Who's better; Jonas Brothers or Mitchel Musso?

Edward: ARGH! IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION ALERT! THEY'RE BOTH THE WORST SINGERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jrssica: ...Now I can understand THAT. Alright, what if Leon S. Kennedy and Ashley Graham ever came to your house, what would you do? (Sorry, I had to ask that, I'm watching my daddy play RE4 right now. He's on his third round, and he's on the castle level! The creepy Zealot chanting scares the crap out of me. -shudders-)

Edward: I'd go OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS YOU ARE THE AWESOMEST AWESOMES THAT HAVE EVER AWESOMED!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I'd faint.

Jrssica: ...Um, okay then. ...I gotta get home. They'll be wondering where I am.

Edward: ...Didn't you tell them you'd be here?

Jrssica: I tried to, but then I realized if I told them I was going to a houseful of vampires and werewolves I'd probably get put in an asylum.

Edward: ...True.

Jrssica: Alrighty then, byez!!!!!!!!!

/end interview/

...I think that's the only interview we've had all day without someone being completely destroyed. Well, up next is nelbyisthemasterofpenguins interviewing QUIL!!!!!!!!!!! WOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/begin interview/

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins (from now on I'm going to refer to her as Shelby because I don't wanna type all that out :P): Hi Quil!!! GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

Quil: ...What?

Shelby: Hmm... maybe I should ask you something very important first... Do you or Claire ever wear make up?

Quil: ...I don't, but my little Claire Bear does! She loves the sparkly green eyeshadow.

-Shelby, Hoops1996, and me just start dying laughing-

Quil: What's so funny?

Shelby: Well, -giggle- certain make up -giggle- is made from -giggle- BAT POOP!!! -falls on floor laughing-

Quil: ...Um... did you forget to take your meds this morning?

Shelby: Yes. Yes I did.

Quil: That explains it.

Shelby: Well, if Claire is wearing a certain kind of make up, then that means it was made from bat poop. And if it was green it means the bat was drinking grape soda. And it was sparkly it means he ate a diamond!

Quil: ...I don't get it.

Shelby: -in a matter-fact-tone- Well, I don't know if you know this, but grape pop turns your poop green. And if you eat a diamond (or anything sparkly for that matter) it makes your dookie twinkle!!!!

Quil: ...What is wrong with you?!

-Hoops1996 shows up-

Hoops1996: We have no idea what's wrong with her. When we took her to the doctor yesterday the doctors who were near her just sorta backed away slowly. They said her condition was so bad they wouldn't even tell her what it was and it was illegal in 5 countries (thanks to Hoops1996 for coming up with that phrase :P)

Shelby: OMG SHARPIE!!!! -starts snorting it- Eeeeeeeeee....

Quil: Is she gonna be okay?

Shelby: OMG QUIL!!! I have a question. When do purple cows fly to the moon?

Quil: ...

Hoops1996: Sheesh Shelby, you should know that purple cows only fly to the moon on the fifth Saturday of every 13th month in June. Duh.

Quil: -looks at me- Should I be afraid?

Me: -in my scariest voice- Yes. Yes you should. Be afraid! BE VERRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY AFRAID!!!!!

Quil: -runs away screaming 'MOMMY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'-

/end interview/

...Okay, that was fun. :P Up next is Hoops1996 interviewing Jasper!

Hoops1996: Hey Jasper.

Jasper: Sup?

Hoops1996: Not much.

Jasper: ...Why are you emitting waves of mischief?

Hoops1996: I dunno. Why am I?

Jasper: ...Now why is it love?!

Hoops1996: Because I luuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper: ...Hate?

Hoops1996: -carries axe- I HATE YOU YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper: ...? PMS much?

Hoops1996: NO!!!! I'm just bi-polar. (She's not really bi-polar, I just thought it would be funny for this)

Jasper: ...WHY ARE YOU FEELING MISCHEVIOUS AGAIN?!?!?!?!

Hoops1996: Because, before you got here, I kidnapped Alice and tortured her by making her wear last season's fashions and I made Andrea put make up on her.

Jasper: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY WIFE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hoops1996: Because it was funny, that's why.

Jasper: ...I hate you.

Hoops1996: Look, you don't scare me. I already have 3 enemies, and all of them want to push me down the stairs.

Jasper: ...What are you on?

Hoops1996: Um, let's see... Smarties, Sweet Tarts, Fun Dip, Candy Cane powder, and this bag of white stuff that Shelby plopped on my lap.

Jasper: What was that stuff?!

Hoops1996: I'm not sure, but it was probably... -passes out-

Jasper: ...That can't be good.

/end interview/

And finally, the last interview of the night (or day, depending on which timezone you're in), Hannah interviewing Rosalie!

Hannah: Hi.

Rosalie: Ugh, this better be pretty crapping important, I was in the middle of a manicure! -pulls out nail filer-

Hannah: Um... Actually, I wanted to talk about fashion.

Rosalie: O! Well, why didn't you say anything earlier?

Hannah: ...Um, so what are the fashions right now?

Rosalie: American Eagle, Aeropostale, Abercrombie...

Hannah: What about Abbey Dawn?

Rosalie: EW NO!!!! That's the ugliest clothesline ever! (No offense to anybody who likes it, it's also my personal favorite brand of clothes, but still, Rosalie would never agree...)

Hannah: Alrighty then. What's the best color of nail polish there is?

Rosalie: ...Nail polish isn't good. Just file your nails and that should be good enough. If you actually wash your hands, they shouldn't need nail polish.

Hannah: Alrighty then.

Hoops1996: OMG THIS IS THE BORINGEST CRAP I'VE EVER READ!!!

Shelby: YEA! YOU STINK!!!!!!!

Me: ...

Hannah: Um... What?

Rosalie: How dare you interrupt my fashion expertise!

Me: ...This is the stupidest interview ever.

Rosalie: How dare you?!

Shelby: Bring it, foo!!!

Rosalie: -gets in cat fight with Shelby-

Shelby -wins-

Rosalie: I HATE YOU ALL! GO DIE IN A FIRE OR SOMETHING!!!!

/end interview/

Alrighty then, that's all for today. See you next time!

**A/N: Review?**

**~AllApologies451994**


	24. Emmet's Adventure! Part I

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXIV: Emmet's Adventure!**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**(Note: Names have changed. Also, Jacob and Renesmee have been included)**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of it's characters, Smarties, Mountain Dew, Fun Dip, Charlie the Unicorn, YouTube, or that guy in the Heart Shaped Box music video (I don't know his name, but he's the guy in the main beginning running through the field of flowers and he looks like he's wearing a diaper. If anyone knows who that is, please tell me.)**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmet: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mindworm, Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, Just Normal, and Puppy Lover have all signed on_

Mr. Monkey Man: Hey guys! What's up?

Mindworm: Not much. What about you guys?

Just Normal: O, nothing. Just sitting here talking to you.

The War Master: Yea, pretty much the same. But I'm listening to Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana.

Mr. Monkey Man: OMG I LOVE THAT SONG!!! IT'S JUST AWESOME!!!

The War Master: If you think it's so awesome why did you make fun of Diaper Dude (I don't know his name, and that's the nickname Monkey Fighter Ninja gave him, so that's what I call him until I actually know his real name.) a few chapters ago?

Puppy Lover: What do you mean, a few chapters ago? You mean a few days ago?

The War Master: No, I mean a few chapters ago. Somewhere in the United States, there is a girl that goes by the name of AllApologies451994 who controls our lives and posts them on a website called .

Puppy Lover: ...Mommy? Jasper is scaring me!!!

Just Normal: Everything's alright. Jasper is just lying. _Right, Jasper?_

The War Master: ..Um...Yup...?

Mr. Monkey Man: HEY GUYS! I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO TODAY!!!

Mindworm: What is it, Phineas? (reference to Phineas and Ferb, a Disney show. Yes, I still watch Disney. Is there a problem with that? ...I think not.)

Puppy Lover: OMG I love that show! I watch Phineas and Ferb every day! Ferb is my hero!

Just Normal: ...I know I probably shouldn't ask this, but what _are_ you gonna do, Emmet?

Mr. Monkey Man: I'm gonna go on an _adventure! _I'm going on an _adventure, _Charlieee!!!

Puppy Lover: ...Mommy, he's scaring me! MAKE HIM STOP!!!

Just Normal: -sighs- Come on honey, it's time for bed.

Puppy Lover: But it's only 4:30.

Just Normal: Do you want to get away from Emmet or not?

Puppy Lover: ...GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!!!

_Just Normal and Puppy Lover have signed off_

Mindworm: I think I'll go too. Later.

_Mindworm has signed off_

The War Master: ...Okay, now that you're done pretending to be someone on Charlie the Unicorn, go on your stupid adventure already.

Mr. Monkey Man: Okay then! I need Fun Dip, Smarties, Mountain Dew, a diaper, and internet access!

The War Master: ...I don't even wanna know. Well, later.

Mr. Monkey Man: BYEZ!!!

_The War Master has signed off_

**To Be Continued...**

**Author's Note: Aw, come ON, guys! No reviews at all for the last chapter? I even got a beta to fix it and everything! Well, that's why this one is 'to be continued'. I really hate to sink down to this, but I want at **_**least **_**3 reviews before I post part two to this. It's not really a big number, and I didn't wanna get too unrealistic, so lets leave it at 3. I hope you don't mind this, it's just that I'm discouraged about last chapters whopping **_**0 **_**reviews. So please, just write anything. I don't care if you write 'LOL YOU ARE EPIC FAIL HAHAHAHA' or 'OMG I LOVE YOUR AWESOMENESS STORIES!' or even the letter Q five times in a row. Just leave something. Alrighty, that's all for now.**

**~Andrea (AllApologies451994)**


	25. Emmet's Adventure! Part II

**Twilight on Window's Live!**

**Chapter XXV: Emmet's Adventure! Part II**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of it's characters, Smarties, Mountain Dew, Fun Dip, Charlie the Unicorn, YouTube, or that guy in the Heart Shaped Box music video (I don't know his name, but he's the guy in the main beginning running through the field of flowers and he looks like he's wearing a diaper. If anyone knows who that is, please tell me. (PS I am NOT making fun of Nirvana at ALL. They are my personal favorite band of all time and I would NEVER do anything to insult them. Kurt's my hero :D So don't take this wrong, I just thought it would be funny. Thank you.)**

Okay. It was finally time. Emmet stood outside wearing his... special... uniform (which was a diaper), with his head held high and a triumphant pose on his face. Jasper and Edward tried to stop him, but all he said was "But I'm going to Candy Mountaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn! It's a land of sweets... and joy... and joyness...!" And he was on his way.

As he was re-enacting the 'Charlie the Unicorn' video, he met three (not two, but _three_) unicorns. A pink one (which was me), the blue one (Hoops1996, but I'll refer to her as Margaret), and a teal one (nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, but I'll refer to her as Shelby. She requested to be teal.)

"Come on Emmet! We're going to Candy Mountain!" Margaret said. "OMG you're going, too!? This is going to be sooooooooo fun!!!" shouted Emmet with excitement. "Yeaaaaa! We're going to Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets... and joy... and joyness!!!" I shouted. Margaret started jumping on top of Emmet. Shelby just watched, laughed, and burped.

Emmet walked for a while with me and my friends, and then we saw the leoplurodon (let's make him one of my best friends, who's name is Cody.) Shelby popped up and said "Look Emmet! It's a leoplurodon!" "Yea! It's a maaaaaaaaaaaaagical leoplurodon, Emmet!" said Margaret. Cody the leoplurodon yelled "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This time I popped up and said "Loooooooook! It's telling us the way! Let's go to Candy Mountain!!!"

By now, Emmet was tired and made us sit down for a while. He pulled out his Mountain Dew, Fun Dip, and Smarties. As he was snorting the Smarties and getting drunk on Mountain Dew, Shelby came out of nowhere (literally; she left and just randomly fell out of the sky) and snorted all the Fun Dip before Emmet, Margaret or I could get anything. Needless to say, she was having the time of her life. Here are a few of the phrases she randomly blurted out:

"OMG THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Let's go again, Mr. Turtle!!!!"

"Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you!" (PS this is a Kurt Cobain quote)

"I'M A BARBIE GIRL IN A BARBIE WORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC! IT'S FANTASTIC!"

"OMG SHARPIE!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

And a bunch of other senseless junk like that.

Well, we finally got there, and all the letters that spelled Candy Mountain just popped out of the sky somehow. Since the only letter that sings is Y, I'll just give him a name, He can be my friend Chris. So Chris just randomly started singing about Candy Mountain. After he got done, Emmet walked in.

"Goodbye Emmet!" we all three shouted. "What are you talking about? Why are you saying goodbye?" Then, the door shut and he was trapped in Candy Mountain. He felt like he was getting beat up, and he passed out. When he woke up, he was not inside the mountain anymore, but was lying on the ground with a scar on his side. His last words were "OMG THEY TOOK MY CRAPPING KIDNEY!!!"

Then he woke up.

**The End**

**Author's Note: THANK YOU FOR REVIEWS!!! IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! You've made me the happiest happy that has ever happied! Lol you can thank Margaret for coming up with that line. So leave a review and I'll be even more happy than I am now. Now, why are you still reading this? You should be posting a review! :D**

**~AllApologies451994**


	26. Emmet Babysits Renesmee

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXVI: Emmet Babysits Renesmee**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Author's Note!!!!!**

**To those of you who actually read this thing, I'm incredibly sorry. I've been going through some tough times, and just now got the spirit to write. I'm really sorry about that. Other than that, I've had a HUGE case of writer's block and crappy internet :( So I'm sorry for not updating in so long. I hope the one or two of you left that is still reading this forgives me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. If I did, I'd have tons of rabid fangirls worshipping me everyday for bringing Edward to this world. Sadly, I do not have that. (And I don't get what's so great about Edward, everyone knows Emmet and Jasper are the best....)**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmet: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mindworm, Mr. Monkey Man, Fluffy Dawg, Just Normal, and Puppy Lover all signed on_

Fluffy Dawg: Howdy y'all! What's up?

Just Normal: ...."Howdy y'all?" Seriously?

Puppy Lover: Come on, Jake! I told you to stop borrowing Jasper's country CD's!

Fluffy Dawg: Actually, they weren't Jasper's. He listens to that metal and grunge stuff. And I don't like that stuff (Well, Jake might not, but I love metal and grunge. :D)

Mindworm: ....Then why are you speaking like an idiot?

Fluffy Dawg: I found these really weird DVD's on the side of the road....

Mr. Monkey Man: I think they might've been either by Jeff Foxworthy or Larry the Cable Guy.

Puppy Lover: ....Why did you have to imprint on _me?_

Mindworm: Because he's a freak.

Fluffy Dawg: Well that was nice.

Mr. Monkey Man: I get that 41,869,145,618,546,856,125 times a day!

Everyone else: *looks at Emmet really funny*

Mr. Monkey Man: ..........What'd I do this time?

_Mother Goose signed in_

Mother Goose: Hey kids, Carlisle and I are going to go hunt. Do you guys wanna come with us?

Mindworm: Sure, I'm sorta hungry.

Just Normal: Yea, I think I'll go with you.

Mr. Monkey Man: I went this morning, so I'm good.

Puppy Lover: Yea, I went with Emmet this morning and killed a HUGE Mountain Lion!

Mindworm: That's my girl :D

Fluffy Dawg: Well, I'm not, because I'm not a parasite like you guys. I'm out.

Mother Goose: Well kids, I guess we better head on out.... Emmet, can I trust you to watch Renesmee?

Mindworm: NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Can't we let Jasper or Rosalie or Alice babysit!?

Mother Goose: I'm afraid not. They're coming with us also.

Mr. Monkey Man: *hides his stash of Smarties, Fun Dip, Mountain Dew, or any other thing that make him look like he was a bad influence* Yea buddy! You guys can trust me at all costs! :D

Mother Goose: ....Well, I don't believe you, but you're not worth any of my time to argue with. Just.... don't burn the house down or anything like that, okay? Bye.

_Mindworm, Just Normal, Mother Goose, and Fluffy Dawg have all signed off_

Mr. Monkey Man: ....So.... How's it going?

Puppy Lover: ....Good, I guess....

Mr. Monkey Man: ....Interesting.

Puppy Lover: ...............This is sorta boring.

Mr. Monkey Man: I know. ....Wanna go play video games?

Puppy Lover: Heck yea!!!!

*20 minutes later*

Mr. Monkey Man: ....I hate you.

Puppy Lover: Why? Because I kicked your rump on Guitar Hero?

Mr. Monkey Man: I can't help it! I'm a little rusty!

Puppy Lover: ....I picked Slow Ride by Foghat. The easiest song on the game.

Mr. Monkey Man: ....Shut up.

Puppy Lover: *starts dying laughing* I'd LOVE to see you try to do Through the Fire and Flames! :P

Mr. Monkey Man: Why can't you just leave me alone for.....

_Mr. Monkey Man and Puppy Lover signed out_

_Mr. Monkey Man and Puppy Lover signed back in_

Puppy Lover: What the heck just happened!?

Mr. Monkey Man: It got all dark and scary.

Puppy Lover: No crap, Sherlock. I mean _why_ did it get dark and scary?

Mr. Monkey Man: O. That. I don't know.

Puppy Lover: I'd say the electric went out, but I don't know why. It's perfectly nice outside.... Hey Emmet, go check on everything!

Mr. Monkey Man: No.

Puppy Lover: Why!?

Mr. Monkey Man: It's dark out there.

Puppy Lover: ............

_Outside, you can hear various crashing noises and someone whisper/chanting "Die.....die.....die......"_

Mr. Monkey Lover: O MY GOD!!!!!! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!?!?!?

Puppy Lover: MOMMY! HELP ME!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :'(

Mr. Monkey Lover: ....I think I need my mommy and a diaper change.

Puppy Lover: *looks at Emmet really funny*

Mr. Monkey Lover: Wow. That's the 17th funny look I recieved today!

Puppy Lover: ....You're a freak.

_Hissing comes out of nowhere. The lights flicker on and off, but no one is by the electrical switch. They're really starting to get freaked out. The lights go out for a long time, before suddenly....._

Mr. Monkey Man: OMGW THERE IS A CRAPPING TURTLE ON MY CRAPPING HEAD!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!! (Get it off Get it off Get it off Get it off Get it off Get it off!!!!!) [By the way, OMGW stands for O My Gerard Way. If you don't know who he is, he's the lead singer of My Chemical Romance. I'm actually dressing up as him tomorrow for Halloween :D]

_Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme all pop out of nowhere wearing a sheet over their heads to look like ghosts (and very cheesy looking ones at that)_

Renesmee: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the best prank we've pulled on Emmet in a long time!

Edward: I know! That was awesome!

Jasper: I just loved the look on his face when he saw the turtle!

Bella: I loved it when he said "I think I need my mommy and a diaper change"! That was sooooooooo fail!

Emmet: What? Huh?

Carlisle: *through fits of laughter* It was.... a joke.... Emmet! That was.... hilarious!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Esme: Sorry dear. It couldn't've been helped. We just HAD to!

Emmet: But why?

Alice: Because you're easily pranked. And it's Halloween! Duh!

Emmet: O. I really hate you guys!

Everyone else: We know, Emmet. We know....

**Author's Note: So there you have it! The long awaited 26th chapter of Twilight on Windows Live! I really hope you guys enjoyed it. I made it a little bit longer than usual to make up for my lack of writing. Don't forget to review!!! And one last thing: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**~AllApologies451994**


	27. Random Conversations

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXVII: Random Conversations**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. End of story.**

**Author's Note: Thank you guys so much for reviewing! I feel all special and stuff now. So special, I'm updating sooner than usual. I may even type up another chapter and post later. O yea, and before I forget, I mention the pope in this. So, if you are Catholic, or have papaphobia (which is a fear of the pope; I learned that from The Ultimate Book of Useless Information) either A) don't read or B) don't flame me for offending you, because I warned you right here before the chapter even starts. Okay, you guys can carry on now.**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmet: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mindworm, Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, Just Normal, and Beautifully Blonde have all signed on_

Mindworm: Hi.

Mr. Monkey Man: Hello.

The War Master: Sup?

Just Normal: ....Why are you guys just using one word greetings? Those are like, soooo 5 min. 39 seconds ago.

Beautifully Blonde: It's untelling with those idiots.

Mr. Monkey Man: Baby, how could you call me an idiot?

Beautifully Blonde: ....Cause you are one.

Mr. Monkey Man: O. That makes sense.

Mindworm: ....You're just going to take that?

Mr. Monkey Man: Sure.... Hey! Your hair looks nice today!

Mindworm: Why, thank you, I actually bought a new kind of shampoo....

Just Normal: Honey, I wouldn't respond to that. I think Emmet's high right now.

The War Master: Hey Emmet, what have you been....

Mr. Monkey Man: Don't ask me what I'm on, cause I don't even know.

Beautifully Blonde: ....Honey, can I speak to you for a second?

Mr. Monkey Man: ...Is this about that mirror I broke...?

Beautifully Blonde: YOU BROKE MIRRORY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Mr. Monkey Man: I can explain....

Beautifully Blonde: THAT'S IT! COME WITH ME!!!!!!!!!

_Beautifully Blonde and Mr. Monkey Man have signed off_

Just Normal: ...Well, that can't be good at all.

The War Master: Nope.

_Various crashing noises and Rosalie screaming is heard in the background_

Mindworm: ...........

Just Normal: .............

The War Master: .............You guys wanna go get a smoothie?

Just Normal and Mindworm: Sure...........

*15 minutes pass*

Mindworm: Burp.

Just Normal: Hey................... Didn't Alice sign in just a while ago?

The War Master: Yea.... Hey Honey, are you there?

Mindworm: Alice? You there?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: No. I died. You have to put me in a box and sell me on eBay now. (If you don't get this, don't worry. Hardly anyone does. It's an inside joke between me and my friend Shelby. People are dumb enough to sell empty boxes on eBay claiming there are ghosts inside them, for more than 10,000 dollars. That's what this is about.)

Just Normal: NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna sell you on eBay!!!!! What if the pope buys you and we never know it? What will we do then?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: *ponders this* I'll come back to life and eat the pope. Then I'll die again and get sold to a different owner.

Mindworm: But what if you get sold to the NEW pope!? You'll have to die a third time!!!!!

The War Master: I will NOT let you do this!!! You are NOT being sold to a random pope just to come back to life, eat them, and die again!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ......You guys do realize I was only joking, right?

Just Normal: ......Yes.

Mindworm: ....I make no comment.

The War Master: ....Of course we did, Sugar.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: *has a random vision* OMG!!!!!!!! Bella!!!!!!! You have only three days..................

Just Normal: *starts freaking out* Three days for what?

Mindworm: I think she means three days before you die a horrible, tragic death.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: .....No, I meant three days before you get a new pet hamster.

The War Master: .......Why the heck would she want a pet hamster?

Mindworm: Um....

Just Normal: What are you guys talking about? I already have a pet. His name is Rocky, and he's the best pet rock in the world.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Well... We have a funny story....

Mindworm: Well, you see.... Rocky died last night

The War Master: We didn't want to see you heart broken, so we never told you.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: I'm so sorry.

Just Normal: NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ROCKY!!!!!!!! I LOVED HIM TO DEATH!!!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE SO YOUNG!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Mindworm: Look, we bought you a new rock! His name is Bob!

Just Normal: YAY!!! NEW ROCK BUDDY!!! :D

The War Master: ...Since you have Bob, can I have your hamster?

Just Normal: Sure.....

The War Master: YAYZ AND STUFF!!!!!!!! I have a new hamster now!!! I'm gonna love it, and feed it, and play with it, and everything!!!! And I shall name it Gerard!!!!!!!

Mindworm: ....Why Gerard?

The War Master: Because Gerard Way is the best lead singer in the history of ever!!! Right next to Kurt Cobain! They may even be tied. And he writes good comics, too. (I didn't know he even wrote comic books until the other day, but apparently they're called the Umbrella Academy. I've read the first one yesterday, and I'll probably read the second one either today or tomorrow.)

Just Normal: Yup. He sure does.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: How did you NOT know that, Edward? What are you, some idiot?

Mindworm: ......

Just Normal: You mean I'm married to an idiot? NOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!

The War Master: Wow, you've cried out NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!!!!! a lot today.

Just Normal: I know. I think it might be that medicine I'm taking....

Mindworm: You have medication that I didn't know about!?

Just Normal: Well, Emmet gave it to me yesterday!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ...Emmet, huh? What did it look like?

Just Normal: Well, they were small, round, multicolored, and he said to crush them up and inhale them. He said they would make me smart.

The War Master: Did he say they would make you smart or they were Smarties?

Just Normal: I can't remember, but it's time for my dosage right now! *snorts some Smarties*

Mindworm: Uh oh. That can't be good.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: She should pass out in....

Just Normal: *passes out*

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Right now, apparently!!!!

Mindworm: SOMEBODY GET CARLISLE!!!!!!!!!

Just Normal: *wakes back up* No, I'm fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine....... Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The War Master: O NO!!!! SHE'S HIGH!!!!!!!!!!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: This can't be that good

_Emmet can be heard in the background having a laughing fit. Suddenly, you hear the sound of a pan breaking and all laughter haults. Rosalie slapped Emmet upside the head with a frying pan._

The War Master: ...Okay, Bella's high, Emmet is passed out, and Rosalie is in a sort of psycho rage. I think we should go now.

Just Normal: Lalalalalalala.... The ceiling is falling and we're all going to die..... I think I need a cupcake.

Mindworm: Good plan, Jazz. Let's go to the mall!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: WOOT! THE MALL!! YAYZ!!!!

The War Master: Let's go! NOW!!

_Mindworm, The War Master, and Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick have all signed off_

Just Normal: Hey guys! I can hear the bugs!! ...What's that? You did what? For how many cookies? Shamey shamey shame....

_Just Normal has signed off_

**Author's Note: Thank you guys so much for the reviews for the last chapter! Can you please show me some love for this one, too? Just press that little green button at the bottom. Please? For me? :D**


	28. I Don't Even Know

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXVIII: I Don't Even Know**

**Written By: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight or any of its characters. If I did, do you honestly think I would waste my time writing random crap and posting it on the internet? I think not. I also don't own Mountain Dew, Snickers, or the song I mention at the end.**

**Author's Note: This goes with the song I mention somewhere in this. Emmet bursts out into random song here after while. I'm holding a challenge. If anyone here can guess what song it is, I'll let you decide what to do for the next chapter and even let you name it. I'm just that nice. Send your answer in a PM or review, along with what your idea is and what you want to name the next chapter. And if multiple people guess the same answer, I'll go with whoever answered it correctly first. Thank you, that is all :D**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmet: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, Just Normal, and Puppy Lover have all signed on_

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Heyheyheyhey!!!!!!!! What's up!?

The War Master: Honey, what did we discuss a while ago?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: I dunno, something about bacon?

Mr. Monkey Man: OOOO!!!! We have bacon!? I want some!!! Gimme gimme gimme gimme!!!!!!!

Puppy Lover: *coughcoughcoughlosercoughcough* (Cough cough cough loser cough cough)

Just Normal: Now honey, what have I told you about insulting people?

Puppy Lover: Only behind their back?

Just Normal: Yes!

The War Master: *looks at Bella funny*

Just Normal: I mean.... No! Insulting people is bad! No no!

Puppy Lover: But you said....

Just Normal: Crap on what I said! Just go and make out with Jake or something!

Puppy Lover: Alrighty then.

_Puppy Lover has signed off_

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ...That's not good parenting.

Just Normal: At least I don't randomly get high and FORCE people into being a Barbie!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: O no you just di-in't!!

Just Normal: O yes I just di-id!!!

The War Master: _Anyways, _what we discussed earlier was not about bacon. It was not to drink Mountain Dew. You know what that stuff does to you!!!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee................ LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!

Just Normal: ....We _are_ dead people.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ....It all makes sense now!!!!!

Mr. Monkey Man: Crap on if we're dead or not, I just want my bacon.

The War Master: You do realize you're a vampire and can't eat. Or poop.

Just Normal: Why did you add that last part about poop in there?

The War Master: I don't know. I just felt like it.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Yup. Nice logic.

The War Master: Thank you :D

Just Normal: ...............

Mr. Monkey Man: You know what?

The War Master: What?

Mr. Monkey Man: I'm bored.

Just Normal: Yup. That's some nice information.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Yea, we might've died if we didn't know that you were bored. You just saved our cold, dead, nonexisting lives.

The War Master: *snickers*

Mr. Monkey Man: Wow!!!! I compliment, I saved a life, and now I get some Snickers!!!!!!! Today is just my day!!!!!!!

Just Normal: Emmet, I'm pretty sure that.....

Mr. Monkey Man: Now, now, little one. Don't go critisizing me because I'm having a good day and I don't want it to be ruined.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Leedle leedle leedle....

Just Normal: Why are you quoting Spongebob?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Because I felt like it, crappit!!!

The War Master: Wow. Perfect logic.

Mr. Monkey Man: Burn it on Just like a match you slide to incinerate The lives Of everyone you knew. And what's the worst you take From every heart you break And I can't make you stay So I'll be holding on Tonight.....

The War Master: What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay. So long, and goodnight. So long, and goodnight....

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick and Just Normal: ..............

Mr. Monkey Man: What? Can a guy burst out into random song without being looked at funny?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Nope.

The War Master: Well fine, be that way.

Just Normal: We _are _that way.

Mr. Monkey Man: ....Dude, you just got PWNED!! By a girl!!!!!

The War Master: Nobody appreciates me. I think I'm going to go to my little corner now and write some crap.

Just Normal: And take care of your hamster.

The War Master: He has a name!!!!! It's Gerard!!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: O well, it's all the same. It's just a hamster!

The War Master: He may be just a hamster to you, but to me he's the only person who appreciates me.

Just Normal: ...Can't we just forget about the hamster....

The War Master: HIS NAME IS GERARD!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Normal: Well I never!!

_Just Normal has signed off_

Mr. Monkey Man: .......

The War Master: That's it, I'm leaving! Humph!

_The War Master has signed off_

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: .....

Mr. Monkey Man: Well, this is awkward.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ....Wanna go play Resident Evil 5?

Mr. Monkey Man: You're on!!!

_Mr. Monkey Man and Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick have signed off_

**Author's Note: So yup. There's your 28th chapter of Twilight on Windows Live! I hope you liked it. I'm really tired right now and I stayed up wayyyyy past my bedtime writing this. So, if you don't care, leave a review, and guess the name of the song I mentioned earlier in the thing. I'll even italicize it so you will know what the lyrics are. So yup. Thank you for your time. And don't forget to remember to review!!!!**


	29. The Cullens VS The JoBros!

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXIX: The Cullens VS. The Jo-Bros**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilght or the Jonas Brothers. I'm SUPER glad I can say I don't own the Jonas Brothers, because I think they're crap. But o well.**

**Author's Note: Congratulations to the winner, SlightlyGayPirate. She guessed the song correctly, which was Helena by My Chemical Romance. Thanks to that video, every time I hear that song I wanna get up and act like a ballerina :P And thank you, SGP, for making me write about the Jonas Brothers. I really hate you for that. I just wanted to make sure you knew. But anyways, I'm just wasting time. Continue to read onwards, please. :D**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmet: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

**SPECIAL GUESTS!!!**

**Nick: Nick**

**Kevin: Kevin**

**Joe: Joe (Aren't I so creative? lol)**

**SGP: Nick's Stalker (You asked for it, SGP. That's what you get lol)**

_Mindworm, Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, and Just Normal have signed on_

Just Normal: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE TOURING IN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEP!!!!! *passes out, only to come back to life*

Mindworm: Wow. I don't know what I ever saw in you.

Just Normal: What did I do wrong!?

Mindworm: Listen to the Jo Bros.

Mr. Monkey Man: ...Jo Bros? Seriously?

The War Master: *snickers* Sounds like our little Eddiekins likes them, too. He goes by their nickname.

Mindworm: What does that have to do with anything?

The War Master: ...You know what? Nevermind.

Mindworm: ???

The War Master: Nuffin. Just... nuffin.

Mr. Monkey Man: When I first saw that I thought it said muffin. That's what Kevin really likes...

Just Normal: I know, right!!! Especially the banana nut kind! (PS I don't know about all this for sure, so don't take my word and send him a crapload of muffins. I'm just making it up for the purpose of this fanfiction)

The War Master: Now, how in the heck did you know that?

Mr. Monkey Man: *looks side to side nervously* I.... googled it?

Mindworm: Sure you did, sure you did....

Mr. Monkey Man: So what, I'm in love with Kevin, is that alright!?

Just Normal: Really!? Me too!!!!!!!!

Mindworm: ..............Emmet's gone crazy and Bella's okay with it. I think the world has been overthrown by aliens and they've did some sort of funky brain damage to everyone on this planet!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD GO SO YOUNG!?!?!?!?!?!?

The War Master: ....They're not dead.

Mindworm: ....I know that.

Just Normal: .................

_Kevin, Joe, and Nick have all signed on_

Kevin: What the heck? How did we get over here!?

Just Normal and Mr. Monkey Man: GASP!!! *faint and then magically come back as though nothing ever happened*

Nick: ...Well that wasn't good.

Joe: Nope, not at all.

Mr. Monkey Man: Hey Kevin!!!! It's been a while!!

Kevin: O EMMYKINS!!!!! It's been so long......

Mr. Monkey Man: Hey, I have some news.....

Everyone: *listens intently, even though they are on the internet*

Mr. Monkey Man: The baby is due next week!!

Everyone: ......................................................................

Kevin: Aw..... Little Billy Jo will soon be part of our world!!!!!!

Joe: How come you never told us about this, Kevin?

Nick: Yea, we're your brothers! You should at least let us know you got a vampire pregnant!!

Mindworm: Okay, not only did our vampire brother get pregnant, which is impossible on so many levels, but it was by a human dude.

The War Master: When did the world stop making sense!?

Just Normal: Apparently 8 months and 3 weeks ago.

The War Master:...That was a rhetorical question.

Just Normal: I know.

Mindworm: ....Just wait until Rosalie finds out about this.

Kevin: Who's Rosalie?

The War Master: *snickers* Emmet's _wife_.

Joe and Nick: Well, I think we should go now............ BYE!!!!!

_Joe and Nick have signed out_

Mindworm: Wow Emmet, you're in some deep crap. I think I better go.

The War Master: I'M WITH EDWARD!!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!

Just Normal: ...Why were you writing in all caps?

The War Master: IT'S FUN THIS WAY. PLUS, CAPS LOCK IS ON AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN IT OFF.

Just Normal: Press the caps lock button again.

The War Master: ....O. That works. ....BYE!

_The War Master and Mindworm have signed out_

Kevin: Emmet, you've got some 'splainin' to do.

Mr. Monkey Man: Kevin, baby, I had to make an appearance for the rest of the family....

Kevin: So, you care more about them than me!?

Mr. Monkey Man: Well, you didn't tell your brothers about me!!

Kevin: That's it: We're through!!!!!!!

Mr. Monkey Man: Fine!

Kevin: Fine!

Mr. Monkey Man: Good!

Kevin: Good!

Just Normal: Man, this is better than cable. *eats popcorn*

_Nick's Stalker and Nick sign on_

Nick: Hey Bro, Mom is yelling at us to get downstairs, we better go.....

Nick's Stalker: OMGW!!!!!!! IT'S NICK!!!! Hi Nick! What are youuuu doing?

Nick: ....I'm going to guess by your name you're my stalker?

Just Normal: Well, no dip Sherlock. *rolls eyes*

Nick: Who you calling Sherlock?

Nick's Stalker: MARRY ME!!!!!

Nick: No.

Nick's Stalker: Why not?

Nick: Because you stalk me. Duh.

Nick's Stalker: It's not stalking! It's.... it's.... it's research!!!!!!

Kevin: I think we should go....

Mr. Monkey Man: I'm with you.

_Kevin and Mr. Monkey Man have signed out_

Just Normal: Yea, this is getting weird... I'm out.

_Just Normal has signed out_

Nick: *in a girly voice* MOMMY! SAVE ME!!!!!!!

Nick's Stalker: I am going to kidnap you and keep you in my closet. Don't think I don't know where you live.

Nick: OMGW!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Nick and Nick's Stalker have signed out_

**Author's Note: Well folks, that's all for this chapter. I hope you've enjoyed it. And if you didn't, that's just too bad. I'm sorry to all you people that like the Jonas Brothers, but please don't flame me, it was SlightlyGayPirate's idea. So flame her. Lol just kidding. But please, show me (and SGP) some love and give us wonderful reviews!!! Or else we'll send the turtles after you. We have the authority to do that. Have a nice day :D**


	30. Emmett Discovers Magic Pants

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXX: Emmett and His Magic Pants  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. But I do own the story behind the magic pants :D**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmett: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, and Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick have all signed on_

Mr. Monkey Man: ZOMG!!!!!

The War Master: ...What are you so hyper about?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: He's all jacked up on Mountain Dew. I foresaw it a while back.

The War Master: Ah. It all makes sense now.

Mr. Monkey Man: I DISCOVERED MAGIC PANTS!

The War Master: ...You discovered... Magic... Pants?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ...They're not really magic, they're just a regular pair of Carlisle's levis.

Mr. Monkey Man: They're not just ordinary levi's! They talk to me and everything! Listen!

The War Master: ...I think he's officially insane.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: He was officially insane the day he was born.

Mr. Monkey Man: ...Me and the pants don't agree with that.

_Just Normal has signed on_

Just Normal: Hey guys, what's up?

Mr. Monkey Man: I DISCOVERED TALKING PANTS!!!!!!!!!

Just Normal: *sighs* I think he's finally lost his brain.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Can't lose what you never had.

The War Master: She has a point.

Just Normal: True.

The War Master: So.....

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ....What's up?

Just Normal: Nuffin much. Sitting here reading fanfiction by this chick named AllApologies451994. I swear, it's like she takes all our conversations and posts them on the internet.

Mr. Monkey Man: Well duh, you know she does. The pants told me, and if the pants said it, it has to be true.

Just Normal: Emmett, I swear I think you're jacked up on Mountain Dew. I thought I told you not to have all that! Of _course_ she doesn't take all our conversations and post them on the internet. That would be weird.

_AllApologies451994 has signed on_

AllApologies451994: Emmett's telling the truth. I gave him the pants, and they do say all. And I've been reading this whole conversation as it has been going on. Now, keep making jokes. People love it when you break the fourth wall.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: What's the fourth wall?

AllApologies451994: ...It's hard to explain, so I'm just gonna use an example. You know when how you play a game such as Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, they reference another Mario game? That's considered breaking the fourth wall. Like when you reference something else in another game.

The War Master: ...Hey AllApologies, you remind me of someone I know... Did you happen to give me a cookie a few chapters ago?

AllApologies451994: Yes. Yes I did.

Just Normal: Wait.. chapters?

AllApologies451994: Yea... Remember, this goes on the internet?

Mr. Monkey Man: *mutters to the talking pants* I told you I was right... No one ever listens to me...

AllApologies451994: Yea... you guys are boring. I think I'll just go now.

The War Master: ...Wait, Andrea?

AllApologies451994: ...How do you know my name?

The War Master: I dunno. This is your fanfiction. And anyways, I want a cookie.

AllApologies451994: I don't have any.

The War Master: Darn.

Mr. Monkey Man: Ha ha, she doesn't love you.

The War Master: R-r-really? ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME!?

AllApologies451994: We were never together, dumbrump.

Mr. Monkey Man: Yea, she's dating a guy named _Ricky...._

AllApologies451994: Emmett? Do I have to confiscate the magic pants?

Mr. Monkey Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! DON'T EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Mr. Monkey Man has signed off_

Just Normal: Well huh.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Well that wasn't random at all.

AllApologies451994: Yea, I couldn't eat him if I tried. Vampire skin is very chewy.

The War Master: Um...... I'm not going to tick you off.

AllApologies451994: Okay. ....I need a burger. You guys wanna come with me?

Just Normal: Sure.

_Just Normal, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, AllApologies451994, The War Master, and Just Normal have all signed off_

**Author's Note: Sorry about taking so long to update. I've been facing depression, and writing other stories, and spending time with my boyfriend... I also got in trouble with my counselor for my cutting problem.... So yea.... I hope you guys can forgive me by sending me lots and lots of reviews. And if you review I will love you forever. :)**

**~AllApologies451994**

**Andrea**


	31. Conversations Between Edward and Bella

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXXI: Conversations Between Edward and Bella**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of it's characters. Those go to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmett: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Mindworm and Just Normal have signed on_

Mindworm: Hello, love. What's up?

Just Normal: Not much. Hey, Edward?

Mindworm: Yea?

Just Normal: Why do you always call me love?

Mindworm: Because I love you, silly. Duh.

Just Normal: If you loved me, why did you call me silly?

Mindworm: It's just a tease. To show you how much I care.

Just Normal: O, I see! So, whenever you call Emmett all them words I'm not allowed to repeat, that's to show him you care!

Mindworm: Whatever you want to believe, honey. Whatever you want to believe....

Just Normal: I'm bored......

Mindworm: Well, what do you wanna do?

Just Normal: Baby, you know what I wanna do....

Mindworm: You mean.... That... thing?

Just Normal: Yea.... You up for it?

Mindworm: Yup....

*in unison*: GUITAR HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!

_Mindworm and Just Normal have signed off_

_*15 minutes later*_

_Mindworm and Just Normal have signed on_

Just Normal: Dude, I just PWNED you!

Mindworm: I haven't played in like, forever... I'm rusty.

Just Normal: No, you're just a sore loser.

Mindworm: Am not.

Just Normal: Are too.

Mindworm: Am not.

Just Normal: Are too.

Mindworm: Am not.

Just Normal: Are too.... OMG A SQUIRREL!!!!!

Mindworm: WHERE!?

Just Normal: Ha ha, I got you!

Mindworm: I hate you.

Just Normal: R-r-really?

Mindworm: NO! No, no, no, no, no!! I just said that!

Just Normal: Why? Do you get some sort of sick amusement from teasing me like that?

Mindworm: No... You know what?

Just Normal: What?

Mindworm: You're stupid.

Just Normal: Aw, I love you too!!

Mindworm: _Women...._

Just Normal: What was that?

Mindworm: Nuffin but a muffin....

Just Normal: ...Dude, that was soooooo lame....

Mindworm: Don't blame me, the author is making me say it.

Just Normal: Ah. Makes sense.

Mindworm: Yup.

Just Normal: _I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world...._

Mindworm: NO! NO! JUST SHUT UP! NO!

Just Normal: Wow, who peed in your Cheerios?

Mindworm: Emmett.

Just Normal: Man, didn't Esme already tell him to stop that? It's not right.

Mindworm: I know, it's wrong.

Just Normal: Yea... that's what _not right _means.

Mindworm: ...Shut up.

Just Normal: Hey, I hear Renesmee hollering at us. I think we should go.

Mindworm: I also hear Jacob.... *screams in background* NOO!!! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG, NESSIE!!!!

_Mindworm and Just Normal have signed off_

**Author's Note: Guys, I'm sorry this isn't all that funny. I just got dumped and couldn't find the spirit to write. But I didn't want to let you guys suffer, so here's a chapter while I get over everything. Next chapter should be better. But I need the reviews to give me the spirit to write... As in, I need 5 reviews before I go on. :)**


	32. When Worlds Collide

**Twilight on Windows Live!**

**Chapter XXXII: When Worlds Collide**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters, yadda yadda yadda, you know the drill. But I DO own the nicknames for Cody and the story behind the wallets and Mountain Dew bubbles. :D**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmett: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

SPECIAL GUESTS!!

**Andrea (Me): AllApologies451994**

**Margaret: Roger Roger**

**Shelby: nelbyisthemasterofpenguins**

**Cody: PhatBoyBubba**

**Mak: Mak_Attack_301**

**Ricky: xXReaper13Xx**

**Tyler (Chip): Chipper Dipper Doo**

**Mr. Reid: Mr. Reid (for lack of a better name)**

**Phil: Phil (also, for lack of a better name)**

**Brian: Spencerz**

_Mr. Monkey Man, The War Master, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, Just Normal, and AllApologies451994 have all signed on_

AllApologies451994: Hey guys! What's up?

Mr. Monkey Man: Um, I hate to be rude, but... why the heck are you even _here?_

AllApologies451994: If I told you I would have to kill you.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: She came her because she wanted all her friends to get the chance to meet us.

AllApologies451994: ...Why?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: I dunno, you're the author.

Mindworm: ...Um... Is it normal for author's to be thinking about vampire ostriches?

Just Normal: Edward... I'm scared....

The War Master: I'm sure it's not, but... she's the author, and she MUST be messed up to even be writing this.

AllApologies451994: Well, I'm bringing all my friends over. Brb.

Mindworm: Um... one of them is thinking about ostriches, one is thinking about Smarties, one is thinking about a chick named Megan, one is thinking about Twinkies, one of them is thinking about slapping Margaret across the face... I don't even know if she's right in the brain.

_Roger Roger, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, PhatBoyBubba, Mak_Attack_301, xXReaper13Xx, Chipper Dipper Doo, Mr. Reid, Phil, and Spencerz have all signed on_

xXReaper13Xx: What the heck? How did I get here?

AllApologies451994: I invited you here. Duh.

Roger Roger: OMG MR. REID!!! AND CHIP!!!

Mr. Reid: Yea... it's me, alright....

Chipper Dipper Doo: Yea, I'm here too, so just shut up Roger Roger.

Roger Roger: I didn't say anything, I'm typing.

Chipper Dipper Doo: Well, quit typing.

Mindworm: Man, it's so hard to listen to all of this!

xXReaper13Xx: You get used to all this with time. I was with Andrea for a while and she's the most random chick in the world.

AllApologies451994: Yes, but you loved me.

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: I thought it was all disgusting. I don't like people like you. No offense.

AllApologies451994: Let's just skip this, it's a touchy subject.

Phil: OOOOOOOOOOoooooooo, Andrea is getting jealous!

AllApologies451994: What the heck, Phil? ...You know what, just go eat a crapping Twinkie.

Phil: I don't like Twinkies.

Mr. Monkey Man: OMGW YOU DON'T LIKE TWINKIES!? YOU'RE A FREAK!!!

Roger Roger: How could you, Phil?

Phil: Ugh, this is stupid, I'm out.

Just Normal: I'm with Phil, I'm scared.

Mindworm: I'll go, too.

_Phil, Just Normal, and Mindworm have signed off_

Chipper Dipper Doo: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP, ROGER ROGER!!!!

Roger Roger: I don't want to.

The War Master: This was a bad idea....

PhatBoyBubba: This is weird. Hey Mak, wanna talk about Halo?

Mak_Attack_301: Nah. Makiah tore my game disc up by putting it in the wrong way...

PhatBoyBubba: Like Guitar Hero: Metallica?

Mak_Attack_301: Exactly.

xXReaper13Xx: I'm bored.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Aren't we all? You guys are talking to fictional characters and we're actually going along with it.

Mr. Monkey Man: Who are you calling imaginary?

Roger Roger: *grabs a banana and smacks Emmett upside the head with it*

The War Master: You go, girl! *high fives Margaret*

Roger Roger: *high fives Jasper*

PhatBoyBubba: Where did you get that nanner at?

Roger Roger: I pulled it out of my pocket.

Mak_Attack_301: 0.o

Mr. Reid: Roger Roger!!! I've never seen you so violent...!

Chipper Dipper Doo: Mr. Reid, you think Roger Roger is _sooooo innocent...._ In reality, she's a jerk.

Roger Roger: At least I don't throw Jenga blocks at people! I still have a bruise there :(

AllApologies451994: Yea, Chip. God, you should learn to gain some manners.

Chipper Dipper Doo: Do I even know you?

AllApologies451994: ...I'm in your A&A class. You know... when Margaret came and you were throwing Jenga blocks, I was the one who hid behind her?

Roger Roger: Thanks for that, by the way.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: OMGW OMGW OMGW OMGW!!!!!! SOMEONE STOLE MY WALLET!!!!

Mr. Reid: *whistles suspiciously*

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: OMG YOU TOOK HER WALLET!? I WAS GOING TO GO SHOPPING WITH HER!!!

Mr. Monkey Man: It's OMG_W, _thank you. At least keep your facts straight.

AllApologies451994: Yea, foo! ...I forgot you were here, Shelby, to be quite honest. 0.o

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: Wow. I feel so loved right about now.

xXReaper13Xx: You should.

AllApologies451994: I FORGOT YOU WERE, HERE, TOO!!!! OMGW I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!!!!!

The War Master: Can't lose what you never had.

AllApologies451994: ...You're... against me? DOES NO ONE LOVE ME ANYMORE!?

Roger Roger and xXReaper13Xx: I love you, Andrea!

xXReaper13Xx: Even if you do look like a nanner!

PhatBoyBubba: I didn't think Andrea ever looked like a nanner....

Spencerz: ...Okay, so I walk out of the bathroom, only to find I've been inducted into a conversation with fictional characters, and Mr. Reid, and we're discussing if Andrea looks like a banana or not. This is messed up.

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: ...Now that I think about it, she kinda DOES look like a nanner!

AllApologies451994: *hides in the corner [think Tamaki from Ouran: High School Host Club]* Nobody loves me....

Roger Roger: Way to go, Shelby. You destroyed her self esteem.

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: *burp*

Spencerz: Wow, this isn't weird at all.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Mr. Reid, give me my wallet!!

Mr. Reid: I don't have your wallet!

PhatBoyBubba: Yes you do. I watched you steal it!

Mak_Attack_301: Yea, I was there, too. And so was Chip....

Chipper Dipper Doo: Don't drag me into this!

Mr. Monkey Man: The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...

AllApologies451994: OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xXReaper13Xx: Are you alright!?

AllApologies451994: NO! I HAVE A CRAPPING MOUNTAIN DEW BUBBLE STUCK UP MY NOSE!!!

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: That's not weird at all!

Mr. Monkey Man: That's actually happened to me before...

The War Master: Yea... it's not funny if it pops up there.

Roger Roger: *sighs* Andrea, do you need a Q-tip?

PhatBoyBubba: *dies laughing* You said Q... lol

Mak_Attack_301: *dies laughing also* It would've been funnier if she said Q U!

Spencerz: I'm out.

_Spencerz has signed out_

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: What a killjoy.

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: No wonder you broke up with him!

AllApologies451994: Hello! Girl with a Mountain Dew bubble stuck up her nose here!

Mr. Monkey Man: Hey Girl With A Mountain Dew Bubble Stuck Up Her Nose! I'm Emmett!

Roger Roger: *pulls out a banana*

Chipper Dipper Doo: Ahem... May I?

Roger Roger: Go for it.

Chipper Dipper Doo: *slaps Emmett upside the head with a banana*

AllApologies451994: OMGW IT POPPED!!! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!

xXReaper13Xx: Aw, I'm sorry...

The War Master: Hey, I have to go, guys. Bye.

_The War Master has signed off_

PhatBoyBubba: I love my name!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: How did you even get the name, PhatBoyBubba?

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: Welp, me and Andrea over there were making up a new fanfiction, and didn't know what to call him, because had nicknames for everyone. So, Andrea walks up to him and asks him what he wants his nickname to me. Well, I show up out of nowhere and say "How about PhatBoyBubba?" and we all loved it.

Roger Roger: It's even better if you say it to the Hot Pocket's jingle tune.

Mr. Monkey Man: *in sing song voice* Phat Boy Bubba... Yea, it _does _sound awesome!

Chipper Dipper Doo: This is weird.

xXReaper13Xx: Yea...

AllApologies451994: ...OMG ANOTHER ONE WENT UP MY NOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roger Roger: Am I gonna have to take your Mountain Dew away from you?

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: Screw Mountain Dew, I has Smarties!!! Eeeeeeeeeeee........

xXReaper13Xx: I'm afraid now.

Chipper Dipper Doo: I think we should ALL be afraid of them two right now....

AllApologies451994: I can't help it, Mountain Dew smells so good....

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: Smarties are better.

PhatBoyBubba: Hey Mak, I think we should leave...

Mak_Attack_301: Yea, me too. I still value what's left of my sanity.

_PhatBoyBubba and Mak_Attack_301 have signed off_

Roger Roger: I think I better get Andrea and Shelby out of here before they pass out.

nelbyisthemasterofpenguins: Hee hee... I'm not high.... *sticks some Smarties up her nose* LOOK AT THE PRETTY BUBBLES!!!!

AllApologies451994: DON'T MENTION BUBBLES!!!! THEY HURT TOO MUCH!!!!

Roger Roger: Exactly why they should go.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Um... you might wanna get Shelby over there to the doctor if you don't want her to overdose on candy... I tried to look at her future and it was all black.

Chipper Dipper Doo: That can't be good at all.

xXReaper13Xx: Yea, I think I better rush Andrea over to the hospital, too. She might die if that Mountain Dew bubble can't get out of her nose.

Mr. Monkey Man: ...I have no fancy excuse, I'm just gonna leave.

Chipper Dipper Doo: Me too.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Me three.

AllApologies451994: ...It's starting to hurt so much my nose is going numb... NOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Roger Roger: It's okay, Andrea... It will all be fine....

xXReaper13Xx: Yea, let's just get you to a doctor... Shelby too.

_Roger Roger, nelbyisthemasterofpenguins, AllApologies451994, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, Chipper Dipper Doo, xXReaper13Xx, and Mr. Monkey Man have all signed off_

**A/N: Welp, there you have it. I didn't exactly get 5 reviews last chapter (actually, I only got 2), but I felt the need to post this anyways. I was bored and typed this up for some reason. So yea, be glad I was bored, or you wouldn't have gotten this. O yea, and Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it! O yea, and just a heads up; I probably won't be updating for a while because it's the holiday season... So expect the next update sometime in 2010! O yea, and entries for mine and SGP's competition are still being accepted (we only have one, and it's mine...) so yea... Thanks, and review! :D**


	33. Rawr, I is Back!

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXIII: Rawr, I is Back!  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. If I did I would be incredibly rich and popular and all of you guys would bow down in my presence because I'd be a dictator. RAWR!**

**Carlisle: Vamp Daddy**

**Edward: Mindworm**

**Emmett: Mr. Monkey Man**

**Jacob: Fluffy Dawg**

**Jasper: The War Master**

**Alice: Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick**

**Bella: Just Normal**

**Esme: Mother Goose**

**Renesmee: Puppy Lover**

**Rosalie: Beautifully Blonde**

_Vamp Daddy, Mr. Monkey Man, Fluffy Dawg, The War Master, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, Just Normal, Mother Goose, and Puppy Lover have all signed on_

Vamp Daddy: Hey dudes! 'Sup?

Mr. Monkey Man: Dude, why are you talking like that?

Vamp Daddy: Because I am hip, yo.

Puppy Lover: Grandpa, you're embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend!

Fluffy Dawg: It's okay, Nessie. I still love you, even if your grandpa is an idiot.

Puppy Lover: Aw :)

Vamp Daddy: Hey!

Mother Goose: That's my husband you're talking about!

Just Normal: Nessie, you do not disrespect your grandfather like that. Jake, you shouldn't go along with it.

Fluffy Dawg: Yes, _mother._

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: OMGW OMGW OMGW!!!!! I just saw your future, Bellaaaaaaaaaa....

Just Normal: NO! NO!! I AM _NOT _GOING SHOPPING WITH YOU!!!! NOT TODAY!!!!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: What's wrong with you, I was just gonna say Bob's gonna get a manicure.

The War Master: Who's Bob?

Just Normal: My new pet rock!

Vamp Daddy: OOO!!! LOOK AT MINE, LOOK AT MINE!!!!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ...Um.... okay? *goes off into vision mode*

Mr. Monkey Man: Why did you have to type *goes off into vision mode*? We know you're doing it.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: I was dropped on my head at birth, don't judge me.

Vamp Daddy: Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you....

Mr. Monkey Man: HUSH ALREADY!!!!

Puppy Lover: Mommy, I'm scared.

Fluffy Dawg: Do you need the big bad wolf to protect you?

Puppy Lover: Rawr :)

Fluffy Dawg: Wait, huh?

Puppy Lover: Rawr, silly! It means 'I love you' in dinosaur.

Fluffy Dawg: O. Well, rawr to you too!

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: I SAW IT!!! I SAW HIS FUTURE!!!!

The War Master: What does it say, honey?

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: ....Dude, you _really_ need to put your foot down sometime. Apparently, you're going to that antiques show with Esme later.

Mother Goose: YES!! I told you you would cave, honey!

Vamp Daddy: I know...

Mother Goose: You wanna get ready right now?

Vamp Daddy: Okay. Bye everyone.

_Vamp Daddy and Mother Goose have signed off_

Mr. Monkey Man: Rawr.

Just Normal: Who was that directed to?

Mr. Monkey Man: What? Huh?

Fluffy Dawg: Duh idiot, it means 'I love you' in dinosaur.

Puppy Lover: Don't you just _hate_ it when people tell you something and they go around and tell everyone else what it means like they've known it their whole life?

The War Master: They're the worst, don't you agree, Jake?

Fluffy Dawg: Yup, the worst... Heh heh....

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Hey Bella, wanna go take Bob to the best nail place there is [I don't know the professional names for them things, so they're just nail places to me.]

Just Normal: You know it!!!!

The War Master: And I assume Alice will do some heavy duty shopping while they're out, so I guess I'll go to. To carry the stuff, that is.

Mr. Monkey Man: Dude, you know you love to shop.

The War Master: Do not.

Mr. Monkey Man: Do too.

The War Master: Do not.

Mr. Monkey Man: Do too.

The War Master: Do not.

Mr. Monkey Man: Do too.

The War Master: Do not.

Mr. Monkey Man: Do not.

The War Master: Do too.

Mr. Monkey Man: I GOT YOU!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

The War Master: Shut up, foo!

Just Normal: Gasp! Don't use such language in front of my child!

Fluffy Dawg: She's heard (and said) much worse, trust me.

Just Normal: And how would you know this?

Fluffy Dawg: ...QUICK!!!! RUN FOR COVER!!!!

Puppy Lover: You got it, chief!!!

_Fluffy Dawg and Puppy Lover have all signed off_

Just Normal: Come on Alice, let's go. And you too, Jasper.

Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick: Yea, let's go!!!

The War Master: I'll get Bob!

_Just Normal, Psychic Shopping Pixi Stick, and The War Master have signed off_

Mr. Monkey Man: Now I'm all alone... Lalalalalalalalalalala....... RAWR!!!!!!!

**A/N: I AM BACK!!! HEAR ME RAWR AND FEAR ME!!!!! ...Ahem. I hope you've enjoyed this little chapter. O yea, and here's a little note. I checked my story views for yesterday, and you know how many views I had for all my stories totaled, just yesterday? 669 freaking views!!!! Yet, I got maybe 6 or 7 reviews. Why? If you view this story, please leave some feedback. I know you guys don't love it so much that it's perfect, and you need to tell me what you wish for the gang to talk about or what I should correct or just anything! Just let me know what you think about it in general! I can't read your minds, well, at least I don't **_**think**_** I can. If I can though, I have some hidden talent I need to unearth right away. Well, that's all for now. :D**

**~Andrea (AllApologies451994)**


	34. More Random Conversations

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXIV: More Random Conversations  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. You'd think it'd sink in after 33 chapters... Well, I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, blah blah blah....**

**Note: Names have changed**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, Feeling Your Pain, Hyperactive Fairy, No One Knows, LochNessMonster, and Blondie have all signed on_

**Beary McBearington:** Hey dudes! What is UP, yo!?

**Mind Your Own Business:** ...Did Carlisle happen to get to you?

**Hyperactive Fairy:** Yea... I had a vision last night... Those two apparently are Smartie traders....

**No One Knows:** Hey Alice, why did you change your name to Hyperactive Fairy?

**Hyperactive Fairy:** Because I'm tired of pixies. They kicked me out of their clan.

**Feeling Your Pain:** I'm so sorry, Alice. If it makes you feel any better, the turtles kicked me out of their clan, too.

**Beary McBearington:** Well, everyone loves me, so I haven't been kicked out of ANY club!

**Mind Your Own Business:** That's because you aren't IN any club.

**Beary McBearington:** Dude, I'm special. Don't judge me.

**Blondie:** Maybe it's from when you were little you used to roll down them stairs all the time. [Margaret and I used to do this back when we were in Kindergarten... There was a bunch of steps in the gymnasium and we would get to the top and roll down. Good times, goooood times......]

**LochNessMonster:** Daddy........ Emmett's being weird..... Make it stooooooop.......

**No One Knows:** Now honey, you know you can't control Emmett's... weirdness. It sorta turns off and on by itself. Neither me nor daddy can help it.

**Feeling Your Pain:** You're using incorrect grammar.

**No One Knows:** What do you mean?

**Hyperactive Fairy:** He's right. You should've said "Daddy nor I" instead of "Me nor daddy"

**Blondie:** UGH!!! We could be sitting here talking about a million things and we're sitting here talking about grammar. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

**LochNessMonster:** It's one of the biggest mysteries of life.

**Beary McBearington:** Amen, sister.

**Blondie:** Hey Nessie, wanna go get our manicures so we can get away from these freaks?

**LochNessMonster:** You know it!

_Blondie and LochNessMonster have signed off_

**No One Knows: **OOOOOO!!!! Speaking of manicures, Alice, wanna go check on Bob!?

**Hyperactive Fairy:** Why, you know it, girlfriiiiiieeeeeeeennnnnnnd!

**Feeling Your Pain:** Um, honey?

**Hyperactive Fairy:** Yes, sweetheart?

**Feeling Your Pain:** Please don't do that again.

**Hyperactive Fairy:** Whatever.

_Hyperactive Fairy and No One Knows have signed off_

**Mind Your Own Business:** RAWR!!!!!

**Beary McBearington:** Aw, I love you too!

**Mind Your Own Business:** ...I didn't mean it like THAT. I meant rawr as in "I'm bored, so rawr".

**Feeling Your Pain:** Yea, what are you Emmett, some kind of retard?

**Beary McBearington:** DON'T JUDGE ME, I'M SPECIAL!!!!!

**Mind Your Own Business:** Eh. I feel like judging you today. Freak.

**Beary McBearington:** I'M TELLING MOMMY!!! ESME, THEY'RE CALLING ME A FREAK!!!

**Feeling Your Pain:** First of all, only Edward called you a freak, and second of all, you should tell Esme this, not type it on the chatroom to us.

**Mind Your Own Business:** Yea, dude. Quit being such a freak.

**Beary McBearington:** Nah. I feel like being a freak. Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to tell Mommy that you have planned the rubber duckies to come after me.

_Beary McBearington has signed off_

**Feeling Your Pain:** Eh, I wanna go too. Wanna play some Guitar Hero?

**Mind Your Own Business:** Dude, you're on.

_Feeling Your Pain and Mind Your Own Business have signed off_

**A/N: RAWR!!!! FEAR ME!!!!! Please forgive me for the shortness on this chapter. Plus, I just wrote it up as I went, and I'm not going back over it because I'm in a sort of a rush. Well, I do that for every chapter. But o well. O yea, you fans of the Umbrella Academy out there, I have a UA/Twilight crossover fanfiction titled Heroes of Forks, Washington if you ever want to read it. I got the inspiration to write it after rereading Dallas. The forth time in a row. :D O yea, about this story. Thank you to everyone who read this! Although I've maybe only gotten 3 reviews.... Don't you guys love me anymore? I mean, I sat here a WHOLE 10 MINUTES just to make you guys happy. Now, this may not seem like a lot to you guys, but I'm very impatient and have other things to do. Like, write other chapters for other fanfictions. AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT MINE AND SGP'S COMPETITION!!! I talked to her a while back and we're talking about extending it until Valentines Day (because she didn't want me to win by default...), so hurry up and PM either me or her your story. We'll read it and induct it into our C2. ...Wow, this is a very lengthy A/N. Ah well. Remember, read my Umbrella Academy/Twilight crossover, review THIS story if you read it, and send me in your entries for our competition. For details, view my profile. Okay, that's all. REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	35. Emmett and Jasper Have a Conversation

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXV: Emmett and Jasper [Attempt To] Have a Conversation  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilght or any of its characters. You guys should know by now....**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Beary McBearington and Feeling Your Pain have signed on_

**Beary McBearington**: Hey, foo!

**Feeling Your Pain**: Who you calling foo, foo!?

**Beary McBearington**: I'm not the foo, you're the foo, foo!

**Feeling Your Pain**: Huh?

**Beary McBearington**: I dunno. I just said it.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Ah. Sounds interesting.

**Beary McBearington**: Very interesting.

**Feeling Your Pain**: So...

**Beary McBearington**: 'Sup?

**Feeling Your Pain**: Nothing much. I'm trying to get this thing in the thing, but it keeps bending and won't go....

**Beary McBearington**: O.o

**Feeling Your Pain**: What?

**Beary McBearington**: That sounded wrong.

**Feeling Your Pain**: ...I took this picture out of its frame and whenever I try to put it back in it keeps bending and won't go in right. What did you THINK I was talking about!?

**Beary McBearington**: Well, you see, when a man loves a woman...

Feeling Your Pain: OMGZ LOL ROFL BBQ NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!! I'M STILL INNOCENT!!!!

**Beary McBearington**: It's better to stay that way, my friend.

**Feeling Your Pain**: ....You didn't seem that way a second ago.

**Beary McBearington**: ....I see my pills have failed.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Huh? What the heck are you talking about?

**Beary McBearington**: I take pills for my split personality. That's also why I seem so loopy all the time.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Wow, dude. I never knew. So, it's all the pill's fault?

**Beary McBearington**: Lalalalalala..... That spoon is ...........

**Feeling Your Pain**: Apparently not completely -_-

**Beary McBearington**: That's a funny emoticon. Hey, guess what!?

**Feeling Your Pain**: What!?

**Beary McBearington**: I can make a bunny! See?  
(/)_(/)

( ' . ' )

(=)_(=)

**Feeling Your Pain**: Heh heh, that's a pretty cool bunny.

**Beary McBearington**: He looks all soft and sweet now, but to be quite honest, he's gonna take over the world one day and be an evil dictator and make me his little monkey puppet.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Um... I'll go along with it for now. How exactly will he come to power?

**Beary McBearington**: He's going to pop out of this computer and eat us all.

**Feeling Your Pain**: I see. When.

**Beary McBearington**: I'd say about now.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Emmett, you do realize...

_Beary McBearington and Feeling Your Pain have signed out due to being eaten by an evil bunny._

**Author's Note: Guys!!! I love you!!! I got a TON of reviews for my story. I'm so glad to be doing so well! I hope I get a ton of reviews for this chapter, too. Maybe Emmett and Jasper will come back to life... If I don't get at least 5 reviews [not only for this chapter, for the whole story after I post this chapter... -hint hint-] they won't come back. O yea, Legend of Zelda fans... Monkey Fighter Ninja [AKA my uncle Jimmy] has a story called The Frivolous Saga, and was wanting me to advertise it in some of my stories. So, check it out if you have the time, and PLEASE leave a review. Do it for me. Because you love me like that. :D**


	36. Bets and Medication

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXVI: Bets and Medication  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, the song Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue, or Fruits Basket. Those rights go to their respective owners.**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, Feeling Your Pain, and No One Knows have signed on_

**No One Knows**: Hey,dudes! !?

**Mind Your Own Business**: Honey, are you okay? You're acting a bit off....

**No One Knows**: Yea, I'm fine. But I did lose a bet with Emmett.

**Feeling Your Pain**: What kind of bet did it happen to be?

**Beary McBearington**: Nothing that bad... Why do you always assume it's something bad if I'm in it.

**Mind Your Own Business**: ...For some unknown reason, I don't trust you.

**No One Knows**: He's telling the truth... dawg. He was going to eat human food, and I bet he wouldn't be able to do it. He said he could, and I said he couldn't, and he said he could, and I said he couldn't....

**Feeling Your Pain**: Ahem.... Onto the story....

**No One Knows**: O yea! I knew I was missing the point, foos! Well, we bet to see how many Hot Pockets he could eat before he couldn't hold anymore. I told him if he could hold 10 I would talk like this, yo!

**Beary McBearington**: Bella.... Dear, sweet Bella.... If there was one thing you shoul've learned in your time here, it should have been to never doubt my mad skillz.

**Mind Your Own Business**: What "skills" are you referring to? The one you have that enables you to be stupid?

**Feeling Your Pain**: Actually, no, he takes pills for that.

**No One Knows**: Emm, dude, you're on drugs!? Sweet! Can I has some?

**Beary McBearington**: If you really wang... You know what's hilarious?

**Feeling Your Pain**: What?

**Beary McBearington**: The guy who prescribed them to me was...

**Mind Your Own Business**: Was... who?

**Beary McBearington**: Dr. Feelgood!

**No One Knows**: You lie!

**Beary McBearington**: How are you so sure?

**No One Knows**: Because I took those pills off your shelf just then and all the bottle says is "The Good Stuff".

**Mind Your Own Business**: Actually, those are my pills.... I take them when I'm depressed....

**Feeling Your Pain**: Why, do they make you feel high?

**Mind Your Own Business**: Dude, I'm the baby. Don't judge me.

**No One Knows**: *judges* You get an F!

**Mind Your Own Business**: Why, thank you.

**Beary McBearington**: Bella, you're not talking the way you're supposed to....

**No One Knows**: I'm not talking at all, retard, I'm typing.

**Beary McBearington**: No need to get technical....

**Mind Your Own Business**: Dude, you're just mad because she burnt your biscuits.

**Feeling Your Pain**: Dude, that was lame.

**Beary McBearington**: NOW WHO'S BISCUITS ARE BURNT, FOO!?

**Feeling Your Pain**: I'm out.

**No One Knows**: I'm with you. Let's go.

_Feeling Your Pain and No One Knows have signed off_

**Beary McBearington**: Bring it, foo!

**Mind Your Own Business**: No, YOU bring it!

_*Emmett and Edward get in a fight*_

_Carlizzle My Nizzle has signed on_

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: Guys, can you take this outside? I don't want you breaking my house again.

**Beary McBearington**: That's not a bad idea... Come on, Rat Boy!

**Mind Your Own Business**: Wait... Huh?

**Beary McBearington**: ...Nevermind.

_Carlizzle My Nizzle, Mind Your Own Business, and Beary McBearington have signed off_

**A/N: Hey guys! I hope you've enjoyed the newest installment of my story! ...O yea, I make a reference in here you should know about. In this chapter, Edward and Emmett begin to argue until Carlisle tells them to go outside as to not break the house. If you've ever seen an anime called Fruits Basket, you will ind this familiar: Emmet = Kyo, Edward = Yuki, and Carlisle = Shigure. I even added where Emmett calls Edward Rat Boy, an obvious reference to the show. If you haven't checked it out already, I highly reccomend it. Well, that's all for now. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	37. Renesmee Meets Chocolate

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXVII: Renesmee Meets Chocolate  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. Bla bla bla bla... RAWR!**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, No One Knows, and LochNessMonster have signed on_

**Mind Your Own Business**: Hello, my dear family and Emmett. What's up?

**Beary McBearington**: Dude, I am part of your family. I'm your brother. Why did you include me separately?

**No One Knows**: Because he don't love you like he did yesterday.

**Beary McBearington**: Really, Edward? Don't you love me anymore?

**Mind Your Own Business**: No.

**Beary McBearington**: Why?

**Mind Your Own Business**: Because you're annoying.

**Beary McBearington**: Am not.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Am too.

**Beary McBearington**: Are not.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Are too.

**Beary McBearington**: Are not.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Are too.

**Beary McBearington**: Fine then, you win this round. But this is not the last time you will see me!

**Mind Your Own Business**: Duh, we live in the same house, stupid.

**No One Knows**: No insults, we have a child in the conversation.

**Beary McBearington**: That reminds me of something.... Hey Nessie, want Uncle Emmy to show you a new trick?

**LochNessMonster**: Um... why?

**Beary McBearington**: Because, it'll be fun.

**LochNessMonster**: Well, alrighty then.

**No One Knows**: NESSIE, DON'T---

_Beary McBearington and LochNessMonster have signed out_

**No One Knows**: I'm gonna kill him.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Yea, me too.

**No One Knows**: He's so annoying!

**Mind Your Own Business**: I know, plus he broke all my CDs in half!

**No One Knows**: *grins sheepishly*

**Mind Your Own Business**: Um... that WAS Emmett, wasn't it?

**No One Knows**: Actually, no. It was Alice and me. We thought it would be fun to pull a prank on you for not letting me go shopping with her.

**Mind Your Own Business**: TRAITOR!!!

**No One Knows**: I didn't know it would hurt you, I'm sorry.

**Mind Your Own Business**: It's alright, I can't stay mad at you.

**No One Knows**: Um, since you can't stay mad at me, I think this may be the perfect moment to tell you....

**Mind Your Own Business**: Tell me what?

**No One Knows**: I stole all your Green Day posters because I think Billie Joe is hot.

**Mind Your Own Business**: ....Um....

**No One Knows**: Are you mad at me?

**Mind Your Own Business**: ......

**No One Knows**: You are, aren't you?

**Mind Your Own Business**: I'm not... going to... say... anything....

**No One Knows**: Dude, I soooooo got you!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! You're so gullible!

**Mind Your Own Business**: Um... this was a prank? *laughs nervously* I totally knew that.

**No One Knows**: Yea right! *in the background, she reaches under her desk and pulls out a poster with the American Idiot logo and another one with Billie Joe, Tre, and Mike standing in front of a green screen*

_Beary McBearington and LochNessMonster have signed on_

**Mind Your Own Business**: What did you do with our daughter!?

**Beary McBearington**: Nothing much... I just showed her a new trick, like I said....

**No One Knows**: What kind of trick!?

**LochNessMonster**: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!! MUST. HAVE. MORE. CHOCOLATE!!!!

**Beary McBearington**: THAT kind of trick.

**Mind Your Own Business**: YOU KNOW HOW HYPER THAT STUFF MAKES HER!!!! WHY DID YOU GIVE IT TO HER!?

**Beary McBearington**: Because you said you didn't love me.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Dude, I was JOKING!

**Beary McBearington**: Really?

**Mind Your Own Business**: Really.

**No One Knows**: Yea, I was just making a lame reference to MCR when I said "he don't love you like he did yesterday". What are you, stupid?

**Beary McBearington**: No, I is spechelle.

**LochNessMonster**: GIVE ME MORE CHOCOLATE OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR PATHETIC BODY!!!!!

**No One Knows**: Nessie, PLEASE calm down....

**LochNessMonster**: Ugh... I feel so... sluggish... What just happened?

**No One Knows**: Wow, that worked quite well.

**Mind Your Own Business**: I don't think this had anything to do with you... Thank God for Jasper's ability...

**Beary McBearington**: Darn that Jasper....

**Mind Your Own Business**: Well, since you failed... wanna go to McDonald's and make fun of everyone who looks fat?

**Beary McBearington**: I'm in.

**No One Knows**: Me too.

**LochNessMonster**: Me four.

**No One Knows**: Don't you mean three?

**LochNessMonster**: No, I mean four!

**Mind Your Own Business**: But three comes after two...

**LochNessMonster**: I MEANT WHAT I SAID AND I SAID WHAT I MEANT!!!

**Beary McBearington**: AN ELEPHANT'S FAITHFUL ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!!!

**Mind Your Own Business**: ....

**No One Knows**: Well, let's go!

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, No One Knows, and LochNessMonster have signed out._

**A/N: Hi guys!!! 163 reviews already!? I love you all! But I can see that everyone who views this story doesn't review it... It's a shame too, because I have a special already planned out for 200 reviews.... But I need actual reviews to put it into place... So, I know a LOT of people view this thing. Just leave one teensy tiny review. I'll even accept flames, because I've gotten used to them and won't freak out about them anymore. So, because you love me, and since you viewed this and the button's already there anyways.... LEAVE ME A REVIEWWWWWWWWWWW............ O yea, I've been typing in all caps a lot today. They make me feel all big and important :D**


	38. Of Moose, Platypi, and Green Day

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXVIII: Of Moose, Platypi, and Green Day  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: Bla bla bla bla Q. That means 'I own nothing' in my own special language.**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, and No One Knows have signed on_

No One Knows: I'm bored.

Mind Your Own Business: Well hello to you too.

Beary McBearington: Hey Edward, I bought you a present. To make up for giving Nessie that chocolate.

Mind Your Own Business: Aw, how sweet!! ...What is it and what's it's fault?

Beary McBearington: Nothing! Absolutely nothing!! Here, I'm going to bring it to you real quick.

No One Knows: Aw, how sweet. Nothing like brotherly love...

Mind Your Own Business: Yes there is. GameInformers and bananas. [GameInformers are a kind of magazine I subscribe to, but mommy and daddy won't let me resubscribe to them just yet, and I'm running out of issues... so grr...]

No One Knows: O yea, and Green Day!!!

Mind Your Own Business: My Chemical Romance!!!

No One Knows: Green Day has a song called Platypus (I Hate You), so there!

Mind Your Own Business: O yea, well... My Chemical Romance has a song called Kill All Your Friends!

No One Knows: Platypuses are better.

Mind Your Own Business: I believe the plural of platypus is 'platypi'.

Beary McBearington: Hey Edward, you like your gift?

Mind Your Own Business: It's a platypus!! I think I'll name it Perry! [Reference to Phineas and Ferb]

No One Knows: Hey Emmett, what's the plural form of platypus? Is it platypuses or platypi?

Beary McBearington: Hm... I believe it is platypee

Mind Your Own Business: Dude, that sounds wrong.

Beary McBearington: So?.

No One Knows: Well, what's the plural of moose? Is it mooses? [Random MCR reference... this is Frank...]

Mind Your Own Business: No, it's meesi. [This is Mikey...]

Beary McBearington: Eff off, it's meese. [Gerard's line... only edited :D]

Mind Your Own Business: Nah, I'm good.

No One Knows: I'm still bored...

Mind Your Own Business: I'm not, Perry and I are sitting here talking and playing and stuff.

No One Knows: Hey Emmett, go buy me a platypus.

Beary McBearington: Kay. Wanna come with me to see which one you like?

No One Knows: Yea, sure.

Mind Your Own Business: I'll go, too.

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, and No One Knows have signed off_

**A/N: DUDES!! You've stopped reviewing me!!! Is my humor stylings off or is it because I'm white? If it's the latter, you can review and call me a cracker... I don't mind.... Margaret calls me that all the time. If it's my sense of humor, review me and tell me something that would be funny to put in here. I have to admit, my sense of humor is a bit off [I find it hilarious whenever someone says "Thank you for the coffee", (but I have a reason, Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite #5)] so if you have something else for me to add in here I would appreciate it. Thanks for reading this and leave me a review. :D**


	39. Of Arguments and Long Names

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XXXIX: Of Arguments and Long Names  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ. So there.**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Buisness and No One Knows have signed on_

No One Knows: Dude, I'm soooo bored....

Mind Your Own Business: ...Really? Would a 'hello' really hurt?

No One Knows: Hello.

Mind Your Own Business: Hi.

No One Knows: You're boring me. I'm gonna go get my platypus.

Mind Your Own Business: Cool. What did you ever name your platypus?

No One Knows: Billie Joe Mike Tre Gerard Frank Bob Ray Mikey Kurt Dave Krist Cullen. But I call him Bob for short.

Mind Your Own Business: Wow. That's a mouthful of names.

No One Knows: Well, I was gonna name it Billie Joe Mike Tre Gerard Frank Bob Ray Mikey Kurt Dave Krist Armstrong Dirnt Cool Way Iero Bryar Toro Way Cobain Grohl Novoselic Cullen. Either way, I was gonna call it Bob for short, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Mind Your Own Business: Wow. Some name it has there. Mine's Perry Bert Cullen.

No One Knows: Why Bert?

Mind Your Own Business: I dunno, it's so plain and simple. I was torn between Bert and Phil, but I chose Bert.

No One Knows: I would've chose Phil.

Mind Your Own Business: Why?

No One Knows: I dunno, I just like the name Phil better than Bert.

Mind Your Own Business: You're weird.

No One Knows: No, YOU'RE the weird one.

Mind Your Own Business: I beg to differ....

No One Knows: ...On the contrary I agree with every word that you say. [If anyone gets this reference tell me and I'll give you a special prize. I has cookies! ( : : )]

Mind Your Own Business: ANYWAYS... I think we should stop this. We really shouldn't argue about weirdness.

No One Knows: This isn't an argument, this is a creative discussion.

Mind Your Own Business: Argument.

No One Knows: Discussion.

Mind Your Own Business: Argument!

No One Knows: Discussion!

Mind Your Own Business: You're just mad because I'm right and you're wrong.

No One Knows: No, you're just too stubborn to admit that I'M the one who's right and YOU'RE wrong!

Mind Your Own Business: ...Let's just give this up.

No One Knows: Alrighty then. Wanna let our platypi have a playdate?

Mind Your Own Business: Sure.

_Mind Your Own Business and No One Knows have signed off_

**A/N: Hi guys! I apologize for this chapter's shortness and crapitude, but I'm in a rough spot right now so... Yea... Besides, I'm the baby, you're not allowed to judge me. The only reason you guys got this is because I just had a Moon Pie and a glass of water (I've given up Pepsi...) and I'm SO loaded up on sugar! Trust me, one Moon Pie isn't really a lot for most people, but if you're like me, you get all hyper and crap when you get one. Plus, I got the idea of Bella and Edward having an argument and BOOM! This was born. So, I hope you've enjoyed it, and please leave a review :D**


	40. Vampires Vs Hobos and Cats?

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XL: Vampires Vs.... Hobos and Cats?  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except Bert the Hobo and Mr. Kitty the cat. Those are my characters, so don't steal them unless you tell me beforehand and give me credit.**

**A/N: O yea, I make Bert the Hobo have a cameo appearence in here. His name is really never even mentioned until almost the main end, but you should know who it is if you've ever read Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter or even the later chapters of Yoshi and Link. :D**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_**Special Guests:**_

**Mr. Kitty: Mr. Kitty (for lack of a better name)**

**Bert: InATrailerDownByTheRiver (random reference; if anyone gets this please tell me)**

_Beary McBearington, Hyperactive Fairy, Mr. Kitty, and InATrailerDownByTheRiver have signed on_

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Why is there a hobo and a cat in this conversation?

**Beary McBearington**: Because they love me!

**Hyperactive Fairy**: No they don't, they hate you.

**Beary McBearington**: Really? Do you guys hate me?

**Mr. Kitty**: Mew mew meow mew mew reyewr mew hiss.

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: O, foo, you just got told.

**Beary McBearington**: Who are you?

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: I'm your biggest fear and your worst nightmare.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Not really. You can't even afford cable.

**Beary McBearington**: And the closest you get to a shower is the rain.

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: ....That's just harsh.

**Mr. Kitty**: Mew! MEW!

**Beary McBearington**: What's that?

**Hyperactive Fairy**: I dunno, something about cheese, I think.

**Beary McBearington**: Mr. Kitty, do you like cheese?

**Mr. Kitty**: ....No. I love cheese.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: ....

**Beary McBearington**: ZOMG YOU CAN TYPE!?!?!?!?!?!

**Mr. Kitty**: ....Meow.

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: DUDE! YOU BLEW YOUR SECRET!!!

**Mr. Kitty**: I can't help it, I love cheese.

**Beary McBearington**: A typing cat. Huh. Now I've seen it all.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Really? You've seen EVERYTHING?

**Beary McBearington**: Yea....

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Even Rosalie while she's...

**Beary McBearington**: NO! I'M STILL INNOCENT!!!

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: But I thought you said you've seen it all.

**Beary McBearington**: Dude. Just... hush.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Is Emmett getting ?

**Beary McBearington**: No... I'm... I'm just.... I'M THE BABY, DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

**Mr. Kitty**: Too late. You already got an F from me.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Hey hobo, will you marry me?

**InATrailerDownByTheRiver**: Wait a minute....

_*Bert randomly just wakes up*_

"CRAP! IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM!!!"

"Nope, not all of it was a dream..."

Bert turned around to see Mr. Kitty looking up at him funny with slitty eyes like Voldemort's.

_End._

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY!!! SORRY SORRY SORRY!!!! ...Ahem, I'm over my Ritsu moment [dude from Fruits Basket]. But really, I'm sorry for this short and crappy chapter. But that's what you get when you put a child on around 4 hours of sleep and 5 Mountain Dews to keep her up. O yea, some special dedications.... This chapter goes out to Margaret, because without her Mr. Kitty wouldn't exist, and to Earl, who will never read this, but I sorta stole his line about cheese. Anyways, please leave me lots of reviews and fan letters for Bert, because one day he will rule over the world, and if you leave him reviews, he just might mention you in the next chapter.... And you know how sweet it would be to be mentioned by Bert? Sweeter than cotton candy. And THAT'S sweet. So read&review with wonderful feedback :D**


	41. Random Stuff

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLI: Random Stuff  
Written By: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except... Ooo! That trumpet over there looks shiny and has keys on it! Woo! (And yes, I do play a trumpet... it's over there in the corner somewhere)**

**A/N: This chapter is completely random and crap, and I think a lot of you will flame me for this chapter for pure stupidity. But this chapter is dedicated to Margaret, because this chapter was her idea. (PS reviewers for last chapter are mentioned at the bottom, as Bert promised he would mention you guys....)**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Special Guests!!!_

**Harry Potter: The Wiz**

**Billie Joe Armstrong: Green Dude**

**Gerard Way: FranticRomantic**

**Margaret: Roger Roger**

**Me: AllApologies451994 (as you can see, this is going to be a random fanfic....)**

_Mind Your Own Business, BigBadWolf, LochNessMonster, and The Wiz have all signed on_

Mind Your Own Business: Hi guys... Who all are in this conversation?

BigBadWolf: Well, there's you, Nessie, me... and who are you?

LochNessMonster: Jakie Poo? Will you protect me from the big bad monster?

BigBadWolf: Maybe.

LochNessMonster: What do you mean, maybe!?

BigBadWolf: I dunno if I can face up to him myself.

Mind Your Own Business: And to think one day you will be my son-in-law....

The Wiz: I am Harry Potter. I have just recently found out that not only wizards exist, but so do vampires.

BigBadWolf: Yup, and so do werewolves.

The Wiz: I already know. My best friend is a werewolf.

LochNessMonster: You're friends with those guys from La Push?

The Wiz: ...What? No, I mean Lupin.

Mind Your Own Business: Jake, you didn't tell me about anyone named Lupin...

BigBadWolf: That's because I don't know a Lupin.

The Wiz: Ugh... you guys just don't understand... I'm not _from_ here. I live in Britain, and go to a school called Hogwarts, which is a school of witchcraft and wizardry. I am a world famous wizard. ...Are you guys telling me you've never heard of Harry Potter!?

Mind Your Own Business: Nope. Not a clue.

LochNessMonster: You remind me of someone I read a book about... His name was Barry, and he had two friends named Ron and Hersnidey, or something like that, and was up against a villain called Lord Moldybutt.

BigBadWolf: Yea, I think I read the same one... But I think the names are wrong...

The Wiz: ANYWAYS, as I was about to say... WIZARDS ARE BETTER THAN VAMPIRES!!

LochNessMonster: Well, I'm out.

BigBadWolf: Me too.

Mind Your Own Business: Wait, why?

LochNessMonster: This is your fight, not ours. I'm only a half-breed.

BigBadWolf: And I'm a werewolf.

LochNessMonster: So later.

_BigBadWolf and LochNessMonster have signed off_

Mind Your Own Business: What makes you think wizards are better?

The Wiz: Because, we can use magic, we have human like feelings, and we don't have to move every few years.

Mind Your Own Business: Well, I have superpowers and I live forever. So ha!

The Wiz: Not necessarily. I could rip you to shreds and burn the pieces.

Mind Your Own Business: And I could just break your spine.

The Wiz: THAT'S IT! I'M INVITING SOME PEOPLE OVER WHO WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH!

Mind Your Own Business: And who would that--

_AllApologies451994 and Roger Roger have been added to this conversation_

AllApologies451994: ..And I was like... whoa. I just killed a lot of plants... Wait.... HOW DID I GET HERE!?

Roger Roger: I dunno, I guess we were invited.

AllApologies451994: Well I know that, I was wondering who by.

The Wiz: IT IS I, HARRY POTTER!!!

Roger Roger: Yea, and I'm the pope.

Mind Your Own Business: Really, it's actually him.

Roger Roger: Yea, and I'm actually the pope!

The Wiz: .........

AllApologies451994: Don't judge her; we used to roll down stairs when we were in Kindergarten.

Mind Your Own Business: I know I'm gonna be sorry for asking this, but... why?

Roger Roger: IT WAS FUN, BUDDY!

The Wiz: ....Well, we invited you here to ask who's better; wizards or vampires?

Mind Your Own Business: Please say vampires.

The Wiz: NO SWEET TALK ALLOWED!

Mind Your Own Business: Sorry.

The Wiz: You should be.

AllApologies451994: I don't know... this is too tough....

Roger Roger: I go with wizards. Harry Potter is better than Twilight!

AllApologies451994: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT?

Roger Roger: Why?

AllApologies451994: Because, it's rude.

Roger Roger: So? It's true, isn't it?

AllApologies451994: Um... yes, but.... We'll get back to you guys later. BYE!

_Roger Roger and AllApologies451994 have signed off_

The Wiz: Well, I believe we got our answer.

Mind Your Own Business: Yup. Wanna go get a *twitches* burger?

The Wiz: Why did you twitch?

Mind Your Own Business: I have a *twitches* twitching problem *twitches*.

The Wiz: O. Well, alrighty then. Let's go!

_Mind Your Own Business and The Wiz have signed off_

_**Meanwhile, in another conversation....**_

AllApologies451994: DUDE! YOU DON'T SHOW FAVORITISM!

Roger Roger: I'm sorry, I told you already....

_Green Dude and FranticRomantic invite AllApologies451994 and Roger Roger into another conversation...._

Green Dude: GREEN DAY OWNS MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

FranticRomantic: I believe you are confused, my poor Billie Joe...

Roger Roger: OMG GEE AND BILLIE JOE!!!

AllApologies451994: OMGWaBJA!! IT'S YOU GUYS!!!

FranticRomantic: Tell them that MCR is better than GD!

Green Dude: No, Green Day is better than My Chemical Romance!

Roger Roger: Well, I love you both... Hey, Billie Joe...

Green Dude: ...What?

Roger Roger: Will you marry me?

Green Dude: Um... nah.

Roger Roger: Is it because I'm white?

Green Dude: No... I already have a wife...

AllApologies451994: Well, I wanna marry you both, so....

FranticRomantic: Well, if you don't say MCR is better, I'll slap you.

Green Dude: And if you say Green Day is better, I might kiss you guys...

Roger Roger: O, what to pick!? I don't wanna be slapped by Gee, but I wanna be kissed by Billie Joe...

AllApologies451994: Um... let's just agree you guys both have great bands and let's all go get some *twitches* burgers.

Roger Roger: YOU STOLE DALTON'S LINES!!!

AllApologies451994: Whatever. Let's go.

Green Dude: Kay.

FranticRomantic: Alrighty then.

_AllApologies451994, Roger Roger, Green Dude, and FranticRomantic have all signed off_

**A/N: I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED--- I mean, I hope you've enjoyed this crappy chapter. This goes out to Margaret and Dalton (I stole his burger/twitching line...), and also...**

**Bert: LET ME TELL! LET ME TELL!**

**Me: Okay Bert, go ahead....**

**Bert: This goes out to:  
**

_**twilightgal4life (Margaret actually already recommended it to me, and I loved it. "Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. Snape--" "DUMBLEDORE!" It's sort of where the HP inspiration come from lol)**_

_**mindreadingweirdo (Awesome review, I loved it lol)**_

_**SGP (YOU CAN'T HAVE BERT'S AWESOMENESS! lol)**_

_**Renesmee Is Awesome (I'm glad you love the story, your feedback means a lot!)**_

_**aderrett (Thanks! I love hearing my story is weird. It means I'm doing my job juuuuuuuust right :D)**_

**Me: Anyways... please leave me lots of wonderful reviews---**

**Bert: YOU'RE HOGGING MY SPOTLIGHT!**

**Me: Too bad, I'm the author. Anyways, thanks for your support, and I hope you continue to review my suckish story with wonderful feedback, even though it is a big pile of cow poop. :D**


	42. Emmett Turns Smart I

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLII: Emmett Turns Smart (For a Day)  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except.... Wait, shouldn't you already know I own nothing?**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Carlizzle My Nizzle, Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, Hyperactive Fairy, and No One Knows have signed on_

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: RAWR!

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Um... that was oddly out of character.

**Beary McBearington**: Yup, sure was.

**Mind Your Own Business**: RAWR TO YOU TOO, MR. TURTLE!!

**No One Knows**: Um.

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: It's our secret greeting.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Hate to burst your bubble, but... it's not so secret anymore. You sorta just used it in front of everyone.

**No One Knows**: Yea, you sure are a dumb smart person, you know?

**Beary McBearington**: That's an oximoron.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: O.M.G.W.A.B.J.A. (O My Gerard Way and Billie Joe Armstrong). You just used a big word in a sentence properly!

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: I always knew you had it in you, son.

**Mind Your Own Business**: Finally, I can be proud to call you my brother!

**No One Knows**: Yea! We love you Emmett!

**Beary McBearington**: Um... pi.... is.... 3.14159......

**Hyperactive Fairy**: OMG!!! HE KNOWS THIS!!!! I think I'm gonna cry! I'm so proud!

**Beary McBearington**: ...............Speaking of pie, can I have some of the peanut butter kind?

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: ...You just had to go out and ruin the moment.

**Mind Your Own Business**: ...If anyone asks, I don't know you.

**No One Knows**: I don't love you anymore. I'm closing your fan club.

**Beary McBearington**: I... had a fan club?

**Hyperactive Fairy**: You used to. But you turned dumb again and now it's closed.

**Beary McBearington**: Well... I can find a way to make you guys like me again!

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: How?

**Beary McBearington**: You'll see... YOU'LL ALL SEE!!!

_Beary McBearington has signed off_

**Carlizzle My Nizzle**: Well that was odd.

**Hyperactive Fairy**: Yup. Sure was.

**No One Knows**: So.... you guys up for some Mountain Dew and reading GameInformer?

**Mind Your Own Business**: Sure.

_Carlizzle My Nizzle, Mind Your Own Business, Hyperactive Fairy, and No One Knows have signed off_

**A/N: RAWR!!! I IS BACK FROM THE GRAVE TO BRING YOU OVER TO MY SIDE! Haha, just kidding. ...Or am I? Hmm... I'll give you guys this; if you review this chapter, when I take over the world, I won't be (as) harsh to you. And Bert will love you! Plus, obviously, this is a two-part chapter. I wanted to leave a cliffhanger to get you guys to review, so here it is. And maybe I shouldn't've told you my plan to rule the world yet, but there it is. So, review and maybe part II will come up sooner! Also, if you have any ideas on what Emmett is going to do, tell me, because I honestly have no clue right now *sheepish grin* O yea.... When Bert and I rule over the world, these people will live with us in the awesomest castle ever and not have to put up with all the torture all the non-reviewers will. These wonderful people are...**

**Bert: Can I tell them? Please?**

**Me: No.**

**Bert: Please?**

**Me: No.**

**Bert --**

**Me: ...Sure.**

**Bert: --eeeeeeeeeeeeeease? Wait. Really?**

**Me: Go for it.**

**Bert: YAY! These people I'm about to mention are the awesomest awesomes that have ever awesomed...**

**Me; DON'T STEAL MY LINE!**

**Bert: *ignores* Are...**

_SGP (Sure, you and Bert can get married. But you have to name one of your children after me :D)_

_Renesmee Is Awesome (Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad that you like my story so far, and haven't given up on me yet. Thanks for still reading!)_

_mindreadingweirdo (I love your reviews! They're so random and hilarious! I cracked up laughing while reading it and I attracted several funny looks from my family [and my dog] I really appreciate it, and thanks for still reading!)_

_margaret .roger roger. (...YOU STOLE MY LINE IN YOUR REVIEW! I can't believe it. I'M __**THE**__ awesomest awesome that has ever awesomed. But anyways. I appreciate your review nonetheless. :D)_

_twilightgal4life (I can't believe you guys are still reading this! It seems like everyone else has left. I'm glad you still like my story and took time to review this piece of crap. O yea, and me and Margaret have a sort of inside joke about the letter Q... I'll explain the history of it in WYSNTJAaB, along with where Emmett gets his GameInformers [the last one is a huge MAYBE, but the Q story is true :D])_

**Well, thank you for reading this piece of crap, and please review telling me how much you love my cheesy story! Please? Bert will love you forever....**


	43. Emmett Turns Smart II

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLIII: Emmett Turns Smart II  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own imagination and bla bla bla... You guys know the drill.**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

It was a dull, boring evening. Emmett was trying to think of a way to get everyone to love him again, just as he had said he would. He pondered for a long while, when all of a sudden, an idea came out of the sky and hit him on the head. No, literally. There was a bee fly out of the sky and tried to sting him in the face. But anyways.

Emmett had called everyone to the living room to impress everyone with what he referred to as his 'smaricals'. Really though, all he was going to do was put up a spelling bee and win. Nothing that special.

They all ran in there, but only because they were so bored with whatever they were doing that they had no other choice.

When everyone had arrived into the living room, they had noticed something different about the room. There was a HUGE stage in the middle of the living room, where the couches and television and all the chairs used to be. Everyone looked around in wonder and started murmuring among themselves.

"Wow... something looks different in here, but I just _can't_ pinpoint exactly what it is.... O! Hey Emmett, did you get a haircut?"

Everyone turned around to look at Jasper really funny, and Edward slapped him upside the head.

"Ow, that hurt."

"It should have. Maybe it knocked some sense into you" claimed Edward. He contemplated this for a bit before saying "Yea, I think it did."

But Emmett stopped him from beginning to ramble (thank goodness!) before he could even start by calling everyone up on stage, sitting in alphabetical order by last name.

"But dude!" exclaimed Bella, "We all have the same last name! You know, you're smartitude isn't looking any bigger or better right now."

"Well, get in alphabetical order by first name!"

So everyone lined up on stage. Alice, then Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Renesmee, and finally Rosalie.

"Speaking of alphabetical order," Emmett went on, "do any of you guys know where the word 'alphabet' comes from? No? Well, it comes from the first two letters in the Greek alphabet, 'alpha' and 'beta'...."

"Can we just get on with this already!?" Edward looked at him pleadingly and angry, at the same time. It looked kinda funny on Edward's face, but o well. At least it got Emmett to get on with everything.

"But wait..." he finally said. "We need someone to read off the words! Any volunteers?"

Almost everyone raised their hands, but there was one person who didn't....

"Carlisle! You can do it!"

"Um, that's okay Emmett, I really should get back to work...."

"Are you going to quit on me now? Of all times?"

"Well, I don't want to, but..."

"O, really? You just don't love me anymore!"

"No, I do, it's just.... Fine, I'll do it!"

Emmett squeed like a little school girl (which caused him to attract funny looks from everyone [including a few random people who showed up JUST to look at him funny]), but he didn't seem to notice. Carlisle called Alice up first.

"Alice, your word is..."

"Yea yea, I already know, purple. P-U-R-P-L-E."

She ran back to her seat and smiled smugly.

"Erm, that was very great, sweetie. Up next... Bella!"

Bella looked down at her feet and blushed, but walked up there anyways. Well, attempted to, I should say. She tripped about four times along the way, and fell twice. She then blushed even deeper.

"Wow, Bella! You look like a mater!" said Jasper in his hillbilly-like voice. Edward and Alice snickered while Rosalie shot him a glare.

That caused Bella to blush that much harder. Yea, it wasn't that great.

"Okay, your word is.... scruple!"

She then looked at him in shock and said "Um, may I have a sentence, please?"

Emmett looked at her funny, but said something along the lines of "Carlisle, allow me to." and then stood up.

"Okay Bella, your sentence is... 'If you don't get this word right, you are definitely scrupled."

She looked at him funny, because she knew this was not the right way to use that word in a sentence. She may be dumb, but she isn't stupid.

"Um... S-C-R...O-O-P-L-E."

"I'm so sorry Bella, but the correct spelling is S-C-R-U-P-L-E. But good job anyways!"

She tripped a lot, but managed to get back to her seat.

"Edward, you're up."

"Um, Carlisle?" Rosalie started, "It wouldn't be fair to let Edward go. He'll read your mind and cheat. I don't think you should let him go."

Edward mouthed a 'thank you' to Rosalie and stepped off the stage.

"Well, Emmett... I guess you're next...."

Emmett squeed with delight and ran up to the microphone.

"Your word is... onomatopoeia." [for those of you that don't know what that is, it's a word that expresses sound. Like 'moo' or 'oink' or something.]

"O, please! Challenge me a little! O-N-O-M-A-T-O-P-O-E-I-A! Now, there are many other words I could spell, so I'll just go down and spell all of the other ones...."

While he ranted on spelling words that no one knows the meaning of, everyone left. But he didn't seem to notice, he was too busy being annoying.

The moral of this chapter? I really don't know, but don't try to be someone you're not, or you'll end up looking like some idiot and aggravate the crap out of everyone.

**A/N: Sorry about the shortness and crapitude of this chapter. I just had to get it over with. I'm running low on reviews. On the bright side, though, I have 192 reviews!!! Just 8 more and I can do a 200th review special! O yea, and if you guys have any idea for what that'll be, leave me a review telling me what you want it to be... Which will only increase it up to 200 easier! :D O yea, and happy Valentines Day! If you have anything you want to leave me or Bert (my hobo I include in my stories, to some of you new readers that don't know who he is), just leave it for us in a review! Spread some belated V-Day love for me and my precious hobo, Bert! :D**


	44. Of Innocence and Teenagers

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLIV: Of Innocence and Teenagers  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters, and I do not own the song Teenagers by My Chemical Romance. Yet I DO own Bert the hobo. SO DON'T STEAL HIM!! If you want to use Bert for your story... well.... YOU CAN'T HAVE HIS AWESOMENESS!! :D (PS he isn't even in this chapter, I just wanted to let y'all know ;P)**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

**NEW ADDITIONS:**

**Seth: Boo Boo**

**Quil: InkPen**

**Embry: Endless, Nameless (yea, you can tell I got lazy with these guys [If you get the reference in Embry's name, I award you for your awesomeness by giving you the chance to hang out with Bert for a day.])**

_BigBadWolf, Boo Boo, InkPen, and Endless, Nameless have signed on_

**Boo Boo**: Howdy Guys!

**InkPen**: O no, it's Seth....

**Boo Boo**: Um, should I be insulted?

**Endless, Nameless**: I believe you should.

**BigBadWolf**: Ah, poor, innocent Seth... The real world will hurt you one of these days.

**InkPen**: Yea, especially them there teenagers. You know, I heard a song about teenagers once.

**Boo Boo**: What was it called?

**InkPen**: Teenagers.

**Boo Boo**: Well, I KNOW it's about teenagers, but what is the song called!?

**Endless, Nameless**: Seriously, the name of the song is Teenagers!

**Boo Boo**: Fine then, don't tell me. Sheesh.

**BigBadWolf**: Seth. Will you answer ONE question for me?

**Boo Boo**: Sure, anything. What?

**BigBadWolf**: Are you stupid!?

**Boo Boo**: Nah, I'm just special.

**Endless, Nameless**: Yea, special ED.

**Boo Boo**: Why, thank you!

**InkPen**: That was an insult.

**Boo Boo**: Really? Aw, I hate you guys.

**BigBadWolf**: Honey, you're not the first, and you CERTAINLY won't be the last.

**Boo Boo**: Ew.

**InkPen**: What?

**Boo Boo**: He just called me 'honey'.

**Endless, Nameless**: I'm sure he didn't mean it like THAT.

**InkPen**: Yea, buddy.

**Boo Boo**: Well, I can't help it. I'm just a baby!

**BigBadWolf**: You may be A baby, but I am THE baby. So there!

**Boo Boo**: I'M TELLING LEAH YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!

**InkPen**: Go for it, dude. She'll just tell you to get away.

**Boo Boo**: Yea, you're probably right. But it's at least worth a shot. Bye y'all.

**BigBadWolf**: Well, we have to go too. Going to McDonalds. I wanna freak them out with how much I can eat in one sitting.

**InkPen**: This will be so fun!

_BigBadWolf, Boo Boo, InkPen, and Endless, Nameless have signed off_

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry that it's been a while. I've just now got my internet up and running. And my birthday's coming up, so I've been making plans. My actual birthday is March 25, but I'm having my party the 20th. We have to start going to school on some Saturdays, so that's why I can't do it the 27th. Stupid school. I had to miss today because I was sick. But anyways. I hope you've enjoyed the chapter enough to review and wish me happy birthday/get well soon :)**


	45. A Title So Long I Can't Fit It All Here

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLV: Of Wallet Snatching, Plant Killing, Frank the Unicorn, and Margaret Taking Batman's Cape**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, the quote about the wallets, Batman, or anything here that doesn't seem like it would come from my imagination. BUT I DO OWN FRANK THE UNICORN! He visits me every night in my dreams. He wanted to be named after a musician, so I named him after Frank Iero. I was gonna name him Tre, but nah. It didn't suit his personality :D**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

**SPECIAL GUESTS!!  
**

**Margaret: Roger Roger  
**

**Gerard Way (who happened to have a birthday April 9th :D) : Frantic Romantic**

**Batman: Batman **

**Mr. Reid: Mr. Reid (I'm so original, aren't I?)**

**Me: AllApologies451994**

_Beary McBearington, Hyperactive Fairy, and No One Knows have signed on_

Beary McBearington: I AM BOB, HEAR ME ROAR!

Hyperactive Fairy: O dear, this can't be good.

Beary McBearington: What can't be good?

No One Knows: Um, Emmett?

Beary McBearington: ?

No One Knows: O no, this could be worse than I thought. He got in my stash. I know that personality anywhere.

Hyperactive Fairy: Emmett! I told you that wasn't apple juice!

Beary McBearington: It wasn't?

Hyperactive Fairy: NO!

Beary McBearington: So THAT'S why I've been seeing unicorns!

No One Knows: *facepalms*

Beary McBearington: I'm not lying! His name is Frank, he's exactly 7'4'', purple with orange polka dots, and his horn is colored green.

Hyperactive Fairy: I need proof that he exists.

Beary McBearington: I can't do that.

No One Knows: That's 'cause he's not real.

Beary McBearington: Yes, he is! He only comes out at night, and you have to have special sunglasses to see him.

Hyperactive Fairy: Where can I find some of these glasses?

Beary McBearington: Nowhere.

Hyperactive Fairy: Why?

Beary McBearington: I have the only pair in the world.

No One Knows: Well, can we borrow them?

Beary McBearington: Sorry, I already told Batman he could borrow them next.

_Batman has signed in_

Batman: Did someone call?

No One Knows: OMG you're real!?

Batman: Uh, yea. I'm here, aren't I?

Hyperactive Fairy: How do we know that you aren't some Batman impersonator pretending to be Batman?

Beary McBearington: Well, I could invite some people over to make sure he's the real deal...

No One Knows: Okay, go for it.

Batman: This is ridicu---

_Roger Roger, Frantic Romantic, Mr. Reid, and AllApologies451994 have been invited over_

Frantic Romantic: Well, that's odd... It tastes like somebody stole my wallet... ya know?

Mr. Reid: *whistles suspiciously*

Roger Roger: Mr. Reid? You took Gee's wallet?

Mr. Reid: Nooooo....

Frantic Romatic: Drop the act, Mr. Reid. I KNOW you stole my wallet.

Mr. Reid: I swear I didn't! Did I, Roger Roger?

Roger Roger: Mr. Reid, my name is Margaret, and yes, you did. I saw you.

AllApologies451994: Yea, and I saw it too!

Frantic Romantic: Seriously, give it back!

Batman: Um....

Roger Roger: OMGW IT'S BATMAN!

No One Knows: Yea, it's kind of a funny story....

AllApologies451994: Okay, why did you invite us over?

Beary McBearington: We need to see if this is the real Batman or just an impersonator.

Roger Roger: Well, I can find that out easily. Hang on just a second.

Frantic Romantic: I wasn't kidding. I want my wallet, now.

Hyperactive Fairy: Can you forget about your wallet for now!? We have to find out if this Batman's a dud!

Batman: I'm right here, reading every word you're typing, you know.

Hyperactive Fairy: I know. You were supposed to.

AllApologies451994: OMGW!

Mr. Reid: What?

AllApologies451994: Someone just sort of walked by my house and killed all the plants!

Frantic Romantic: *hides plant-killing materials behind back*

AllApologies451994: GEE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON OUR SIDE!

Frantic Romantic: That's what you get for keeping me locked in your closet.

AllApologies451994: Yes, but you got away!

Roger Roger: And you rescued Billie Joe!

No One Knows: .........

Beary McBearington: So, is he the real Batman or not?

Roger Roger: Not anymore!

AllApologies451994: Margaret, I told you not to take out your anger on strangers....

Roger Roger: No, stupid, I took his cape!

Batman: HOLY CRAP! *turns into regular guy named Carl, and changes his name to Carl*

Carl: Why did you do that to me?

Roger Roger: Because purple cows only fly to the moon on the fifth Saturday of every month in June!

Mr. Reid: You can't get any truer than that.

Frantic Romantic: Seriously though, I want my wallet back.

Mr. Reid: ...Nah.

_Everyone signs off due to some kind of electric explosion due to the author being too lazy to come up with the real reason everyone signed off :)_

**A/N: Sorry for all the randomness! I hope y'all have enjoyed this chapter (I made it especially long [well, as long as I'm going to make anything]) and forgive me for my unannounced hiatus. I've just been really lazy, plus... Well, no need for excuses. I'm just a lazy 13 year old :D**


	46. A Really Long Title

**Twilight on WIndows Live!  
Chapter XLVI: Of American Idiots, Bert the Hobo, Grandmothers, and Frank the Unicorn!  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or American Idiot (Green Day), but I DO own Bert the Hobo and Frank the Unicorn. If you dare to use them in your stories, I will find out where you live, and give you nightmares where I'm torturing you, while I'm taking on the form of your grandmother. :D **

**A/N: I know vampires aren't supposed to sleep or anything, but all the vampires in my stories have humanlike qualities. It wouldn't work otherwise. They can drink, eat, sleep, and get high, just like we can :)**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

**GUESTS!  
**

**Frank the Unicorn: Imaginary32597**

**Bert the Hobo: Bert**

_Carlizzle My Nizzle, Beary McBearington, Feeling Your Pain, Hyperactive Fairy, No One Knows, Imaginary32597, and Bert have signed on_

Imaginary32597: Howdy y'all! What is up!?

Bert: Your face.

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Well, that was a bit rude.

Hyperactive Fairy: I can't believe it. There is a unicorn and a hobo... in the SAME conversation!

Feeling Your Pain: Alice, stop being an idiot. Unicorns aren't real.

Imaginary32597: Yes, we are. We take it quite offensive when someone don't believe in us. We're the far off cousins of horses.

Hyperactive Fairy: Hey, I'm no regular idiot. I am THE AMERICAN IDIOT!

Feeling Your Pain: ....You're never gonna get to borrow one of my Green Day CDs ever again.

Beary McBearington: Why not? :'(

Feeling Your Pain: ...Not you, stupid, Alice.

Bert: Can I borrow Warning sometime?

No One Knows: What the heck does a hobo want with a Green Day CD?

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Maybe he needs it because he's running low on music.

Bert: Nah. I just wanna see if he'll let me borrow it.

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Ah, makes sense.

Feeling Your Pain: Nah, you aren't worthy enough to listen to Warning. Why don't you go back to Lady GaGa or something?

Hyperactive Fairy: Was that an insult to Lady GaGa?

No One Knows: The world may never know.

Imaginary32597: Why is everyone ignoring me? I'm a unicorn, I'm at worth at least $400,000,000 .

Beary McBearington: 'Cause we don't love you like we did yesterday. And we didn't even love you yesterday. THAT'S saying something.

Imaginary32597: Guys, is this true?

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Um...

No One Knows: Yup, pretty much.

Imaginary32597: Alright, I see how it is. Tonight, when you're least expecting it,I will haunt you in your sleep, and torture you while I'm in the form of your grandmother. ...Or turtle, for Emmett.

Beary McBearington: OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME!? DON'T HURT ME!!!!!

_Beary McBearington has just signed off_

Hyperactive Fairy: Hey, Frank, that was pretty funny. When are you gonna tell him that was just a joke?

Imaginary32597: I wasn't kidding.

Feeling Your Pain: R-r-really?

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Um, I believe in you, Frank! DON'T HURT ME!

Imaginary32597: Too late, the damage has been done. See y'all tonight.

_Imaginary32597 has signed off_

No One Knows: I sure hope he was kidding.

Bert: It doesn't matter to me, I'm just a hobo. I could really care less.

Carlizzle My Nizzle: Well, alrighty then.

Hyperactive Fairy: How about we all run away in terror?

Feeling Your Pain: Sure.

_Everyone else has signed off_

**A/N: Review or I'll send Frank after y'all, too! :D**


	47. Of Skittles, Nightmares, etc

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLVII: Of Skittles, Nightmares, Starr Stealing Bert's Hat, Brit Taking Batman's Cape, and Margaret Ripping His Legs Off For Stealing Her Job**

**Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything else that isn't mine. I DO own Bert, and Frank.**

**A/N: Speaking of Bert the Hobo... I was on Facebook one day, when my friend gave me a link to a fanpage for Bert the Hobo. I mean, it was sweet and all, but shouldn't you've told me about it first? Whoever made it, please tell me who you are, because I have no idea who made it. Thanks :)**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

**GUESTS!  
**

**Frank the Unicorn: Imaginary32597**

**Bert the Hobo: Bert**

**Me: AllApologies451994**

**Margaret: Roger Roger**

**Brit: Musicman0709**

**Starr: Starr Chan Loves Cake**

**Batman: Batman**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, Hyperactive Fairy, No One Knows, Imaginary32597, Bert, AllApologies451994, Roger Roger, Musicman0709, Starr Chan Loves Cake, and Batman have signed on_

Mind Your Own Business: Well, this is a bit of a crowd, hmm?

No One Knows: OMGW you sounded like Tom Nook just then!

AllApologies451994: I think it was only because he added the "hmm" part.

Mind Your Own Business: Who the heck is Tom Nook?

Roger Roger: He's the racoon---

Beary McBearington: TANUKI!

Roger Roger: Um.

Beary McBearington: He's a tanuki. There IS a difference.

AllApologies451994: Well, Tom Nook's a ra--- _tanuki _on Animal Crossing that makes you pay for your house.

No One Knows: *snickers* Emmett, you play Animal Crossing?

Beary McBearington: ...Maybe.

Imaginary32597: O yea, Emmett. How did you like your _haunting_ last night?

Beary McBearington: O, you were behind it? I thought Edward and Bella just put some turtles in my bed and one bit me on the nose O.o

Imaginary32597: No, stupid, I mean in your NIGHTMARE! How was it?

Beary McBearington: O! It was actually quite nice. Mamaw actually hugged me!

Imaginary32597: Actually, I was trying to squeeze you so hard you'd be chopped in half '-_-

Musicman0709: Andrea, these people are scaring me.

AllApologies451994: O, you'll get over it.

Batman: Has everyone forgotten I was here?

Musicman0709: O, I didn't.

Batman: ...Where's my cape? NOOOOOooooooooooo!!!

_Batman turns into Carl... again._

Carl: Why did you do that to me?

Musicman0709: ...Bert told me to!

Bert: No, I didn't. I haven't even said anything!

Starr Chan Loves Cake: OMGW Are you THE Bert the Hobo? I LOVE YOU!

Bert: O, well, thanks! *blushes*

Starr Chan Loves Cake: Can I has your autograph?

Bert: Um, sure! *starts to sign paper*

Starr Chan Loves Cake: *steals Bert's hat*

Roger Roger: Um, Brit? Did you steal Batman's cape?

Musicman0709: Um, yea... Why?

Roger Roger: THAT'S MY JOB, FOO! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR LEGS OFF! AND NOT ONLY THAT, I'M GONNA SHOVE THIS CONVERSE SO FAR UP YOUR BUTT----

Mind Your Own Business: Now, now, let's not get fighty....

Hyperactive Fairy: Seriously, Margaret, calm---

_Roger Roger and Musicman0709 have signed out, probably due to Margaret killing Brit :P_

No One Knows: Well, this is a bit scary....

Starr Chan Loves Cake: Not for me. I stole Bert's hat!

Bert: You know, I want that back....

Carl: I'm gonna go get some Skittles, anyone want to come with me?

Bert: Sure, I'll go.

Imaginary32597: Me too!

Beary McBearington: Me four!

Hyperactive Fairy: It's _three_, Emmett. Me _three._

Beary McBearington: You three what?

Hyperactive Fairy: Nevermind.

_Carl, Bert, Imaginary32597, and Beary McBearington have signed off_

Starr Chan Loves Cake: Well this has gotten boring.

AllApologies451994: Well, it was interesting for a while.

No One Knows: So, y'all wanna go get some M&Ms?

Hyperactive Fairy: Sure, but throw out all the Ws. They look at me funny.

Mind Your Own Business: ....

_Everyone else has signed off_

**A/N: Review, or I'll get Starr and Bert to team up and kill all of you! :D**


	48. I'M BACK FROM MY UNANNOUNCED HIATUS!

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLVIII: Of Jasper Dying, Emmet Poking Him With a Stick, Jasper Having a Vision of the Future, and Edward Threatening to Beat Him With a Stick (Part I)  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my own twisted, messed up imagination.**

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER AND A DAY! I REALLY AM SORRYYYYYYYYY! But I honestly do have a good excuse(s). Here's a rundown of what's been going on in my life while I've neglected my writing duties:**

***Daddy left home  
*Mommy and Daddy got divorced  
*My internet blew up  
*I've tried to save more lives than I can count  
*I had to deal with depression, and nearly started back cutting. Twice.  
*My boyfriend nearly killed himself, and I had to help him get through some tough times  
*I've had plenty of chores to do, due to not having both parents to help out  
*Busy with school starting back, lots of homework to do  
*Band practices! I nearly passed out twice during afterschool marching practices  
*_ County Days Parade! I didn't pass out like I thought I would, but our band teacher ruined mine and Brit's date :(  
**

**And now you know why this summer has SUCKED for me. But anyways, I'm fully functional now and am dedicated to your people's writing needs :D**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

_Mind Your Own Business, Beary McBearington, Feeling Your Pain, Hyperactive Fairy, No One Knows, and Blondie have all signed on_

Beary McBearington: I FEEL BORED AND LONELY!

Feeling Your Pain: That's because the Tooth Fairy told you you were stupid and ugly and nobody loves you.

Hyperactive Fairy: Uh... Why?

Feeling Your Pain: Because I'm stoned right now and I can say crap like that if I feel like it, that's why.

No One Knows: Ugh, Edward, don't let him in your room. You know what Skittles do to him.

Feeling Your Pain: OMIGOD SKITTLES! WHERE! AHHHHH! *dies*

Mind Your Own Business: O MY GOD! HE'S DEAD! WHAT DO WE DO NOW!

Beary McBearington: I have an idea! *pokes Jasper with a stick*

Blondie: Uh... If you're close enough to poke him with a stick, why are you two on MSN? Why can't y'all talk to each other in person?

Hyperactive Fairy: Because they're not that smart. And do you really think that if you poke my husband with a stick it will bring him back to life?

Beary McBearington: Not really, but it was worth a shot.

Feeling Your Pain: *wakes up* O MY GOSH! I JUST HAD A VISION OF THE FUTURE!

Blondie: Yea? And what was it of? Edward eating dog poo?

Mind Your Own Business: ...If we were in the same room right now, I'd probably beat you with a stick.

No One Knows: What's with your recent random obsession with beating people with a stick?

Mind Your Own Business: I like beating people with sticks. It relieves my anger and agitation.

Blondie: Don't you mean aggravation?

Mind Your Own Business: No. I mean agitation.

Hyperactive Fairy: *sighs* Jasper, what was your vision of the future?

Feeling Your Pain: It's not of Edward eating dog poo... It's of Edward... eating dog poo.

Mind Your Own Business: ...COME HERE, I HAVE A NICE STICK RIGHT HERE TO BEAT YOU WTIH!

Feeling Your Pain: NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!

_Feeling Your Pain has signed out_

Blondie: Ugh, he's over there crying. Why in the world did you threaten him like that?

Mind Your Own Business: STICK BEATING IS FUN!

Hyperactive Fairy: *dies laughing* That sounded wrong...

No One Knows: Edward, I need that stick. Now.

Hypeactive Fairy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mind Your Own Business: No, I like my stick. It's all mine, and I play with it every day. I even named it!

Hyperactive Fairy: *rolls on the floor dying laughing*

No One Knows: *looks at Alice funny* What? Are you jealous that your husband doesn't have a stick for you to take?

Hyperactive Fairy: *dies laughing* Uh, I'm gonna get off here and go check on Jasper before he dies over there... Have fun taking his stick! *dies laughing*

_Hyperactive Fairy has signed off_

No One Knows: What's so funny about a stick?

Blondie: *sighs* Come here, and I'll tell you.

Mind Your Own Business: NO! TELL ME FIRST!

Blondie: Ugh, fine. *whispers in Edward's ear*

Mind Your Own Business: EW! I'M LEAVING!

No One Knows: What...?

Blondie: *whispers in Bella's ear*

No One Knows: EWWWWWWWWWWW! O.o

Blondie: Yea. Think of what you're saying before you say it.

No One Knows: That's it, I'm leaving.

Mind Your Own Business: Yea, me too. That's... disturbing.

_No One Knows and Mind Your Own Business have signed off_

Blondie: Well, I guess it's just me... I have no one to play with other than myself...

_*Alice dies laughing in the background, yelling 'HA HA!' over and over*_

Blondie: ALICE, I'M GONNA KILL YOUUUUUU!

_Blondie has signed off_

**A/N: Well, I hope you guys understand why I've been absent, and I hope you can find it in your heart to review. If I get at least 3 reviews in 3 days, I'll update. If I get three reviews sooner than three days, I'll update as soon as I get 3 reviews. If I don't, I'll update after 3 days. :D**


	49. My Stomach Virus Is Dead, Here's XLIX!

**Twilight on Windows Live!  
Chapter XLIX: Emmett Breaks Edward's Stick, Edward Poofs Up a New Stick to Beat Him With, Bella Shoves Dog Crap in Edward's Face, and Jasper Laughs So Hard He Somehow Craps His Pants**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own jacked up imagination. I also don't own Pervy Sage, who I randomly mention. Heck, he's not even in Twilight, he's in Naruto :P**

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update like I promised. The stomach virus sucks :/ But anyways, I'm gonna make this extra funny to make up for it :D**

**Carlisle: Carlizzle My Nizzle**

**Edward: Mind Your Own Business**

**Emmett: Beary McBearington**

**Jacob: BigBadWolf**

**Jasper: Feeling Your Pain**

**Alice: Hyperactive Fairy**

**Bella: No One Knows**

**Esme: Mother War**

**Renesmee: LochNessMonster**

**Rosalie: Blondie**

**PART I: MSN CHAT**

_Beary McBearington, Feeling Your Pain, and No One Knows have signed on_

No One Knows: UGH! WHY ARE YOU GUYS THE ONLY PEOPLE ONLINE!

Feeling Your Pain: Why, hello to you too, Mrs. Grouchy Pants.

No One Knows: Grouchy Pants? Seriously?

Feeling Your Pain: Well, you're grouchy, and probably wearing pants. Hence the name, "Grouchy Pants."

No One Knows: Well, if you say so... Hey, why's Emmett being so quiet?

Feeling Your Pain: I'm not sure... His emotions are... mischeivous... EMMETT, WHAT DID YOU BREAK!

Beary McBearington: *giggles* I... broke... *giggles*

No One Knows: You broke... what?

Beary McBearington: I broke... *giggles* I broke...

Feeling Your Pain: WHAT DID YOU BREAK, DARNIT!

Beary McBearington: I BROKE EDWARD'S STICK!

No One Knows: O.o

Feeling Your Pain: Bella... Did you honestly take that in a perverted way?

No One Knows: I'm sorry, your wife has destroyed me.

Feeling Your Pain: Ah, I understand. Alice is... a Pervy Sage, to say the least.

_Hyperactive Fairy has signed on_

Hyperactive Fairy: Who's a Pervy Sage, dear?

Feeling Your Pain: No one, Honey... I was talking about Edward...

Hyperactive Fairy: O, speaking of Edward! Emmett, Edward is coming after you right...

_Beary McBearington has been forcibly signed off_

Hyperactive Fairy: ...now -_-

No One Knows: O dear, Emmett should be smarter than to break Edward's stick... ALICE, DON'T GO ALL PERVY SAGE ON ME, NOW!

Hyperactive Fairy: That just looked wrong altogether -_-

Feeling Your Pain: Hey, you can hear them arguing! Let's all sign off and go see what's up!

No One Knows: Let's do it!

Hyperactive Fairy: ...

No One Knows: ...Remind me to smack you later.

Hyperactive Fairy: Nah :D

_Feeling Your Pain, No One Knows, and Hyperactive Fairy have signed off to go see Emmett get his butt kicked :D_

**PART II: EMMETT GETS HIS BUTT KICKED**

Okay, so this was the big moment. Emmett was about to get his butt kicked. I think I've said that about 15 times in the past few sentences, so if you didn't already know that, you're stupid. Or maybe you're special. Or maybe you're special and still don't know who Ed is. Maybe you're THAT bad off. But anyways. Enough of my random ramblings (just for the record, the first time I typed this out I typed random randomlings). ONTO THE STORY!

So, Emmett's getting his butt kicked. I'm pretty sure we all got that much. Everyone was crowded around, watching Edward fight Emmett. It was funny though, 'cause Edward was fighting like a chick. He was flinging his hands up and down like a special person trying to slap him, and pulling his hair, and for some reason Emmett had on earrings that Edward was pulling. And at the end, you'll never guess what happened... That's right. Emmett got his butt kicked. Didn't think that would happen, huh?

O yea, and then, out of nowhere, a random unicorn named Frank fell out of the sky with... OMG, IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? OMGW, IT IS! A STICK! Yes, Frank the Unicorn fell out of the sky... well, more like *poof*ed out of the sky, with a stick on his back. And you know what? Edward stole it from him.

Frank was mad about it, though. "MY STICK!", he shouted over and over. "YOU CAN'T TOUCH MY STICK! IT'S MIIIIIIIIIINE!" While this had Alice dying laughing, everyone else was slightly scared to death. Was this unicorn innocent, or a Pervy Sage? The world may never know. But apparently, he didn't like his stick to be touched. I'm pretty sure that's all we need to know.

So, after Edward stole Frank's stick, he started beating on Emmett with it, and Emmett was screaming "MOMMY! SAVE ME BEFORE HE LITERALLY BEATS ME TO DEATH! HE'S EVEN MORE ABUSIVE THAN ROSE!"

To that comment, Rose stood up with a really sharp knife in her hand which for some reason randomly *poof*ed there. I don't even know what's up with all the *poof*ing. It just kinda... happens. And anyways, she held the knife high over her head like she was about to slice him to death, with a look in her eye that said "What did you just say... _Honey?_" Ah, if looks could kill. But, instead of slicing up Emmett, she sliced up this cake that Esme had made earlier for everyone to eat. ...Yea, don't ask questions. I'm a bit stoned on Mountain Dew right now.

After a while, Bella got bored of watching everyone threaten to kill each other. So, what does she do about it, you may ask? She *poof*s up a magical pile of dog crap and throws it right in Edward's face, shouting "LEAVE EMMETT ALONE! I DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO HIS WHINING MOUTH ANYMORE!"

After this remark, everyone just kinda froze. Edward had Emmett's earring in one hand, and a lock of Emmett's hair in another hand. Esme was holding up a poster that said "TEAM EDWARD" and Carlisle was holding up a sign that said "TEAM EMMETT". Rosalie was still cutting up that cake that *poof*ed out of nowhere with that knife that had also *poof*ed out of nowhere. Alice was talking to Frank about his stick, which made her die laughing and him just kinda back away slowly. I guess he wasn't a pervy sage after all. And then over in the corner...

...Jasper was laughing so hard that for some reason he was able to crap himself. No one knew how that happened, because nobody knew that vampires could poop. But Jasper managed to do it. Which caused everyone to literally roll around on the floor laughing. Except Edward. He just kinda stood there, trying to get the taste of dog crap out of his mouth. But that wasn't gonna happen, so he just kinda gave up and started laughing at Jasper.

"Well... this'll be a story to remember," noted Jasper embarrassingly, holding onto his butthole to make sure that no crap fell out.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this piece of crap. I know y'all are probably mad at me for not updating when I said I would. Believe me, I've had enough mental/emotional breakdowns in the past 3 days to kill an average person. But whatever. Hope you enjoyed my crap!**


End file.
